Author lovelinefan Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Been nearly two weeks since asking for the ring - she hasn't been here, and hasn't contacted me, so no ring - power move? Been at least 3 weeks since she last saw her pets - must be busy? Maybe a new guy? I have hours where I don't care, and hours where I obsess about my loneliness and anger, and her seemingly indifferent attitude. Would be nice to know that she hasn't forgot about the her responsibilities, and to hear that she is looking for a place to live that will let her have the pets... I have a fear that she won't actually follow through on this. If she doesn't, I am going to be forced to contact her about returning the new dog to the shelter... hopefully that doesn't happen. I realize every few days that I am still holding out hope for something, I am not sure what. I need help letting go, and moving on. Lots of things I do or consider doing daily are influenced by her still, even though she is no longer a part of my life.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Been nearly two weeks since asking for the ring - she hasn't been here, and hasn't contacted me, so no ring - power move? Been at least 3 weeks since she last saw her pets - must be busy? Maybe a new guy? I have hours where I don't care, and hours where I obsess about my loneliness and anger, and her seemingly indifferent attitude. Would be nice to know that she hasn't forgot about the her responsibilities, and to hear that she is looking for a place to live that will let her have the pets... I have a fear that she won't actually follow through on this. If she doesn't, I am going to be forced to contact her about returning the new dog to the shelter... hopefully that doesn't happen. I realize every few days that I am still holding out hope for something, I am not sure what. I need help letting go, and moving on. Lots of things I do or consider doing daily are influenced by her still, even though she is no longer a part of my life. Maybe it's time for a small claims court to get your ring back. research the laws in your state about having to return engagement rings. I know in NYC you have to give it back 100% or the full value!!! I bet a subpeona would wake her azz up real quick! lol.
Author lovelinefan Posted April 27, 2009 Author Posted April 27, 2009 she was here today, I can tell because she took her stack of mail - I can't decide whether I should break LC to give her grief for not telling me she was coming by. Also, no ring.
Author lovelinefan Posted May 3, 2009 Author Posted May 3, 2009 Saw her this week - probably should have left the house again, but I didn't. She was friendly, but aloof and dismissive, and didn't want to talk about any of the unresolved business between us. I asked her a few questions about how things are going, but she didn't ask anything about me. She brought the ring back. She stayed for only a few minutes - it was very awkward, and I have been depressed for a few days, probably because of her visit. I feel like I should write some more, maybe another "fake" letter to her, but I haven't actually sat down and done it.
Author lovelinefan Posted May 7, 2009 Author Posted May 7, 2009 I still spend hours every day thinking about you, lamenting my loss, grieving, and fuming in anger at you. I don't feel like I've made much progress, and I still get a tear in my eye everytime I think about you telling me, "I don't know, but I think it's over," and, "I love you, but I think this is for the best." NOTHING, nothing, nothing that puts someone through this pain should be labeled, "for the best," ever. It's been 2 months, and tonight I don't feel I've improved at all. Of course, some days are better than others, but tonight is not one of those days. I hate you so god damned much sometimes, I make myself sick to my stomach - how can you be so intensely selfish that ending our relationship is not only acceptable to you, but easier than going to counselling with me? I thought I was stronger than I turned out to be last week, and I now regret staying at the house to see you - it definitely hurt just to be in your presence, and it got worse as I saw you move around the house, interact with the pets, and talk to me. I know to never expect an apology or explaination from you, because that would require you to grow up a bit, but I guess that's what I was hoping for. Somehow, the vague and detached friendliness that you did show me is worse than if you hated me, at least then I could hate you back. I wish I had a reason to hate you forever - but right now I can't stop myself from granting you compassion, and it is so hard to accept that you aren't the person you pretended to be in our relationship... I guess maybe that will all stop when you start screwing some new guy - I just hope I never have to hear about it. When that day comes, no matter how many times I tell myself it has nothing to do with me, I will feel that I wasn't worth it to you. I wasn't worth the trouble of frequent doctor visits to find the right birth control, I wasn't worth the effort to persue romance. I wasn't worth working on your depression - and when some new guy comes along, and motivates you to do all of those things, I will feel worthless. Obviously tonight I am filled with a bit of anger and jealousy. I hope tomorrow finds me in a better and more evolved place. I hope to have the strength to stop thinking about you for a few hours each day, and to put myself first. I am determined to find a way to make new friends, to open my eyes to the opportunities and excitement that life can hold without you - even if everything in life reminds me of you. I am told that in time all of these intense feelings and emotions will fade to nothing, and thanks to you, I am a master in patience. I just hope that in the interim, I hold true to myself, find my strength, and rid myself of a need for you. I am excited for the day that all of the unfinished business between us is complete, and I can finally say, even though it will crush my heart completely to say it, "I never have to see or talk to her again."
