Woggle Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I have come to the conclusion that in most cases marriages or relationships for a man is just one big effort to stay out of the doghouse. Your whole purpose is to keep a woman happy and keep her from being mad at you. If she is isn't sceaming at you or giving you the cold shoulder you have survived another day. Usually it is exercise in futility because she ends up resenting you anyway. It's like a videogame that you can never truly win but you might score high before you lose. `Can any men relate to this?
blair08 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 If a mans whole purpose is to keep a woman happy like you say, then he has no business in a relationship anyway. Men who are happy within themselves, that usually shows in the things they do and say, which that alone would probably make some women happy, just knowing they had a happy, confident, caring, respectful partner. To me its about finding some kind of balance....if you're with a woman who you feel you have to try to make happy all the time, or try to keep your self out of the "doghouse" then you're probably with the wrong woman to begin with.
blair08 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Oooo, a man taking some responsibility for the state of his relationship?! What a concept! Good job, Blair! LOL! thanks!
JamesM Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 When I saw the title of this thread...and then saw the author, I knew it had to be good. I have come to the conclusion that in most cases marriages or relationships for a man is just one big effort to stay out of the doghouse. Your whole purpose is to keep a woman happy and keep her from being mad at you. Can any men relate to this? Sometimes, but no, not always. There IS a time of the month that this becomes reality, but for the most part, if you are "playing this game," then there are greater problems in your marriage. It should be a mutual effort to make each other happy. I think you are putting a negative spin to the reality of life....you can get anything you want if you give the right people anything THEY want. Apply that to marriage and it means that we should do what we can to make our partner successful in his or her endeavors. Marriage begins to break down when one partner does not live by this rule. I am willing to guess that many women could say that replacing women with men...and they have t he same scenario with their husband. Instead of being a wife, they are his mother.
Tony T Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I have come to the conclusion that in most cases marriages or relationships for a man is just one big effort to stay out of the doghouse. Your whole purpose is to keep a woman happy and keep her from being mad at you. If she is isn't screaming at you or giving you the cold shoulder you have survived another day. Usually it is exercise in futility because she ends up resenting you anyway. It's like a video game that you can never truly win but you might score high before you lose. `Can any men relate to this? It can be this way in some relationships for sure. Whether or not it's the rule, we have no way of knowing. Certainly it can be as you describe in many relationships some of the time. I'm also sure it's this way in some relationships ALL the time. Exactly what the percentages are I don't know. You have to go into it committed to doing your very best and hoping your partner is rational and sane. It helps to have a good measure of luck. Also please note that many men keep their partners walking on eggshells as well. It can work both ways. If it happens as you describe more than 20 percent of the time, we call that a highly dysfunctional situation.
angie2443 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Woggle, I mean this in no disrespect to you and I'm usually an anti-therapy person, but maybe you shoud see an IC. I know you have been hurt, I think most of us on these boards have been at one point, but you seem to have a huge amount of anger and rage built up. Maybe some IC can help you unload that anger. I think life would be a lot more enjoyable without walking around with a chip on your shoulder all the time.
audrey_1 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Men who are happy within themselves, that usually shows in the things they do and say, which that alone would probably make some women happy, just knowing they had a happy, confident, caring, respectful partner. **thunderous applause** I am not even sure if I want to be married, but I can certainly commit to a partnership with someone who exhibits the things Blair mentioned. But so far these men and my path haven't been crossing.
audrey_1 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Also please note that many men keep their partners walking on eggshells as well. It can work both ways. If it happens as you describe more than 20 percent of the time, we call that a highly dysfunctional situation. Wish my post hadn't crossed yours, Tony. But this is more like the type of guy my path HAS been crossing with.
Tony T Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Woggle, I mean this in no disrespect to you and I'm usually an anti-therapy person, but maybe you shoud see an IC. I know you have been hurt, I think most of us on these boards have been at one point, but you seem to have a huge amount of anger and rage built up. Maybe some IC can help you unload that anger. I think life would be a lot more enjoyable without walking around with a chip on your shoulder all the time. Woggle doesn't need a therapist, at least not where this thread is concerned. If anything, he may be guilty of making a generalization...because certainly the scenario he describes doesn't occur in every relationship. However, it does happen far more often than it should and it is worthy of note. I also hasten to mention that both male and female members of any relationship can create the type of environment that Woggle described. Unfortunately for the world, no amount of therapy for anybody will change the reality that these things happen.
