Kamille Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Eehhh I slept like crap last night. I actually had a dream of my bf sleeping with another girl. I have this huge urge to call him. I know I shouldn't. Dreamer, if you were pmsing two days ago, it's fair to guess that your hormones are probably still playing a number on you. Go hit the gym. Now. You seem ready to take responsibility for how you acted, which is very mature of you, yet you seem stuck in emergency mood. His actions are feeding this sense of emergency because you would like the whole thing to be resolved and he hasn't given you that. Patience Dreamer patience. Now, this isn't likely to be how you feel right now, but the reality is that this relationship is too young to warrant this much abandonment anxiety on your part. What happened here? Why are you panicking like your happiness depends on someone you met one month ago? Gain perspective, take responsibility for your part in it and hope that you two will be able to deal with the situation like reasonnable adults. Tell yourself that if you can't get through this, then you are probably better off on your own. Also, I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you wonder if he went out and had fun last night. You know what I would hope happened for him? That he went out with friends, had a pleasant evening, found some balance, relaxed and missed you. I'm betting he's hoping you did the same thing: that you took the time to ground yourself and snap out of drama mode. You really haven't. Again, I know this isn't how you feel right now, but: remind yourself it isn't the end of the world if you two don't end up together. And now go work out a sweat, release some of those hormones, please!
Kamille Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 oh and another note: my handbook on the psychology of 23 year old males who need to blow steam from relationship troubles tells me that he also likely got really drunk last night. This also means he is likely very hung over today and likely has a bad case of the gin-blues. If I were you, I wouldn't expect a call today. So get busy Dreamer and do whatever you ahve to do to get some perspective. xox K
likestolaugh Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 oh and another note: my handbook on the psychology of 23 year old males who need to blow steam from relationship troubles tells me that he also likely got really drunk last night. This also means he is likely very hung over today and likely has a bad case of the gin-blues. If I were you, I wouldn't expect a call today. So get busy Dreamer and do whatever you ahve to do to get some perspective. xox K well not all 23 y/o males. They don't all resort to alcohol to solve troubles. (a 23 y/o male speaking here)
Author dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 oh and another note: my handbook on the psychology of 23 year old males who need to blow steam from relationship troubles tells me that he also likely got really drunk last night. This also means he is likely very hung over today and likely has a bad case of the gin-blues. If I were you, I wouldn't expect a call today. So get busy Dreamer and do whatever you ahve to do to get some perspective. xox K He's never not followed through before, he did promise we'd meet up today. Yeah, I do figure that he went out and partied last night, even though he said that's not what he was going to do. I also imagine that his phone ran outta minutes. I don't feel my happiness depends on him, but something clicked between us, and he was even the first to say something, express his feelings, but they were very mutual on my part. I feel crappy cuz all the stuff he did last night was something we were suppose to do together. I'm kicking myself in the arse so much. I am staying busy, still working on a project I've been putting off for a while. I just wish he'd call just so I know what's up.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 well not all 23 y/o males. They don't all resort to alcohol to solve troubles. (a 23 y/o male speaking here) I'm curious, if you were him, what would you be feeling/thinking right now?
tkgirl Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I really felt like I was so alone knowing how emotional I can get. Do any of you feel the same insecurities? YES!!! and it's like we think we should be able to "be ourselves" around our guys but this just isn't the case all the time. Guys really do freak when they see us get all emotional.. that's what we have girl friends for! Just give him his space... he'll come back around, believe me! Oh, and another really good book about all this is "Why Men Love Bitches".. pretty funny and very informative... good luck!
Author dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 YES!!! and it's like we think we should be able to "be ourselves" around our guys but this just isn't the case all the time. Guys really do freak when they see us get all emotional.. that's what we have girl friends for! Just give him his space... he'll come back around, believe me! Oh, and another really good book about all this is "Why Men Love Bitches".. pretty funny and very informative... good luck! I'm going to look into those books. It would probably do me some good. If I don't hear from him today, like he said he'd call, then what? Do I just write it off as it's over? Normally he gets in contact with me by now... I wish I knew if it was just because he ran out of minutes.
Touche Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Just wait until the end of the day, dreamer. But I don't know why you'd then want to contact him if he didn't follow through with what he said he'd do. But you can contact him at the end of the day to apologize at least.
Kamille Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Stop feeling crappy, stop kicking yourself in the ass and just work on getting yourself in the right frame of mind for when he does call: cool calm and collected. You're willing to take responsibility for your part in what happened. As to how he approaches things, you cannot control his actions. The way I see it, the bottomline isn't so much what happened last night as how to handle conflict in the future. I'm having a hard time writing out what I want to say, mostly because right now I think the priority is for you to tap into your smart mature woman side. BUT, the situation you describe seems all too familiar to me. Early attachments caused by crazy compatibility which in and of themselves cause rollercoaster rides. I feel like I know exactly the frame of mind you are in, and I worry that right now you would be willing to sell yourself short in order to get back to how great the relationship felt three days ago as soon as possible. Take your time resolving this. You can both learn a lot and no, there is no easy shortcut to three days ago (or at least, not any that would be rewarding for the long term). But, a period of adjustment is perhaps warranted at this time of your relationship, where each of you need to find some balance outside of the relationship. If you pull this through, it can only get better from here. I don't know what the project you're working on is but I still think nothing is better then the gym to get some perspective in situations like these. Likestolaugh, apologies. Clearly not all 23 year old blow steam by drinking alcool. I guess I should have said: if he did go out, there are chances he drank. If he drank, he himself won't be in tiptop shape today. Today might not be the best day for Dreamer and her bf to discuss the issues they are having.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 Well he called. He wants me to come over. Do I go?
