dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 We were suppose to spend the weekend together, we both had it off. Ever since my insecurities kicked in this week, I've been so emotional. On top of it I have my female problem which always makes me twice as emotional. Last night I got emotional. We got into a fight. This morning he told me he wanted some time to himself. He told me he wanted to go over to his family's house. We parted ways, although I was still tearing up over everything, then he stopped back with my work id. He was with his friend. Yet he told me that he was going to his mom's. I felt like he lied to me. He then told me that his friend just happened to stop by. Previously, we had plans to go hang out with this friend and his gf this weekend. Which is why I felt like he had decided to make other plans and just ditch me. I was feeling better until he showed up like that. I called him (I know stupid me) and he told me we'd do something tomorrow, the plans we had for today, if I just let him be today, but I don't even feel like that's going to happen. I asked him if he understood why I felt upset about this, I felt like he lied to me, but he told me he didn't lie. I don't know what to think. And the tears just keep coming. I was suppose to meet his mom today, and then I was suppose to meet this friend and his gf. I was so excited about it. Now I just feel let down. I swear there's something wrong with me. I like him a lot. I love how I feel around him, how much fun we have, how much we laugh, and cuddle... then I feel stupid for getting so attached.
manugeorge Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 He probably just didn't want to deal with an emotional crying girl, men are wussies like that. Sometimes, you just gotta to keep the drama to a mininum. I know it's not necessarily your fault, hormones can do a number on your emotions, maybe you should be the one taking some time for yourself. When I first began dating my boyfriend, I usually warn him 2 days before that time of the month that Aunt Flo is coming, and that he's free to take the week off from me but if he decides to stick around, I don't want to hear peep from him when I start going nuts. Sometimes he leave, sometimes he stays. I don't judge him for that, I wouldn't want to be around me during that week either. Take a few days to get yourself together, go to a spa, a movie, pamper yourself and try to detach your happiness from what he does or doesn't do.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 I've been kind of bitchy this week too, I know I have. Like I just started a fight last night for no reason. I don't know if it's a fear of getting hurt, or my hormones, or both put together. Now I'm worried that he wont call, or is just going to go mia, or break it off. He knew it was that time of the month for me, and he was pretty good about just dealing with me all week, I think last night was just a breaking point. I hate that I'm so emotional. I wish I could not be. He also told me not to long ago that he thinks he's falling in love with me. I think that stirred up some things inside of me. I'm such a moron.
northstar1 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I've been kind of bitchy this week too, I know I have. Like I just started a fight last night for no reason. I don't know if it's a fear of getting hurt, or my hormones, or both put together. Now I'm worried that he wont call, or is just going to go mia, or break it off. He knew it was that time of the month for me, and he was pretty good about just dealing with me all week, I think last night was just a breaking point. I hate that I'm so emotional. I wish I could not be. He also told me not to long ago that he thinks he's falling in love with me. I think that stirred up some things inside of me. I'm such a moron. Dreamer - breathe and try and relax. It's still very early on (it's been a month?), and you are still getting to know each other and feel each other out (moods, etc). I'm sure it will all work out, just try not to overanalyze. He obviously has feelings for you (although maybe a bit quick with the 'i love you' line), so I'm sure it will all work out.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Dreamer - breathe and try and relax. It's still very early on (it's been a month?), and you are still getting to know each other and feel each other out (moods, etc). I'm sure it will all work out, just try not to overanalyze. He obviously has feelings for you (although maybe a bit quick with the 'i love you' line), so I'm sure it will all work out. I know he had feelings for me, although he said last night that they were going away because of the emotional rollercoaster I've been on. I wonder if him saying he'll call and we'll do something tomorrow was just to shut me up.