Tony T Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Wish my post hadn't crossed yours, Tony. But this is more like the type of guy my path HAS been crossing with. In the case of a man exhibiting such behavior, you can't blame it on PMS or whatever...oh yes, perhaps a chemical imbalance of sorts that needs attention. In any case, the real problem here is that people start off nice as shxt, suck us in big time and then six months or a year later start the crap that Woggle describes. If it happened right off the bat, we could just walk away with no effort or emotion. That it happens later on in the relationship is what really sucks. To break away from the situation involves so much pain and emotion that we often just stick with it with the prayer than maybe, possibly one day the same force that brought this radical behavior on will also take it away.
JackJack Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I would imagine Woggle will come back and say he wasn't even talking about his relationship with his wife, but just asking a general question or making a statement for a post anyway. There have been many time he would make a post regarding this kind of thing or something silmilar only to come back and say he wasn't even talking about his wife.
JackJack Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Then if his current experience is so wonderful, why does he continue to focus on negativity? He'd better be careful with that attitude, or he'll lose what he has. True, but its usually that way with him. He will make posts like this and someone will mention something about if it was about his wife, only for him to come back and say no it wasn't, and that he should consider himself lucky his wife is NOT like some of the other women out here in the world. I do know that Woggle has issues with women or has had and has tried to deal with those issues the best way he can, but I'm not sure how he did end up with a wife so wonderful as he has described.
Author Woggle Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Of course I am not talking about my wife and there are exceptions to what I am talking about. This being said from what I see this is the reality for most men involved with women. I don't even think I need therapy because I just call it like I see it.
JetCityWoman Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 It sounds like you feel like you are in a no-win situation. Why is that? How long have you been married? Does your wife feel the same way you do or do you not talk anymore? Checkout this book "The Truth About Cheating" it has some great information on the why relationships get bad and how to cope.
Author Woggle Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 It sounds like you feel like you are in a no-win situation. Why is that? How long have you been married? Does your wife feel the same way you do or do you not talk anymore? Checkout this book "The Truth About Cheating" it has some great information on the why relationships get bad and how to cope. This is not about my marriage but for most men it is a no-win situation. No matter what you do she will eventually end up turning on you.
Author Woggle Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Get it yet? I don't focus on negativity but I can't ignore what's going on. Plus I do wonder if my wife will eventually turn on me. So far it is going very well bt many marriages go very well before the woman all of a sudden does a 180.
Touche Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 What's the purpose of this thread? To scare men? This is so ridiculous. By the way, you described my first marriage. There was no pleasing that man. It was like walking on eggshells to live with him. Thank God I found a gem because I was about to give up on all men.
marlena Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 It was like walking on eggshells to live with him. This to me is an absolute nightmare.
Author Woggle Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 What's the purpose of this thread? To scare men? This is so ridiculous. By the way, you described my first marriage. There was no pleasing that man. It was like walking on eggshells to live with him. Thank God I found a gem because I was about to give up on all men. Does he have to walk on eggshells with you? Just asking an honest question.
Touche Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Does he have to walk on eggshells with you? Just asking an honest question. Of course not, Woggle. Do I ever piss him off? Of course. Does he hesitate to tell me? No way. We never have had to tiptoe around each other. I would never respect a man who felt the need to "tiptoe" around me and couldn't speak out. I either back off or we compromise. We don't disagree on too much though.
carhill Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Your whole purpose is to keep a woman happy and keep her from being mad at you. LOL, like that is an achievable goal
Heroic Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Wog, marry somone you have similar interest and similar morals and this isn't an issue.
Touche Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 This to me is an absolute nightmare. It really was. It's weird though because you kind of get used to it until one day you just can't take it anymore. At least that's how it was for me.
OregonTraveller Posted March 16, 2009 Posted March 16, 2009 Interesting. I've seen both walk on eggshels...men and women. In my marriage, which sometimes its good...and then there are off days. And the list for things that could/would/have put her in a bad mood is long. A negitive comment from a teen (we have 5 kids)...some homework that was missed..etc... I think the term sometimes used is....Pussy Power...correct. My V-day dinner/day was assume....cept the wife fell asleep around 8. We havent had a date in a while (last weekend headache...weekend before too tired....no, not me...her). Have I screwed up in the past....yep.
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