alxvln4 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 let me preface my question with a lot of background. My girlfriend and i have been going out for three and a half years. a couple nights ago she was drinking alone which usually means shes sad. i was a little upset about the situation. after that she talked, over the internet, to one of her guy friend that i have told her repeatedly that he likes her. anyways as they are talking my girlfriend asked, jokingly, if he would have sex with her, and he obviously says yes. they then decide that they will hang out in a couple of days. when they hang out they go to a book store and hang out there for a couple hours until it closes at eleven then they hang out in my girlfriends car until three A.M. while in the car he kisses my girlfriend on the neck and hand they hold hands and she kisses his hand and his nose and forehead.... when they finally part he kisses her on the cheek.... she never recoiled and didnt try and stop him... i dont know what to do. she told me all this herself and said she was sorry... she has only every done one other thing that has made me really jealous which was run around naked on the beach when she was naked, and i forgave her. someone please help me i dont know what i should do thank you for your replies and your patients to read all of this.
lostsunsets Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Was she drinking b4 or after she hung out with this guy?
JackJack Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I can't tell you what you need to do for sure, that will have to be up to you. However, try to ask yourself some questions, like, if you feel you deserve someone to do that to you? How much respect do you have for yourself? If you are worthy to continue to be with someone who wants to disrespect you like that. Just some things to think about, because even though you can NOT control her and what she does, you can control how you react and how you handle the situation, and wheather you stay or not.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Staying with this girl would not be a safe decision unless you're willing to endure alot of strain on your mind, body, and soul. She's already shown her disregard for your feelings and for you, her bf. Ask yourself, do you want to put up with this any longer? Now that you know this, will you be able to trust her again? If any one of those answers is "no" then its safe to say your relationship has run its course. Friend or not, your GF should not have taken things that far with him. Furthermore, what does that say about her friend? He knows she has a BF yet he's letting her conduct herself in a manner like that.
nicki Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I wonder if you are getting the WHOLE story from her. Let me get this straight, she asks a guy if he wants to have sex with her, they meet and hang out in a car for THREE hours but only hold hands and kiss on cheek, neck.....? Does that sound right? I would think they had kissed on the mouth, maybe even more. And are you sure they were in a car? People often tell half-truths. Really, though, it is bad enough that she asked some guy to have sex with her. What does that tell you? Sorry, she doesn't seem trustworthy at all. I've been with someone like this, and it's so difficult to weed out the truth to make a decision for yourself. But, we shouldn't have to do that, and it creates way too much doubt to feel secure in a relationship. The bottom line is that she asked another guy to have sex with her. That's enough of a deal breaker in my mind.
lkjh Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I dont think this is the entire story. Why did she volunteer the information?
Author alxvln4 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 I wonder if you are getting the WHOLE story from her. Let me get this straight, she asks a guy if he wants to have sex with her, they meet and hang out in a car for THREE hours but only hold hands and kiss on cheek, neck.....? Does that sound right? I would think they had kissed on the mouth, maybe even more. And are you sure they were in a car? People often tell half-truths. Really, though, it is bad enough that she asked some guy to have sex with her. What does that tell you? Sorry, she doesn't seem trustworthy at all. I've been with someone like this, and it's so difficult to weed out the truth to make a decision for yourself. But, we shouldn't have to do that, and it creates way too much doubt to feel secure in a relationship. The bottom line is that she asked another guy to have sex with her. That's enough of a deal breaker in my mind. she has never lied to me and always tell me the truth. She did not actually want the other person to have sex with her she said it not know what reactions it would cause i will admit she is naive but i want to believe that what she told me was true and that nothing more happened....
Author alxvln4 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 I dont think this is the entire story. Why did she volunteer the information? the reason she volunteered this information is because that how we are in our relationship open about every single detail... if i do something bad i am the first one to tell her... just like this when she did something wrong she told me without holding anything back
nicki Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I understand that you want to believe her, and if she hasn't lied to you then you would be inclined to do so anyway. Can you verify her story in any way? So what you are saying is that she told you she doesn't know why she asked this guy to have sex with her, and she didn't realize what kind of reaction that would cause? It just doesn't make sense. Sounds like a lot of minimalizing. I still wonder if you are getting the entire story. Who is this other guy? Can you talk to him? But, don't let her know that you are going to do that. Tell her AFTER you have talked with him.
blair08 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 she has never lied to me and always tell me the truth. She did not actually want the other person to have sex with her she said it not know what reactions it would cause i will admit she is naive but i want to believe that what she told me was true and that nothing more happened.... Not to sound harsh, but you are kidding yourself if you really feel she is telling you the whole truth, and says she has never lied to you. What makes you think she tells the whole truth and enver lies? How do you know this for sure? I mean, you talking about a girl who asked a guy to have sex with her and really met up with him.
nicki Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Yes, the asking to have sex and meeting up with him is bad enough, especially when she had two days to think about it. Where was her honesty during that period? Trust severed. What makes you think she didn't follow through with it? Her lame story suggests otherwise, at least to me. In my experience, liars tell the tip of iceberg of a bad story, and there is usually more than they are telling you. They often want to see what the minimum is that they can get away with telling you so they come off as truthful.