samiam143 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Ahhh the emotions of a female. I've been going through the same things this week! I don't know why I'm so emotional but I've been getting worked up over small stuff like that, confronting my guy in a way he feels he has to put up a defense and then just frustrating him. Just do something to take your mind off of things. He'll come around. Give him some space and try not to get after him for every little thing. We do that a lot when we're emotional. Try reading the book "Act like a Lady, Think like a Man". It's by Steve Harvey. It's funny but it's also very interesting because it's so true! I learned from reading it, if something is bothering you, bring it up to your guy but be careful how you do it because if he feels like he's being attacked he's nothing going to hear a dang thing you say. lol Just stay calm and keep busy.
samiam143 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 PS I get worried too. I told my guy and he said "instead of assuming I'm not going to do something, wait and let me prove you wrong". That way you won't be getting worked up over nothing, he'll be more willing to follow through because he won't have to deal with the emotional rollarcoaster and everybody is happy! As much as I didn't believe my guy, and as hard as it was I tried it and it worked!
Author dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 PS I get worried too. I told my guy and he said "instead of assuming I'm not going to do something, wait and let me prove you wrong". That way you won't be getting worked up over nothing, he'll be more willing to follow through because he won't have to deal with the emotional rollarcoaster and everybody is happy! As much as I didn't believe my guy, and as hard as it was I tried it and it worked! Thank you so much, because that's exactly what he said to me. He told me not to judge the situation until he doesn't follow through. When we spoke on the phone, he told me just not to call him today, give him his time and he'll call me or stop by tomorrow. Maybe it really will happen.
samiam143 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 He probably just didn't want to deal with an emotional crying girl, men are wussies like that. Sometimes, you just gotta to keep the drama to a mininum. I know it's not necessarily your fault, hormones can do a number on your emotions, maybe you should be the one taking some time for yourself. When I first began dating my boyfriend, I usually warn him 2 days before that time of the month that Aunt Flo is coming, and that he's free to take the week off from me but if he decides to stick around, I don't want to hear peep from him when I start going nuts. Sometimes he leave, sometimes he stays. I don't judge him for that, I wouldn't want to be around me during that week either. Take a few days to get yourself together, go to a spa, a movie, pamper yourself and try to detach your happiness from what he does or doesn't do. This is true. And you're a freakin genius! I should do that for my guy too. I know I'm hell to be around when it's that time..
Author dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 I really felt like I was so alone knowing how emotional I can get. Do any of you feel the same insecurities?
samiam143 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Yes ma'am it will work. You shall see! And you'll be one happy camper. It's a good feeling not to have to nag on your guy because he does something right. Just don't sit and wait by the phone. He said he'd call, so he will. You know when you were younger and your parents told you what to do and it annoyed the crap out of you so much you didn't want to do it? I think that's how guys stay. If you nag a guy to do this, this this and this he's not going to be psyched about doing it. It you say something like "I'd really like to see you later", "I can't wait to hear from you" or "call me later" and leave it at that, he'll def be more willing to follow through. It just takes patience. It works but it's still hard for me. lol I'm just so dang impatient.
samiam143 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I really felt like I was so alone knowing how emotional I can get. Do any of you feel the same insecurities? We allllllll know this feeling. I've been an emotional wreck all week and it's not even that time. I'm on a new birth control and think that's messing with the hormones. I feel so bad for my guy sometimes. Oh! and I'm very stubborn and don't like admitting when I did wrong, but I told my guy last night "sorry for being so difficult" and his response, he simply smiled and said "sorry for being a jerk". Problem solved
Touche Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I don't have much to add, dreamer. You got good advice here. You need to really lighten up with him or you may drive him away. I think he'll call you tomorrow. But whatever you do do not call him! And maybe, if you haven't already, apologize tomorrow for your mood and for doubting him. In the meantime, do something fun and don't dwell on this, ok? And yes, we've all felt those insecurities get the best of us but you have to have control over it. You really can. And you should or it will get in the way of any relationship...whether it be with this guy or someone else. So calm down, ok? And let us know when he calls tomorrow.