manugeorge Posted May 7, 2009 Posted May 7, 2009 I just wanted to say that this breaks my heart. We've all been there and these days immediately following are the toughest. How do you forget 4 years of togetherness in 2 months? If I had an answer to that, I'd be richer than Bill Gates. All I'll advice is just take it one day at a time. Live in the moment and in the day. It will get better, it always does. Time is your only friend now, let it do its job.
Author lovelinefan Posted May 13, 2009 Author Posted May 13, 2009 Thanks for the kind words manugeorge. Life seems so pointless without love, and I don't have the energy or the frame of mind (or a reconstructed heart) to go searching for it again. It sucks to have relationship baggage.
Author lovelinefan Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Her brother contacted me today, wanted to "make sure I'm still going," and say that he's "sorry to hear what happened." I really really wanted to ask him what version of "what happened" he was told - and tell him about what I've been going through, but I did not. I kept it short, and tried to stick to small talk. He's a really good guy, and he was an occasional friend of mine, but I didn't think it was wise to spill my guts to him. Also, it gave me an anxiety attack - which seems a bit odd, but I've had weirder emotions go through me in the past 2 months than ever before in my life.
Author lovelinefan Posted May 28, 2009 Author Posted May 28, 2009 Why did you come by today? To get the few pieces of mail I had for you? You could have done that on a day that I am not home. Why did you stay for 30 minutes, making few attempts at small talk? Did you have something to say to me, or are you just trying to torture me? I think you had some sort of reason for coming by today, but you certainly didn't make it clear while you were here. I hate seeing you - I truly do, because it makes my still-lingering feelings for you so obvious and painful. I need to set some final boundaries - I need your things out of my garage, I need your furniture out of my house, and I need my house key back. I don't know when I will have the courage to actually follow through on these needs, but be aware, the day is coming where you will no longer have excuses to come torture me with your presence - my heart requires it.
mark982 Posted May 28, 2009 Posted May 28, 2009 buddy, you need to change your locks, put her stuff in a storage unit,have either her address changed,or tell post office to quit sending it to your house. you're gonna have to take some positive steps to help yourself out here.
Author lovelinefan Posted June 21, 2009 Author Posted June 21, 2009 Well, it's been more than 3 months now, and there are definitely days that I feel good, over her, moved on, happy. Today isn't one of those days - sitting alone at home on a Saturday night is a hard thing to do for me, and my thoughts are busy wandering back to better days. I am becoming increasingly frustrated with the fact that no matter what I do, she creeps into my thoughts multiple times a day. I guess this is all normal, but it is starting to drive me crazy. The dreams, the day dreams, etc. I've actually been avoiding this forum lately, because I thought it was making me depressed. I think it is a sort of double-edged sword, it lets me see reality through other people's struggles, but it keeps me focused on my own heartbreak at the same time. I really appreciate all of the awesome suggestions and feedback I've gotten in this thread... I just hope that in the very near future I will stop being haunted by her and the life we used to have together. What do you guys do to get through the hard days where you don't have anyone or anything to distract you from the reality of being alone?
Groovy Posted June 21, 2009 Posted June 21, 2009 I imagine I shut the door on the past and move slow motion forward because the today and the future are what we all have in our life. No one is worth losing time, focus and quality in my life. I had to let things go on for a while before I realized that. I have asked myself what I have always wanted to do and never had the time for. I wanted to open an on-line store so did that this month. (http://www.cafepress.com/TheGrooveShack). I have thought of writing a book. Even if neither succeeds I took the time out to try new things I've wanted to do. Ask yourself what are some things out of your relationship that you can change and want to change? Being happy is being able to accept reality and find the strength to change what you can. Maybe get fit? Maybe learn a new language? Join a sport league? What do you enjoy? I like reading so I distract myself with that.
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