Groovy Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 I think part of my response and other people's replies are dependent on whether they are male or female maybe?
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 I think part of my response and other people's replies are dependent on whether they are male or female maybe? ..quite possibly! Also a dog is a different than a human being. He's probably had that dog for a long time. lol. like family. Loveline, there' is no more us. You need to realize that when she moved out, you can go down to the mail office and give her a change of address form. Why should she come over for her mail when you can other wise give it to her friend where she lives. I wouldnt let her step foot in the apartment and the pets you can drop them off at a dog park or something. IDK?
Author lovelinefan Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 She came by. She texted me before she got here, so I left. Pretty un-eventful, stuck to limited contact. Thanks for all the support guys. Still feeling like crap, been thinking about how I wanted to see her all day.
D-Lish Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 She came by. She texted me before she got here, so I left. Pretty un-eventful, stuck to limited contact. Thanks for all the support guys. Still feeling like crap, been thinking about how I wanted to see her all day. I think you did the right thing by not being there, as hard as that was for you to do. Did you guys each bring a dog to the relationship? I've had my dogs for 10 years- they are family to me:love: So you didn't see her at all? Just had the contact through texts?
LostFocus Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Hey Loveline, I just wanted to say that we are both in the same situation. I have a pretty good idea of what you are feeling at the moment. My ex of 2.5 years is doing the same thing to me right now. Keep up the good work with the limited contact. That's the same thing I am doing, hope you feel better.. keep writing, it helps figure everything out.
Author lovelinefan Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 We adopted the animals together It is hard to split them up, but she is going to keep the most recent dog (which she wanted to adopt). I haven't seen her for nearly two weeks, but we have had a few all-business text sessions. I don't know why I continue to torture myself by holding out an inkling of hope - what I *should* do is make up my mind that even if she wants to come back I won't comply, but I can't... yet.
D-Lish Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 We adopted the animals together It is hard to split them up, but she is going to keep the most recent dog (which she wanted to adopt). I haven't seen her for nearly two weeks, but we have had a few all-business text sessions. I don't know why I continue to torture myself by holding out an inkling of hope - what I *should* do is make up my mind that even if she wants to come back I won't comply, but I can't... yet. Maybe not yet- but you will be able to. It's still very recent. It takes time to simply come to terms with the idea that your partner is actually gone- in the beginning it's just shock. Sometimes they do come back. It's hard not to think about that. That's where the NC will help. Seriously- you'd be feeling worse right now if you actually saw her today. There will be some hurdles- it's tough because there is a lot of forced unfinished business... the dogs, her stuff being there... That's still looming over you. Don't be so tough on yourself. I think you did a good thing today by stepping out. Hard to do I'm sure! But a good choice on your part.
Author lovelinefan Posted April 4, 2009 Author Posted April 4, 2009 Thank you, I think I made the right choice by leaving too - if I had stuck around, it would have been really awkward, and hurt too bad. If she does want to talk to/see me, she'll have to make that clear, or I'm avoiding her.
D-Lish Posted April 4, 2009 Posted April 4, 2009 Sounds like a good plan. I think you leaving today will have an effect on her.
Author lovelinefan Posted April 5, 2009 Author Posted April 5, 2009 One of the hardest things I am dealing with, which I was dealing with even before she left, is maddening "physical" urges - only natural since we were having sexual issues, but the kicker is, I really really want to be with her. I can't stop thinking about the good times, when she was actually attracted to me, initiated, and desired being with me. It seems so impossible, and it was completely foreign to her by the time she left. I almost want to say that part hurts the most. Is anyone else feeling the same way? I guess I should talk to my counselor about this in my next session, but I am a bit embarrassed by it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 One of the hardest things I am dealing with, which I was dealing with even before she left, is maddening "physical" urges - only natural since we were having sexual issues, but the kicker is, I really really want to be with her. I can't stop thinking about the good times, when she was actually attracted to me, initiated, and desired being with me. It seems so impossible, and it was completely foreign to her by the time she left. I almost want to say that part hurts the most. Is anyone else feeling the same way? I guess I should talk to my counselor about this in my next session, but I am a bit embarrassed by it. ...There are other women out there you know??? lol. one's with big bootys, nice faces and even tighter places!!! Oh yeah! giggiddy! LOL im joking seriously you need to stop pining for her it's only gonna hold you back from moving on.
