he doesnt respect my feelings about the strip club

March 13, 2009

my bf always talks about goin to the strip club wit his friends. ive told him that since he is in a relationionship what is the need to go. weve been together for 3 years. he sometimes says that because i do like the idea he wont go.he also says that when he goes he's going to have a good time. he also got excited that a strip club near his job charges only 20 dollars for a lap dance.why do men go if they are in a relationship.is it because their women dont satisfy him.what is it and y wont he respect my feelings?does he not care?

March 13, 2009

hmmm i always play the cool gf part im like ok yahhh hell yah lets ****in go to the strip club!!!! then all the guys are like nah we dont really wanna go lol....my bf wouldnt go without me plus ill knock a bitch the **** out if she touches him one of the dirty ugly strippers

March 13, 2009

he doesnt respect my feelings about the strip club

Doesn't seem like you respect his feelings about it either.

If you're not ok with him going to clubs and he clearly is into it... time to go separate ways.

The fastest way to cause problems in a relationship is to try and force one person to do something they don't want to do.

March 13, 2009

You made it clear to him you don't care for it...he has made it clear to you he likes it, is going, and planning on having a good time.

This is not relationship... Sorry, I think its time to part ways.

March 13, 2009

Doesn't seem like you respect his feelings about it either.

If you're not ok with him going to clubs and he clearly is into it... time to go separate ways.

The fastest way to cause problems in a relationship is to try and force one person to do something they don't want to do.

They should break up because of a strip club? Doesn't make much sense, but alright..

...Why don't you try giving him a lap dance instead so he doesn't want to, tell him to download stripper videos if he's really curious, take lap dance classes together(they have them in most cities).. you know, make compromises.

Has he ever been to one, or have you? If not, maybe you guys can go together.. and both decide they're a HUGE waste of money.

I have been to strip clubs, and personally I find them stupid. They're expensive, the floors are always sticky, the girls are gross and for the same price as a lap dance it could be dinner for two and a lay (free in relationships in case he forgot). Went once with my boyfriend and he didn't like it either and said he'd rather go home and get laid.

Relationships are about compromises. Not changing each other. And not control. But serious compromises.

Or... if he really wants to go to a strip club, let him. Then inform him you'll be stripping on the weekends at house parties.

March 13, 2009

my bf always talks about goin to the strip club wit his friends. ive told him that since he is in a relationionship what is the need to go. weve been together for 3 years. he sometimes says that because i do like the idea he wont go.he also says that when he goes he's going to have a good time. he also got excited that a strip club near his job charges only 20 dollars for a lap dance.why do men go if they are in a relationship.is it because their women dont satisfy him.what is it and y wont he respect my feelings?does he not care?

See if you both can come to some kind of compromise on the issue, if neither of you are willing to do that, then it might be best to walk away from it.

Life is to short to continue to bang ones head against the wall trying to figure out why someone will not respect them and thier views on certainthings. Find someone who will and/or at least someone who can share your same views on a few things.

March 13, 2009

Life is to short to continue to bang ones head against the wall trying to figure out why someone will not respect them and thier views on certain things.

I wish more people understood this.. not that this girl sounds controlling, but so many people want to be controlling on this forum. Sadly, they don't even know they're being controlling, won't admit to it either.

So many relationships would be saved if people would just admit that they have control issues, and along with that self-esteem problems.

March 13, 2009

I think that many people also have selfish behaviors and shouldn't be in a relationship.

If his need to go to a strip club and get $20 lap dances is more important than acting like a man in a relationship, then I see it as his problem, not hers.

Her only problem is dating a guy like him. How is it a self-esteem issue on her part? I would think it's a self-esteem issue on HIS part to need that kind of attention from a stripper.

March 13, 2009

I think that many people also have selfish behaviors and shouldn't be in a relationship.

If his need to go to a strip club and get $20 lap dances is more important than acting like a man in a relationship, then I see it as his problem, not hers.

Her only problem is dating a guy like him. How is it a self-esteem issue on her part? I would think it's a self-esteem issue on HIS part to need that kind of attention from a stripper.

Yeah.. I'm not taking either side here. I left two comments in case you didn't see the other. I was talking from a general standpoint, that a lot of the people that come on this forum (flirting, jealous, cheating) are just DESPERATE for control of their partner. I didn't mean her, but anyone that is like "no, you can't do that, you can't do this," or "this makes me angry."

I'm a firm believer in compromises, and suggested a few.

It IS a self-esteem issue on her part, and a respect issue on his part. She should be confident in herself, in her relationship enough to know that he'll be coming home to her at night and that he loves her (the only emotion he has regarding a stripper is a boner, I'm sure)..

He should man up and be respectful to his girlfriend and her feelings. I already made suggestions on compromises.

