Author Woggle Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Perhaps because I weed those people out of my life pronto and focus on the positive around me. If I stopped hanging out with men who have woman drama I would be limited to hanging out with gay men and priests.
carhill Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Tell me, when women "vent" to their female friends about their husband's/SO's deficiencies, how is that viewed? I always thought it was known as sharing. Wogs is describing how men share. Many don't or won't, for reasons I've yet to fathom, but perhaps your post underscores the perception that men who share their problems are weak and are being walked on, where the strong man says nothing and internalizes his emotions and merely takes action. Interesting dynamic. Thanks for the example
MindoverMatter Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 She knows how I feel and she knows that as long as she does right by me I will do right by her. I will never cheat on her, abuse her, or try to control her. If she cheats she is out of the door with no discussion and if she ever brings up the word divorce she better mean it because there is no going back after that. I will not be some lap dog bending over backwards for a resentful nag. If she is not happy I will help her pack her bags and show her the door. How many threads do you have on here why you think about divorcing her? And how many of those were started not because she did something, but because you felt a relationship with any woman would be a waste of time? Did you not nearly call off the wedding for the same silly, immature reasons? But should she ever mention the word divorce, you would not "bend over backwards" because she would then be a resentful nag? Oh, someone fetch me a mirror.
clv0116 Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 Tell me, when women "vent" to their female friends about their husband's/SO's deficiencies, how is that viewed? I view it as a violation of marital trust. No one outside my marriage will ever hear anything bad about my wife from me, ever. Everything bad about her is a bad reflection on me. When problems come up WE work them out, only drama queens air their dirty linen out for everyone else to enjoy.
Author Woggle Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 Are all your male friends a bunch of whimps then who chose bee-yotches for wives, and then let said wives walk all over them? Sorry 'bout that. I have different kinds of friends than that. Once a man is married to a woman and has a family with her it is not so easy to walk away. Plus just because a woman is loving and sweet on the wedding does not mean she will stay like that.
Author Woggle Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 You get a bunch of women together and they will spew the worst bile you can imagine about the men in their lives. They often encourage each other to screw over their husbands and boyfriends and cheat on them. My ex fell in with one of these unofficial cheating women clubs and it is poison to any relationship. One of these groups is trying to recruit my current but she wants no part of it and tells me about it. They call her a stepford wife because she is faithful.
Author Woggle Posted March 18, 2009 Author Posted March 18, 2009 It doesn't make sense becuase in most cases it is not true. Men do gripe with each other but we usually don't go to the lengths women do to destroy our friend's marriages.
carhill Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 I'd like to chime in and say I can appreciate both POV's. I covered this in MC. It was part of my W prioritizing her friendships over our M. That said, I can't begin to share (I actually became overwhelmed reading the responses) how many women I've known share or have shared their marital issues with myself and other women with whom I associate. It happens so commonly, I thought it to be "normal" and that my feelings of betrayal were unhealthy. Our MC supported the inappropriateness of such alliances but, more importantly, he helped me understand why those alliances were inappropriate, just like my EA was inappropriate (wrong). IME, my male friends do not talk in detail about their marriages. My best friend has told me a few things and nothing intimate like I've heard from women. More how she drives him crazy with some of her behaviors (I don't want to be specific). I see it as just venting and generally forget the details. All I do is offer support and a caring ear. I guess I just haven't experienced the anger. The hurt, maybe, but just not enough to affect me that way. Today has been a good mirror.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 18, 2009 Posted March 18, 2009 IME, my male friends do not talk in detail about their marriages. My best friend has told me a few things and nothing intimate like I've heard from women. As a woman, I have to agree with this. I can't say I agree with Woggle's views on this thread in general...but carhill's comment here struck home. I think women tend to "spill" more to each other in this way--also in good ways, mind you--than men do. I can't picture my husband getting on the phone with his best friend and saying in a cracking voice, "She just...doesn't understand me. Why OH WHY can't I find a woman who either already 'gets' my inner emotions...or at least wants to? That's what I want. I want her to want to! Oh, I'm just so...tired." (Or maybe he does and I'm just missing it. I'd totally sneak up on him and tape that just to be a wise*ss.) When I'm furious with my husband and want to leave him by the curb in a Hefty bag, the first thing I do is get on the phone or IM with my sister to whine. When my husband is furious with me and wants to leave me by the curb in a Hefty bag, he...goes to bed early and then gets up in the morning hoping I'm in a better mood by then. ETA: Mind you, that doesn't mean my sister is saying "Well then leave him! Ohhhhhhh he's such a...bad, bad guy!" Quite the contrary, actually (again, here's where Woggle's views and mine part ways).
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 19, 2009 Posted March 19, 2009 I have come to the conclusion that in most cases marriages or relationships for a man is just one big effort to stay out of the doghouse. Your whole purpose is to keep a woman happy and keep her from being mad at you. If she is isn't sceaming at you or giving you the cold shoulder you have survived another day. Usually it is exercise in futility because she ends up resenting you anyway. It's like a videogame that you can never truly win but you might score high before you lose. `Can any men relate to this? LMAO:D kinda true, but if a woman has internal happiness already when you meet her and add to it, the relationship shouldnt be a problem.
Author Woggle Posted March 19, 2009 Author Posted March 19, 2009 LMAO:D kinda true, but if a woman has internal happiness already when you meet her and add to it, the relationship shouldnt be a problem. This is true but good luck finding a woman like that. All in all though this thread makes me appreciate what I have. If any man has truly good woman and is thinking of cheating a quick look at what else is out there should cure that in a second.
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