wheresmysunshine Posted April 5, 2009 Posted April 5, 2009 I just want to give you a womans point of view who left. My fiance chose a co-worker over me and so because I knew I couldn't afford our new mortgage, I was the one to pick up my things and take my cats and I'm staying with a friend. So I am in your situation being the person who was **** on and left, but in her situation being the person staying with the friend for now and having the rest of my things at the house. I don't think your fiancee has come to any decision right now. Trust me, If she was ready to move on from you, She would have found an apartment by now. 2.5 years ago I was thrown out of our apartment and I stayed with my sister for a couple weeks, but during that time I was determined to move on because I assumed I had to ( thought I had no chance of getting back together) so I quickly found an apartment and job. I think she is playing games with you. Maybe she does have an interest in someone else, which I think is def the case here and she is testing the waters with them. She will find out the grass is not greener on the other side, Just you wait. You are the one in pain, she knows that! By keeping this limited contact with her you are fueling her fire to keep playing head games. I got so depressed with the limited contact we were having when I moved out, that I stopped eating and couldnt even brush my teeth without feeling like I was going to gag. The only time I could eat was when he would contact me, over stupid stuff, but nevertheless contact me. Then for that moment after I felt like he realized his mistake and he still cared enough to contact me. Then when I didn't hear from him, I'd fall back into that depression. Its a game! If you can seriously focus on something else, to stay out of the contact with her for a while, let her come to you beggiing.. I think she will. I wouldn't even txt her back. I would pretend u are so busy doing other stuff that you don't have time for her in your schedule. NC/LC and contact are all killers in their own ways. They all hurt! This is a painful time. You were the one scorned, not her! Stay on here like u are and write. Write everyday, write whenever u feel like bitching her out. That is what I am going to do to stay strong and out of contact. My Fiance has begged me back all 3 times after I've left. This is the 4th time I've left and i am doing the NC thing now and staying on these boards to distract me. I get the dreams u are talking about too which suck but remember, it was true love on our end. Our partners are the ones who have the issues!
Author lovelinefan Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 We're no longer 'engaged' on facebook - I shouldn't have logged in, but I did. I've been waiting for her to remove it, and was expecting it - but I didn't think it would effect me this much. I feel back to square one emotionally.
D-Lish Posted April 7, 2009 Posted April 7, 2009 We're no longer 'engaged' on facebook - I shouldn't have logged in, but I did. I've been waiting for her to remove it, and was expecting it - but I didn't think it would effect me this much. I feel back to square one emotionally. NO you're not- It will sting initially, but think of it this way- You already knew. So, as much as seeing that will hurt- it won't set you right back to square one even though it might feel like it right now. Look- You should de-friend her on facebook right away. The last thing you want is to see what she is doing- having her newsfeed pop up- seeing her post new pics. Make a clean break and de-friend her right away. Block her as well so you don't get a newsfeed through mutual friends. You'll feel better if you take her off. Believe me- You want to be the one to do it first. Sorry- I know these things come up and can have a really bad impact on your day. Who are you hanging out with at the moment? Do you have some good buddies that you can go for beers with to take your mind off things?
Author lovelinefan Posted April 7, 2009 Author Posted April 7, 2009 I have been tempted to delete my profile all-together, but I haven't decided to do it yet. It seems really aggressive to de-friend and block her right now - maybe I need to do a "formal" no contact, and then I will feel justified in blocking her? You are right, I don't want to see into her life, and I am sure she wants me to see what she's doing, so for now I have been avoiding logging in. I have been hanging out with friends, but they have lives too, and I think they are sick of hearing me go over the same things again and again I find writing things down helps a lot, and I have people to talk to, but all the rest of the time the alone-ness is overwhelming. Thank you very much for continuing to respond to my thread, it validates my feelings, and encourages me to express myself more. I am now very determined to ask for my ring back, but I am going to wait until my next counseling appointment, and talk to my counselor about the best way to approach it.
Author lovelinefan Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 It's taking every ounce of my self control to not contact her. I feel crushed every day when she doesn't ask about me, even though I knew she wouldn't. I feel like an alcoholic, needing to recite the serenity prayer as a mantra, just to stay in control. I can't wait until these feelings of despair and longing, worry and dread will go away.
