moodoo Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 So I had a long distance relationship with a girl for a year, from August 2006-September 2007. We would visit each other every weekend. I lived in Austin and she lived in Dallas. In September 2007 after no sign of any problems out of the ordinary, she cheats on me with a professional athlete in Dallas. I get depressed but have to stay focused on finishing my MBA so I decide to cut contact with her for a while. In December she finds out I am starting to talk to someone else so she makes a hard push to get me back, she even decides to spend New Year's with me. I accept her attempt and she says I want to see where this is going and I don't want to have sex, I comply as a relationship is more important than sex. I get a little confused because we had already had sex many times before, but anyways. We start seeing each other once a month and she comes to see me on my birthday in May. I ask her if we're going to get back together and she says she isn't sure but she is definitely not seeing that athlete again. My birthday was the last time I saw her. She is 25, finished her MBA Christmas 2007 and never found a job so she is living at home and I think experiencing depression. She grew up in a household where the parents divorced but are still very close friends today and I think she sees that kind of relationship as normal. I don't know what to do after our last argument 2 weeks ago we haven't spoken. I am moving to San Diego in early May to open an office for my computer company and I don't know what to do. I love her but I don't know why. When she cheated on me, I got suspicious and had a friend who was a PI find out and my gut was indeed right. She says me hiring a PI broke her trust, but what the hell, you were wasting my time by cheating and she tries to make me feel bad for wanting to know the truth. All in all it was two years ago and I want to put it behind me but I just want to know if I am wasting my time trying with this girl or is she actually depressed from not having a job/friends and those things are working against me? Thanks for any help you can offer
gavinus Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 In my opinion if she wanted to be with you she would even if she was not depressed. It sounds like she wants you back when she needs you and when she doesn't need you she doesn't want you. My advice move on and meet a women who wants to be with you 24/7 for just being you
popey Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 if she cheated on you, and then tried to place the blame on you for having to use outside means to find out; then she is not willing to even take responsibility for her own wrong doing in your relationship. That alone, for whatever reason, would make it extremely difficult for you to have a mutual relationship. So whatever her situation is, sounds like she's not in a place to make it work. Sorry.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 hmmm it just sucks that she cheated on you....i dont know why people make affairs/cheating so casual now like its normal u should just get over it and move on IN the realtionship. to me i look at it like if somone really truley loves you they wnt want to hurt you so they would break it off first before being scandalous you know....trust me not all girls cheat....some do just like some guys do...i think is about meeting a genuine loyal nice person... i know its easy for people to say just mv on she ****in cheating on you!!! but i wont say that i feel like yuo should be with somone who will never hurt you. let me tell you somthing once a cheater always a cheater if my bf that im with now was to cheat on me id be heartbroken and never want to b in a realtionship with him again just cause id feel like man this perosn never even loved me at all!!! then you'll start to become paranoid about everything if their lying to you if their still sneaking **** behind your back, you'll start to constantly have anxeity about everything. you deserve somone who loves you and will treat you right and be loyal.
St. Nick Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Ask yourself what you want out of a relationship. Write it all down and see how much of it you're getting or have gotten out of your current relationship with her. If you've barely gotten 50% on your list then it might be time to move on. Sometimes breaking up is not quitting or something your should be unhappy about, rather it is something you should rejoice in. Look at all the problems she's got: 1. She has a degree but no job. 2. A grown woman living at her parents home. 3. She cheated on you but she couldn't even keep that relationship going. 4. She blames you for stuff she did wrong. 5. She's vague and apprehensive when she should be straightforward. She really has social problems. She can't connect with her loved ones it seems. She also has a problem staying focused, both in terms of a career and in terms of a relationship. My advice: get out of that relationship. It looks like you're off to bigger and better things. Moving to San Diego and starting a good life seems like a great idea. It may help you focus on your career more and experience larger and more diverse group of individuals that will help you grow, rather than staying in a stagnant relationship with a girl who cannot commit.
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