LonelyTiger Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Hi Everyone. Just wondered if anybody can tell me how to cope with the loneliness while my husband is away - it's killing me! We've been together for nearly 15yrs and married for nearly 10. We had a really tough couple of years when things got a bit fraught and we almost broke up. We decided that the best thing would be for him to work away for a while and give us both some space. He want abroad in August - I didn't want him to go and I cried buckets without him. He came home for a month at Christmas and we had a wonderful time - the best we've been together in years. We still want to be together and now we're going to be living apart - probably until June 2011 - another two and a half years. I have no idea how I'm going to cope. Financially, we can't afford for him to come home any earlier than this and he's tied into a contract anyway. The most we can see each other from now until June 2011 is one or two weeks at Easter, two weeks at Christmas and 2 months in the Summer. We talk most days and send the odd email and text but it's not enough for me. I am making my life as full as possible, with work, friends, hobbies etc but none of that fills the big hole inside me and the loneliness is so intense. My hubby seems perfectly happy with his new life, although he says he misses me, but he's clearly not suffering the way I am. I'm still living the same life as before - minus him! Can somebody please tell me how you deal with this? I love him so much but I don't think I can keep living like this for much longer!
Rollercoasterr Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 When my sister went through something similar her answer was to get a puppy. She had something to take her mind off it, something to take care of, and something that would cause so much havoc and chaos that she was purely distracted. In the end she gained a companion, AND it helped her cope with being away from my brother-in-law. Not sure if that would work for you personally, but I was just sharing my experiences with your situation. And since you've not dropped your life or anything to be sad about his absence, really the only thing to do is to add something to your life that will make it more fulfilling and exciting for you while he's away.
Author LonelyTiger Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Thanks for replying Rollercoasterr. The puppy is a great idea and I'm glad it worked for your sister. Not sure it's the solution for me as I already have two cats who I completely adore and I get loads of love and affection from them both. They are a distraction and I hate to think how I'd feel without them, but my husband has left such a big whole nothing seems to fill it. I do keep myself busy but I am VERY sad inside. Joining this website is a bit of a last resort - cos I can't think of anything else to do to ease the loneliness. It's good to know there are people like you out there who care enough to take the time to respond. So thanks again.
Bearandsue Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I really feel for you. Dealing with loneliness is really hard. In my case I try not to dwell on the fact that we are apart. Think about the next time you will be together. Completely immerse yourself in hobbies. Easier said than done, I know. You said the reason he took the job apart was because of things gone wrong in your relationship so take this time to rebuild and work through the problems that you had and how you both can grow fromm it. In short(as I tend to ramble) Just try to think positive. Look forward to the future. This situation is temporary.
Rollercoasterr Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Kitties can be a great distraction as well. My sister just wasn't a cat person. I'm a every kind of animal in the world person. My animals do tend to take the stress out of being so far away from my fiance, but nothing really makes that pain go away, especially since we've only just gotten engaged. I find that this website helps me tremendously, and I hope that it'll do the same for you. We're an odd bunch, we come from different countries, backgrounds, personalities, but when one of us needs support or help, we lay all differences aside and put everything we've got into making the other feel better, or providing advice. Just think of us as your new extended family!
Katherineos123 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Im so sorry to hear about your situation! That must be extremely difficult. I only get to see my bf on the weekends, and it drives me nuts! I cant even imagine how you feel. I know you said you were already doing so, but try to stay busy. Spend this time alone to improve yourself and do somethings that you wouldnt be able to do with him I know that you said that money is a problem, but maybe you could try and save up a bit to do some traveling, or take an art class youve always wanted to take, or go to school. Maybe you could start a new hobby, photography, salsa dancing, learn how to knit... ANYTHING! Self improvement is the best ego boost you can get!
Sweet326 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Hi Lt, you've found a great site here. The people here are just wonderful and it has really helped me tremendously!! The only advice I have is to just stay busy and surround yourself with people. That helps me a lot. Communication is important too; daily if possible. It's not possible for me, but a lot of people here use web cams. I would looove to talk to my SO via webcam. Think that would help a lot.
Author LonelyTiger Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 Thank you all for taking the time to reply. It's good to know there are others out there who really understand what I'm going through. It seems I'm doing all the right things - I work out at the gym, swim, hike, rock climb and scuba dive, I run my own business, look after my cats and I've just started a correspondence course - I barely have time think - but the hole in my heart is still there! I guess I'll just have to learn to live with the loneliness - it isn't going to go away until my hubby comes home - whatever I do! Great idea to get a webcam -thanks for that one. I'm going to order one tomorrow. I'm not very technically minded but if I can't set it up, hubby is home in less than four weeks (yipee!) so he can sort it for me.
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