RecordProducer Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 My ex left me for a dog Your ex left you for a dog. I was supposed to marry him as well. And when our two big dogs fought each other practically to death the first month he moved in, requiring medical treatment for both animals he was hesitant to let his dog go. So I kicked him out with no place to go. He still wanted to see me So YOU kicked HIM out. He didn't leave you. And why did he have to get rid of his dog? Why didn't you get rid of your dog? I think it's you who left him, not vice versa. Apparently the dog(s) were more important to you than your fiance because when you had to choose whom to kick out,you kicked out the guy. Fine with me, but don't say that HE left you for a dog. and I said no quickly moving on based on his choice he made and got spoiled rotten by someone else with $200 dinners he got wind of.If you can quickly move on, then you're not in love with him. Paying $200 for dinner is not spoiling. It just means the guy can afford it. I loved your previous post, btw. I don't know why I continue to torture myself by holding out an inkling of hope - what I *should* do is make up my mind that even if she wants to come back I won't comply, but I can't... yet.Because we all do? We all hope until the day we feel no love any longer. Idiots! One of the hardest things I am dealing with, which I was dealing with even before she left, is maddening "physical" urges - only natural since we were having sexual issues, but the kicker is, I really really want to be with her. I can't stop thinking about the good times, when she was actually attracted to me, initiated, and desired being with me. It seems so impossible, and it was completely foreign to her by the time she left. I almost want to say that part hurts the most. Is anyone else feeling the same way? I guess I should talk to my counselor about this in my next session, but I am a bit embarrassed by it.Of course! The lack of intimacy and compassion are the two hardest holes to sew. Keep your chin up high, it'll go away. I promise.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 It's taking every ounce of my self control to not contact her. I feel crushed every day when she doesn't ask about me, even though I knew she wouldn't. I feel like an alcoholic, needing to recite the serenity prayer as a mantra, just to stay in control. I can't wait until these feelings of despair and longing, worry and dread will go away. Did you get your ring back??? You never answered me on that one. Dont call her, dont text, email, instant message, twitter, chat, beep, ping. I mean nothing. Stay NC. Continue the no contact until you feel your life stabilizing for you!
Author lovelinefan Posted April 11, 2009 Author Posted April 11, 2009 I told her I wanted the ring back, she played it off as if she didn't know she had it - she's going to return it next time she comes to get her mail.
Groovy Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Just a note on the prejudgement up your sleeve Record Producer. You state my dog is more important than my ex? I wanted to get rid of my dog. He wanted to keep his 105 pd intact Doberman in the house after it got into a fight with my dog and my dog stopped breathing during the attack. I was alone and only with the help of 2 male neighbors and the police did the dogs get pried apart. He stayed for almost 2 weeks after the incident and each day made me nervous to have them in the same house. He dragged his feet on us giving up our dogs. He thought about it. I told him if I'm a life partner it's crazy to let 2 dogs come between us but if I'm not that then do not give up his dog. I felt like he was a life partner and I think he did too but has been through a horrible divorce that left him anxious to give up anything too big ever again. I really don't feel like this one's all about me. Understand posts are brief, they don't tell a life story and there may be a lot of details you don't know about. That's all I'm saying.
RecordProducer Posted April 11, 2009 Posted April 11, 2009 Groovy, I was joking more than anything else. If you guys can break off an engagement because of two dogs then it's definitely not true love. What if he didn't have a dog? Do you think you'd still be together?
Groovy Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 No biggie to me, just saying. I think we would still be together if he didn't have a dog or vice versa. But I don't know if we'd be married like we talked about. If I was all that it would not have ended over 2 dogs, (as much as I love pets).
Groovy Posted April 12, 2009 Posted April 12, 2009 I, nor do you need a friend on Facebook tainted with issues from the past to haunt you. She has your phone number. She does not need to be in your business of what you did last Saturday and who you hang with now. Clearly you both have issues from a recent break up and it's in your best interest to not keep in touch on a public network site. Even if a break up is mutual do you want to see pictures of her new boyfriend or vice versa? My ex contacted me on mine and I accepted only to quickly unfriend them. You don't want to know who she is seeing, look at her in a new photo, know what she did last weekend and there are issues that just need space right now. Your not shutting her out but need to avoid making it complicated for either of you. In the hours my ex was on my account I was waiting for a nasty comment on a photo, for them to contact friends for personal info on who I was seeing or god knows what. And the e-mails digging up issues didn't make me feel any better. I know he's not her but I just think 2 people who shared an LTR who just broke up should not keep in touch on social network sites, nothing good comes of it.
Author lovelinefan Posted April 14, 2009 Author Posted April 14, 2009 I think you are definitely right, seriously considering deleting my social network accounts.
Author lovelinefan Posted April 16, 2009 Author Posted April 16, 2009 Posting here instead of texting her... I have had a sense of general depression and dread for a few days now, with small moments of clarity. Haven't heard from her for a week, last communication is when I asked her to return the ring over text message. Figured she would want to come by sometime in the past week, but she hasn't. Lots of feelings of rejection and loneliness.
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