But really... ask him how he would like it if your other job was a stripper.. if he doesn't like it, tell him you're going to do it anyway and you don't care how he feels about it.

March 13, 2009

my bf always talks about goin to the strip club wit his friends. ive told him that since he is in a relationionship what is the need to go. weve been together for 3 years. he sometimes says that because i do like the idea he wont go.he also says that when he goes he's going to have a good time. he also got excited that a strip club near his job charges only 20 dollars for a lap dance.why do men go if they are in a relationship.is it because their women dont satisfy him.what is it and y wont he respect my feelings?does he not care?

I wont go to strip clubs. If I have to pay a woman to be interested in me... whats the point?

Also, if you put some thought into it... attending strip clubs gives you a glimpse of how he views women. Chances are he doesn't have a ton of respect for your gender. Is that something you can accept in a man?

March 13, 2009

Classic conflict.

Two free entities choosing to be together and being together when they can.

OR

Contract, where one controls what the other can do.

I can see either one working. Often a lack of balance. "I can do what I want, but you better toe the line."

I'm thinking we'll see the nature of relationships change in response. Hey, I know engaged girls who carefully like a friend on the side because they don't get everything they need. Often as not this seems to be cuddling and talking about the things they don't get to talk about with their SO. Too many SOs just won't talk about hard things without being judgmental!

But about strip clubs. What options? Always a problem with building resentments in a relationship.

1. You go, I don't like to go.

2. You go, I go.

3. You go, I leave.

4. You go, I do things I want to, you don't whine.

5. You go, I resent it and stay pissed.

Only the last one really seems destructive. But that's the typical one.

I have to say, that if my SO suddenly wanted to go to see male dancers with the girls, I would probably not mind. Actually, I'd beg to go, too, but most guys probably wouldn't like it, and I would get all google eyed. She'd probably NOT want me to go for that reason.

Resentment is the key. I do everything not to resent my wife. If she needed to step out with a guy or a girl without me, I'd make peace with it and give the go ahead. She's an independent being and letting her be who she is proves more important to me. If that became more important than staying with me, well, that's the way things would work. Not that I wouldn't counter the moves, but relationships just move in interesting ways.

An interesting way of looking at it would be to think of compartmentalization. Some people are great at it, some not. I compartmentalize very very well. Something about post-traumatic stress. I did a bunch of work on it with various helping people. Anyway. I compartmentalize. I am here now with this person, everything else is in another box. So I can just let her do things and it's OK.

Personally, I find strip places boring unless I can talk to someone. I'm a weird client. I'd rather chat about kids and the news than have some stranger's pussy in my face.

March 13, 2009

Just tell him you're ok with him going, but make sure when you tell him this, that you'll be headed to a male strip club with some friends the same night, and that you will have a good time as well.

Would be interesting to see how he takes that. He might be fine with it. Who knows.

Anyway I don't think the OP is controlling him about the strip club...she didn't tell him he could not go and was demanding about it. She simply stated she didn't care for it and didn't see a reason for him too.

March 13, 2009

I wont go to strip clubs. If I have to pay a woman to be interested in me... whats the point?

Also, if you put some thought into it... attending strip clubs gives you a glimpse of how he views women. Chances are he doesn't have a ton of respect for your gender. Is that something you can accept in a man?

Last time I went to a strip joint was when I was single and went with some friends.

I haven't ever been while in a relationship or since I've been married. I see no point. So I can relate.

March 13, 2009

I agree with everyone that sais to split. It's not important who's right or wrong about the strip club thing. The bottem line is that it hurts you to be with someone who likes going to them. Let him find a girlfriend who isn't hurt by him going to these clubs and you find someone who doesn't feel a need to ge to these clubs. Then, everyone will be happy. If you guys stay together, this issue will most likely blow up in your faces somewhere down the road.

March 13, 2009

my bf always talks about goin to the strip club wit his friends. ive told him that since he is in a relationionship what is the need to go. weve been together for 3 years. he sometimes says that because i do like the idea he wont go.he also says that when he goes he's going to have a good time. he also got excited that a strip club near his job charges only 20 dollars for a lap dance.why do men go if they are in a relationship.is it because their women dont satisfy him.what is it and y wont he respect my feelings?does he not care?

Time to find a bf that respects your feelings.

March 13, 2009

Time to find a bf that respects your feelings.

Agreed.

If he is not meeting your standards, and won't respect you enough to quit going, dump him.

It would be one thing if you were not into strip clubs but cool with him going, but clearly you are not.

It sounds like you have competing interests. If this issue means this much to you, there is no reason to compromise your self-respect just to hold on to a boyfriend. Let him find a gf who is okay with it.

March 13, 2009

I agree that the two of you aren't right for each other. If he likes strip clubs and you are against them there really isn't any type of compromise that the two of you could reach that you would both be truly happy with.