Author alxvln4 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 so first of i appreciate anyone who has posted anything in this thread... but i want to clarify something that maybe i didn't make so clear. this is one of her guy friends she made when we started dating...but she's never really been that close to him she sees him about every two to three months for a day then he disappears from her life for another two or three months. i have never met him (because he doesn't want to meet his competition or he just thinks it would be awkward) and that causes little altercation between me and her everyonce and a while and obviously bigger problems like now. the reason she said would you have sex with me was not serious at all yes it bothers me that she said that but she is kinda wierd and has said things like that in the past and i know that she means absolutely nothing by that... she is pretty self-centered and doesn't understand how her actions effect others. she had two days to think about it but there wasn't much to think about in her mind... in her mind she was just going to hang out with her friend there were no intentions of any sexual contact... granted thats naive and honestly a little dumb but she can be like that. she didn't tell me anything because i was avoid her because i was angry at her and i just wanted to cool down.... she also said she let it go on because she wanted my affection... which i was denying momentarily.... which i know sounds like a load of bull... but after all this i dont know what to do... i feel lost as my thread states,
blair08 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 So are you content with the way things are? If not, what are your plans? Even if she didn't have sex with him, she STILL asked, and is seeking approvel or validation from others. You said she was self centered and doesn't think about her actions will effect others, thats not such a good quality. Why were you denying her your affections to begin with? You both sound kind of young and still into the game stage of things. JMO on that.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 the reason she said would you have sex with me was not serious at all yes it bothers me that she said that but she is kinda wierd and has said things like that in the past and i know that she means absolutely nothing by that... she is pretty self-centered and doesn't understand how her actions effect others. The situation really isn't that complicated. Yes, she is self centered, but if you really think that she didn't understand what implying she wanted sex with this guy would do... you are the naive one! This girl knows exactly what she is doing. She wanted this guy to be interested in her, for ATTENTION... much more so than affection. She used sex as bait. Do you think she loves you? Would she be willing to ditch this friend?
Author alxvln4 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 The situation really isn't that complicated. Yes, she is self centered, but if you really think that she didn't understand what implying she wanted sex with this guy would do... you are the naive one! This girl knows exactly what she is doing. She wanted this guy to be interested in her, for ATTENTION... much more so than affection. She used sex as bait. Do you think she loves you? Would she be willing to ditch this friend? you're very right i know she knew it would do that i just was trying to phrase it so people wouldn't think she actually wanted to have sex with him and i have asked her countless times if she would ditch him but we talk and talk but in the end it always end with no solution. and i really would like to believe she loves me i feel she does but how can i after she has done something like that.... which is why i feel utterly lost.
In Like Flynn Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Bottomline this "Friendship" with this guy that, lets face it wants to have sex with your girl, is overwith!!!!
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 you're very right i know she knew it would do that i just was trying to phrase it so people wouldn't think she actually wanted to have sex with him and i have asked her countless times if she would ditch him but we talk and talk but in the end it always end with no solution. and i really would like to believe she loves me i feel she does but how can i after she has done something like that.... which is why i feel utterly lost. We have some strong indicators here about who she is as a person. The fact that she immediately turns to another guy when you can't or won't pay attention to her... says her self esteem is fairly low. I would bet that if you looked at other aspects of her life you would also see low self esteem traits. Also, it says she is willing to bend moral boundaries. This time she just kissed a guy... she will go further next time, unless there are clear consequences. She won't ditch the guy either because she has feelings for him, or she wants to hold that over your head. As in... treat me right or I'm going to run over to this other guy. Based on her actions... she may feel like she loves you... but doesn't really respect you. That's why it feels like love to you too. Women can only love a man they don't respect for a short period of time. Read this stuff and see if it fits her. You will have to make the choice to work hard on this relationship. That means you both need to grow together. Otherwise... if you don't think she can mature, it may be time to move on.
lkjh Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Dude, stop fooling yourself. This guy is more than a friend. She has cheated and refuses to give him up. He is a lot more important to her than just some guy she sees every couple of months. Also, she doesn't introduce you two because she she knows all of this. Do not put to much trust in her, I can guarantee she is minimizing their real relationship.
lostsunsets Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 IKJH. Is right. If you two are having sex. She is having sex with him. No introduction. She wants both of you.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 coming from a honest loyal committed gf here first of all you neveeeer are alone with another man heck no y? cus its ****in disrespectful for your man who your with! 2nd would you want your man doing **** with another girl behind your back hanging out for hours does she really need him as a best friend i dont get this chick.... honestly i could never ever let another man ****ing kiss me on my neck or be out all night with him wtf!!! i know for damn sho i wouldnt let my man b out with no ****in "best friend" whose a girl all night **** all that. not only that who te hell does she think she is that she can joke with her "guy friend" in sexual ways somone needs to beat this girls ass honestly her mamma did not raise her right. seriously for guys going through this i feel bad for you cause there are decent loyal girls still out there that will never ever make their man have these horrible feelings. im really sry your going through this she so doesn't appreciate you.
The Collector Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Screw her sister, then dump her. Seriously, she either needs to break all contact with this man, who she likes a lot more than she is admitting, and suffer severe consequences for her behaviour (this is what she may be looking from you NOT forgiveness) or you need to move on and find a woman who respects you.
Author alxvln4 Posted April 5, 2010 Author Posted April 5, 2010 i dunno if anyone reads these old posts anymore. but i was just looking over my old posts and i wanted to write to all of you who gave opinions and helped me out. i look back and read these comments and i smile at how insightful some are. anywho the relationship with this girlfriend ended exactly one year and one day ago. it was really hard at first but now we are friends and i am finally feeling like my old self. anywho thank you all for all your input.
Recommended Posts