Jakey22 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I've learned how bad it can be recently and it cost me a lot. I posted the story in the Break-Up Section if you care to read. I have made myself an appointment to see a counselor next week. My question for ya'll is if you have had or have this problem, how do you deal with it? How do you fix it? I'm willing to do anything to change this. Thanks, Jakey
Ocean-Blue Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Unless it's a truly uncontrollable situation, you KNOW you can keep your temper under control. Don't lie. You know that you let go because YOU CAN. It's as simple as that. You get mad in front of those that allow you to get away with it. Would you pull your "anger" BS in front of your boss? You do have control. You just don't respect whomever it is you're with enough to keep it under control. But yes, I knwo what it's like to have this rage boiling inside of you, waiting to spilll out. And when it does, it's not good. Yu're in control. You decide what you want to do.
Author Jakey22 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 You're absolutely right Ocean-Blue. You made some very good points that opened my eyes a bit. I understand how I seem to be using it as a card I'm hiding behind, but I feel I could use a little help from those who know or have been in a situation where their temper was a problem. I'm just looking for anything I can read, do, or attempt to make a difference. Maybe it's a maturity thing? Maybe not... I'm seeking help anyways. I know what my problem is and now I want to fix it.
Ocean-Blue Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 You're absolutely right Ocean-Blue. You made some very good points that opened my eyes a bit. I understand how I seem to be using it as a card I'm hiding behind, but I feel I could use a little help from those who know or have been in a situation where their temper was a problem. I'm just looking for anything I can read, do, or attempt to make a difference. Maybe it's a maturity thing? Maybe not... I'm seeking help anyways. I know what my problem is and now I want to fix it. I used to get angry, at lot, Jakey. I knew I could get away with it. I decide when and where to be a b1tch. Sometimes, I play nice because it's ALL I can do. But when I can, I do let go. Sometimes, though, you meet that one person who won't put up with your BS and you're forced to confront who you really are. Until someone challenges you, you won't change. When someone who doesn't matter challenges you, you throw it aside. It doesn't matter, right? You need to decide if someone is worth it.
Author Jakey22 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Read the post I made in the break-up section. I have decided who's worth it. Unfortunately, I didn't see this until it was to late and I lost her. Now I want to fix this issue and show her that I am doing my best to fix my temper for her. I love her more than anything and it took losing her to see it. I regret that a lot.
Nikki Sahagin Posted March 25, 2009 Posted March 25, 2009 I can relate to this a lot because I have suffered with extreme anger here and there to the extent where in the past on 2 occassions I had hit my boyfriend. FIRSTLY, anger is ALWAYS a secondary reaction, meaning the first reaction is something else; usually fear or hurt. Maybe you feel you aren't being listened to, understood, maybe you feel helpless etc. Then usually frustration settles in and then anger. As such anger doesn't usually JUST jump on you straight out - unless it's an extreme situation, it usually builds through other emotions. So check if when you feel hurt for instance, you then slowly build frustration and then become angry. So it SEEMS the anger comes from nowhere, but it's been building slyly for some time. The hardest part is avoiding the temptation to let this ritual play itself out. You can see it's a habit or a pattern which leads to anger, so naturally at some level or stage of that angers development, you need to CHANGE something, either how you think or what you do, rather than leave the anger to run it's usual habitual course. This is the hard part that I still struggle with because it's easier to just let a habit continue rather than take steps to actively change how you react to it. It's easier to be passive with regard to emotions than intervene. This is what I find most people have trouble with. Also with anger - anger can be ENJOYABLE. It can make some people feel energised and powerful in the throngs of it. For others it has the opposite effect and makes them feel overwhelmed and powerless. If anger feels positive for you, because it gets you what you want or makes you feel important, you need to focus on the come-down (the guilt, regret and the damage you do). The counseller will give you much better help and advice!
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