Kamille Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 ps: while I understand the sense of anxiety that makes you want to hear from him as soon as possible, I wish you could tell yourself that not hearing from him ASAP isn't the end of the world. Stop focusing on him and what you feel you need from him to feel better and start making yourself feel better.
tkgirl Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I'm going to look into those books. It would probably do me some good. If I don't hear from him today, like he said he'd call, then what? Do I just write it off as it's over? Normally he gets in contact with me by now... I wish I knew if it was just because he ran out of minutes. oh girl, I feel for you... I really do! Been there.. and more than once! Please try not to think about when he will call... just believe he WILL call when the time is right for him... I'm telling you, guys really freak when they see our "emotional" side... is this first time with you two? You need to get outside.. go for a walk or go to the gym... clear your head... and on the way home you should stop at the book store and check out these books we are recommending... it's going be okay.... BREATHE!
Kamille Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Just saw the last update: Good he called. Don't play games. Go, but perhaps go after you've hit the gym? Make sure you're calm and relaxed when you meet.
Touche Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Well he called. He wants me to come over. Do I go? Like you're considering not going? What did you tell him?
Author dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 He just called. He told me he went out last night with his roommate. He's home, wants me to come over. Then the phone cut out because he ran out of minutes. Should I go over there? Should I wait a bit, and not go running? I'm so confused. I know he needed to go have guy time, but I feel crappy that he told me that he wasn't going out.
likestolaugh Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I'm curious, if you were him, what would you be feeling/thinking right now? Well that's really difficult to say since I probably wouldn't have reacted the way he did initially... and I don't know him at all, or the situation other than what you've described. I might be a bit pissed off, but then again I've always been the type to look on the positive side of things so I might understand that it was just your hormones acting out, and not really you. I certainly wouldn't break up over it... that would be ridiculous at this point, especially if everything had been going as well as you've indicated. Maybe I'd invest in a Batman belt and boots... (whoops, j/k!) I would call you sometime today though.
tkgirl Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Well he called. He wants me to come over. Do I go? yahoo!!!! I told you so! and yes, go see him! just try to keep your "emotional side" in check... yeah! I'm so glad he called... keep us posted!
Author dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 Like you're considering not going? What did you tell him? He wants me to come with him to his mom's house. Which is on the way here, so I was trying to ask him to meet me here, but the phone cut out. I didn't get a chance to talk to him about anything else, which should be done in person, but because the phone cut out, I have no idea if he's coming here or if I'm going there. Maybe I'll just wait a bit.
likestolaugh Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 you're just going to drive yourself nuts if you don't go see him. GO! go!
Kamille Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 He just called. He told me he went out last night with his roommate. He's home, wants me to come over. Then the phone cut out because he ran out of minutes. Should I go over there? Should I wait a bit, and not go running? I'm so confused. I know he needed to go have guy time, but I feel crappy that he told me that he wasn't going out. Stop feeling crappy Dreamer please. He did what he felt he needed to do to gain perspective. Your turn. If you are still feeling emotional, take the time you need to snap out of it. Feeling emotional started this whole mess in the first place. There are simple things you can do: be happy he called, go to the gym, go for a walk, take a bath, dance around the apartment, whatever you have to do to get to a sense that everything will be all right. Then go see him. It's not about playing games, it's about you taking responsibility for yourself and your emotions.
likestolaugh Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 EDIT: this thread is moving too fast for me... can't keep up lol.
Touche Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 He just called. He told me he went out last night with his roommate. He's home, wants me to come over. Then the phone cut out because he ran out of minutes. Should I go over there? Should I wait a bit, and not go running? I'm so confused. I know he needed to go have guy time, but I feel crappy that he told me that he wasn't going out. I told you he'd call, dreamer. But you know what? I don't think you're ready for a relationship with this guy or any guy now. I'm sorry but that's my opinion. What happened to all that stuff about how you wanted to apologize, etc? Now it seems you just want to keep it going? So he changed his plans...so what? Maybe he didn't handle this in the best way but take responsibility for YOUR part...apologize and drop it. You're creating uncessary drama and almost no relationship will last if you keep that up.
tkgirl Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Stop feeling crappy Dreamer please. He did what he felt he needed to do to gain perspective. Your turn. If you are still feeling emotional, take the time you need to snap out of it. Feeling emotional started this whole mess in the first place. There are simple things you can do: be happy he called, go to the gym, go for a walk, take a bath, dance around the apartment, whatever you have to do to get to a sense that everything will be all right. Then go see him. It's not about playing games, it's about you taking responsibility for yourself and your emotions. I agree 100% with Kamille!!!
Author dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 It would feel good to get all prettied up, ya know like wear something kinda sexy, and feel good when I look in the mirror.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 I told you he'd call, dreamer. But you know what? I don't think you're ready for a relationship with this guy or any guy now. I'm sorry but that's my opinion. What happened to all that stuff about how you wanted to apologize, etc? Now it seems you just want to keep it going? So he changed his plans...so what? Maybe he didn't handle this in the best way but take responsibility for YOUR part...apologize and drop it. You're creating uncessary drama and almost no relationship will last if you keep that up. Oh no Touche, I do plan on apologizing, face to face. Everyone is right, I shouldn't be upset for him going out. I think it helps that I can say here what's on my mind, when it's not reasonable, because then I can think about it before stupid comments come out of my mouth. I am happy he got to go have his time. And I realize that if he didn't want me he wouldn't be calling me up, asking me to visit his family with him.
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