jj33 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 As Princess said you want to set the right example for your daughter. Making it clear that you and her father are not involved will set a good example for her. She will then be like the daughter of any other divorced parents. She has a father, whom she knows but he and her mother dont live together. Hang in there you are doing the right thing. Cut him loose and get your self respect back. You deserve far more than this man is willing to give. Its almost guaranteed that in the future you will look back and be glad you have your daughter but almost as glad you are not with him. Hes weak. And selfish and indecisive. Not the qualities you need in a husband.
NoIDidn't Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 jnj...if you are looking for another supportive resource, go to gloryb.com. I've had to confront my own demons, and this site is very supportive to OW who want to get out. I have been following it for the past several days, and it's an eye-opener. And please, don't send your daughter out into the world dealing with this mess. I would almost be inclined to say that, in this instance, she may be better off if he's not around. He's a terrible example to her. She'll end up with someone just like him when she grows up. Is that what you want? Leave room for a real father for her. There's one out there who will love you AND your girl. The rest of this paragraph is the exact reason that I discourage you from going to that site. It promotes a demonize MM because he didn't choose you mentality. It absolves the OW of any person responsibility from being with the MM and the pain it brought. You sound like a very thoughtful person (one that allows her child and father a relationship even in a difficult situation) and this site will just set you back if not derail you altogether. I think its great that he has shared custody. I think it sucks that you were alone for two years, but it was great that he's always been in her life. He made his choice. Part of your responsibility is deciding if his choice works for you as well. He wants you to wait. You don't want to wait. He wants you to continue doing exactly what you don't want to do: be his OW. You don't want to be his OW anymore. You want all of him. Your choice is pretty simple, to me. You are just scared of actually implementing it. I understand. But lemme tell you, once you jump off this ride with him life will open up to you and you will find that your fears were just that: fears.
tami-chan Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 Looking at her past gives her clues to her future. It helps her see things in 20/20 you know hindsight and all. A person who can't look at their past and see ways to make improvements is a person on the verge of death. And I resent your attempt to paint me as a villain because I ask questions to get someone to see what is in front of them. The answer is there within herself, her life experiences and her goals. I told her just like you did to get a plan. But what is she planning for? Without awareness she won't go anywhere fast. She has already done that, but obviously not enough for you. Now she just wants to be helped in breaking the hold. Maybe it is something you should try. It works wonders in affirming decisions about the future.Maybe, I should or maybe I have, but that's moot and academic, I am not the one in need of help on this thread. Don't get confused. Most counselors will use this as one of the techniques to see if there are patterns of self sabotage. Or patterns that stem from issues of childhood or school. How do I know this? You don't know what I do for a living, do you?No, I don't know what you do for a living, am I supposed to?. But I sure do hope you do not do marriage counseling, as I think you are too skewed to be a fair and effective one, mho. Perhaps the key would be "heal thyself, first"...
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