March 14, 2009

Just wanted to preface this post to say that I'm hoping to give a mans point of view. Not trying to pick on you personally!

...Why don't you try giving him a lap dance instead so he doesn't want to,

It's not about missing out on lapdances. It's about variety. Men are built to like variety. It's an evolutionary trait so that we spread our genes as wide as possible.

Strip clubs are about variety, not something we're missing from our partners.

Has he ever been to one, or have you? If not, maybe you guys can go together.. and both decide they're a HUGE waste of money.

Agreed, they are a huge waste of money...... if you buy lap dances.

If you go just for the free shows, drinks and music... they're no more expensive than a regular club, where you watch average women in clothes

I have been to strip clubs, and personally I find them stupid. They're expensive, the floors are always sticky, the girls are gross

1) You're not a man

2) They're not expensive if you avoid private dances.

3) Sticky floors, gross women? - Visit better clubs.

Relationships are about compromises. Not changing each other. And not control. But serious compromises.

I agree with this, and add that relationships are about understanding your partner is completely different than you and they perceive the world differently. Trying to force any person into your view of the world doesn't work.

Or... if he really wants to go to a strip club, let him. Then inform him you'll be stripping on the weekends at house parties.

Bad analogy. Performer vs Viewer. More accurate would be to say that if he goes to strip clubs to watch. You will go to a male strip club to watch.

March 14, 2009

"Bad analogy. Performer vs Viewer. More accurate would be to say that if he goes to strip clubs to watch. You will go to a male strip club to watch.

Not a bad analogy at all. In general, men like to look while women like to be looked at. Why shouldn't she be able to have a variety of men looking at her if he gets to look at a variety of women?

Having said that, I think only an ignorent person would advise these people to stay together. They have differant needs and should find other people who fit them better.

March 14, 2009

"Bad analogy. Performer vs Viewer. More accurate would be to say that if he goes to strip clubs to watch. You will go to a male strip club to watch."

Not a bad analogy at all. In general, men like to look while women like to be looked at. Why shouldn't she be able to have a variety of men looking at her if he gets to look at a variety of women?

Having said that, I think only an ignorent person would advise these people to stay together. They have differant needs and should find other people who fit them better.

Wow, I think I know now, why I have never been in a serious relationship. So many horror stories! :-)

I don't think I would care if my boyfriend went to a strip club. I agree though that the girl should suggest this. Her being looked at by many men VS. Him looking at many women. No different, in my opinion.

March 15, 2009

It's not about missing out on lapdances. It's about variety. Men are built to like variety. It's an evolutionary trait so that we spread our genes as wide as possible.

.

If a man wants variety can't he just look at porn instead of going somewhere where there are live naked women. There is a big difference between lap dances and watching a porno I think.

March 16, 2009

If a man wants variety can't he just look at porn instead of going somewhere where there are live naked women. There is a big difference between lap dances and watching a porno I think.

He probably looks at porn too.

Variety in the way he gets variety.

March 16, 2009

YEAH he does watch porn,but not regularly.i occasionally will take a glance at it too. i dont really mind porn unless its excessively watched. its just u can cheat at a strip club and u cant cheat while watching porn. he told me that he will only go to a sc with his friends and not alone and that it will never be a regular thing. should i believe that. the topic hasnt came up lately,but it will probably come up again. please everyone comment with advice even if its negative.

March 16, 2009

I've gone to a club a few times with my BF, and I certainly didn't find anything there sticky, and the women were fairly attractive for the most part. I went out of curiousity, but it isn't something that I really enjoyed. I have more fun at a regular nightclub where we can dance.

My BF has gone once or twice without me, and it doesn't bother me. I know he finds me very sexually attractive, and that he loves me. I trust him when he says that he wouldn't do anything like a lap dance or going in a private room or anything; he tends to be a bit shy, as well. He also doesn't have a few extra hundreds to drop on that, and he and I both are pretty careful about cleanliness and STD's and he would be pretty skeeved out about a dancer actually rubbing all over him.

I think what would bother me most about your scenario here is that he was all excited about $20 lapdances. That indicates that 1) he is going to a really cheap club where the boundaries between client/dancer interaction may be pretty blurred and that 2) he is getting lapdances.

March 16, 2009

maybe i over exaggerated about the excitement,i was in the car when he was telling his friend about it(who was also in the car).i dont think that he is getting them.i know he finds me sexually attractive.if he didnt he wouldnt want to have sex with me.sometimes he wants to when i dont want to.he's never been to a strip club by the way.4 the most part he always tells me where he is and what he is doing. i just think that men in relationships should go to strip clubs.i feel that it is 4 single men.or men who cant get any. what do u think??

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he doesnt respect my feelings about the strip club

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