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Yes ma'am it will work. You shall see! And you'll be one happy camper. It's a good feeling not to have to nag on your guy because he does something right. Just don't sit and wait by the phone. He said he'd call, so he will. You know when you were younger and your parents told you what to do and it annoyed the crap out of you so much you didn't want to do it? I think that's how guys stay. If you nag a guy to do this, this this and this he's not going to be psyched about doing it. It you say something like "I'd really like to see you later", "I can't wait to hear from you" or "call me later" and leave it at that, he'll def be more willing to follow through. It just takes patience. It works but it's still hard for me. lol I'm just so dang impatient. I don't think I'm gonna call and leave that message. He told me his prepaid phone is running outta minutes, and he just wants to be left alone for the day. I know he's hanging out with his buddy, I was disappointed because I've been wanting to meet his friends, and this is another couple. When he dropped of my ID badge, I guess he told my mom to say hi and he'd call me tomorrow, but that's when I thought he was lying about what he was doing and thought I was being ditched an abandoned. I ran out there and was like wtf (yeah stupid move I know). He's friend actually told him he should resolve this. Last night he told me that he wanted time to think, to make sure he was making the right choice, because after our fight he wanted to break it off, but then said he wanted time to think because he didn't want to jump the gun and break it off then end up missing me now he's saying he just wants time to his self. Which is it. Maybe he will miss me today? We've grown so accustomed to being around each other. His friend is older and in a relationship, so maybe it will be a good thing? Because his friend was sitting there telling him he shouldn't leave a situation upset.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 I don't have much to add, dreamer. You got good advice here. You need to really lighten up with him or you may drive him away. I think he'll call you tomorrow. But whatever you do do not call him! And maybe, if you haven't already, apologize tomorrow for your mood and for doubting him. In the meantime, do something fun and don't dwell on this, ok? And yes, we've all felt those insecurities get the best of us but you have to have control over it. You really can. And you should or it will get in the way of any relationship...whether it be with this guy or someone else. So calm down, ok? And let us know when he calls tomorrow. I've got nothing fun planned, and maybe that's why I feel insecure, knowing he's out having fun when we were suppose to both be out having fun. I do feel more calm, no more tears, it's so great to have this forum and great people on here.
Touche Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 The thing is he's only 23, dreamer. Don't expect to him act like a 27 or 30 year old. When the going gets too tough for him, he may just bail instead of working it out with you. And he may also feel that if you're already having problems this early on, it's not worth it. But if after every fight, he's going to consider breaking it off...well that's not too good. I think I said on my thread that I thought you were still getting to know each other and I couldn't call it. Try to not get too attached yet...the jury is still out on this one. You're still just in a "dating" mode if you ask me.
samiam143 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 That was a horrible idea to run out there, but I probably would've done it too. lol I think he just needs time to think. I think he likes you a lot, but the emotional rollarcoaster is stressing him out because he thinks it's all his fault. My guy told me the other day he thought I was picking fights with him so he would end it. That was NEVER the case. Guys get confused. Can you text him? If so say something like "have a good day". That way he knows you're thinking about him, but are okay with him taking out and spending time with his friend. It'll definitely put a smile on his face. Just keep it short and sweet. Or get him a card to give him later. I just bought one for my guy for when he gets back in town tomorrow. Or a short note would do. Think of the sweet things and he'll appreciate it. He'll know you're a good girl(friend) or whatever ya'll are and that you were just having a rough week. Go get a pedicure while you're at it. And pick up that book! It'll work out. Just remember before flipping out next time, take a second and think, is it really worth it to start a fight over this?
Touche Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Sami has given you good advice but I sure wouldn't text him. No way. He asked you to not contact him today. So don't.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 That was a horrible idea to run out there, but I probably would've done it too. lol I think he just needs time to think. I think he likes you a lot, but the emotional rollarcoaster is stressing him out because he thinks it's all his fault. My guy told me the other day he thought I was picking fights with him so he would end it. That was NEVER the case. Guys get confused. Can you text him? If so say something like "have a good day". That way he knows you're thinking about him, but are okay with him taking out and spending time with his friend. It'll definitely put a smile on his face. Just keep it short and sweet. Or get him a card to give him later. I just bought one for my guy for when he gets back in town tomorrow. Or a short note would do. Think of the sweet things and he'll appreciate it. He'll know you're a good girl(friend) or whatever ya'll are and that you were just having a rough week. Go get a pedicure while you're at it. And pick up that book! It'll work out. Just remember before flipping out next time, take a second and think, is it really worth it to start a fight over this? I know, my first instinct when I think I'm getting one pulled over on me is to confront it head on right then and there. When I text him, for some reason it sends it 4 times in a row, and with it being a prepaid phone, I don't think that's a good idea. I do wish I could just be like, I hope you're having a good day, but it might make him upset because he's down to like 4 bucks on his phone. But you're so right.
samiam143 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Oops I missed the part where he asked you not to contact him. If that is true then wait it out. It'll be worth it. And Touche was right about not expecting him to act older, but even my 28 y/o guy wasn't digging the constant petty fights. Just try not to get worked up. If you feel overemotional, take some time out. Warn him that you're having a bad day.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 The thing is he's only 23, dreamer. Don't expect to him act like a 27 or 30 year old. When the going gets too tough for him, he may just bail instead of working it out with you. I know, I have to keep that in mind. IT's hard sometimes because often he doesn't act young, he acts like his more mature then that. And he may also feel that if you're already having problems this early on, it's not worth it. Do you think by him telling me he'll call/see me tomorrow reflects that he may still feel we can get pass this, or that he was just saying that because I wanted to hear it? But if after every fight, he's going to consider breaking it off...well that's not too good. I'm like this too, I rush into the lets call it quits before I get hurt. Our personalities in many ways are the same, do you think after me giving him his requested time, he may rethink this? I think I said on my thread that I thought you were still getting to know each other and I couldn't call it. Try to not get too attached yet...the jury is still out on this one. You're still just in a "dating" mode if you ask me. Well, yeah I guess it's kinda in that mode, but we both said we don't want to date other people too. Do you think I have a chance to redeem myself?
Author dreamergrl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Oops I missed the part where he asked you not to contact him. If that is true then wait it out. It'll be worth it. And Touche was right about not expecting him to act older, but even my 28 y/o guy wasn't digging the constant petty fights. Just try not to get worked up. If you feel overemotional, take some time out. Warn him that you're having a bad day. Sami has given you good advice but I sure wouldn't text him. No way. He asked you to not contact him today. So don't. What if I called him tomorrow saying I hope you had fun yesterday, I realize that you needed some space, and I should have handled it better?
samiam143 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I often second guess my guys decisions too. But I've learned guys are simple. If he didn't want to talk to you, he wouldn't say he was going to call. He will. No worries
Touche Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Oops I missed the part where he asked you not to contact him. If that is true then wait it out. It'll be worth it. And Touche was right about not expecting him to act older, but even my 28 y/o guy wasn't digging the constant petty fights. Just try not to get worked up. If you feel overemotional, take some time out. Warn him that you're having a bad day. Well even a 55 year old isn't going to dig it. I just mean that the way he handles it says something about his maturity level. It's like he's "punishing" her now. And the threats to break it off...kinda immature. Mature men, wouldn't handle this type of thing that way at all.
Star Gazer Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Last night he told me that he wanted time to think, to make sure he was making the right choice, because after our fight he wanted to break it off, but then said he wanted time to think because he didn't want to jump the gun and break it off then end up missing me now he's saying he just wants time to his self. Which is it. Maybe he will miss me today? This isn't looking good, hun. I know you like him a lot, but what I see doesn't have the trappings of someone (him, not you) who's capable of having an adult relationship. He ended his last relationship a month before you started dating, and now only after a month (?) with you he's thinking about breaking things off with you. This guy has immature/player/serial dater/commitmentphobe written all over him. Please don't blame yourself. Given the circumstances, I think it's only normal to feel nervous and uncertain about what the future holds. Whatever you do, please DO NOT contact him. Just don't. He feels annoyed and smothered, and doesn't want to hear from you. He's made that clear. To go against his wishes (however unreasonable they are!) would only compound the problem.
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