Does your SO flirt with the opposite sex?

[mr.dream merchant]

If so, do you get annoyed or angry about it but keep it to yourself?

 

How would you react if you noticed your SO flirting with the opposite sex in your presence?

 

What would you make of your SO sharing jokes, laughs, and smiles with a member of the opposite sex frequently (Same Person on a daily basis)? Would you consider it flirting? Would it bother you at all?

 

Would it bother you if this person of the opposite sex wasn't this close to her prior to your relationship? Or if she met them after you and him/her started dating?

[Ocean-Blue]

I probably flirt more than he does. He is the type of guy that doesn't allow much to faze him. However, my flirting is harmless, the rare times that I have done it.

 

If he were to flirt with a woman, I normally would say, no, it wouldn't bother me. But you know what? If it were to actually happen, I'd be really angry. Now the way I flirt is pretty innocent. I don't even know that you can call it flirting.

 

But yeah, if he were complimenting the same person or flirting with the same person, it would drive me nuts! I wouldn't like it at all. I'm delusional enough to think, now, that he has eyes only for me. I honestly feel like he does, and for him to do something that shows otherwise, would just shatter this delusion.

[mr.dream merchant]

I probably flirt more than he does. He is the type of guy that doesn't allow much to faze him. However, my flirting is harmless, the rare times that I have done it.

 

If he were to flirt with a woman, I normally would say, no, it wouldn't bother me. But you know what? If it were to actually happen, I'd be really angry. Now the way I flirt is pretty innocent. I don't even know that you can call it flirting.

 

But yeah, if he were complimenting the same person or flirting with the same person, it would drive me nuts! I wouldn't like it at all. I'm delusional enough to think, now, that he has eyes only for me. I honestly feel like he does, and for him to do something that shows otherwise, would just shatter this delusion.

 

So its okay for you to flirt but not him? What is your method of flirting? Describe it if you will.

[Ocean-Blue]

So its okay for you to flirt but not him? What is your method of flirting? Describe it if you will.

 

Maybe "flirting" was the wrong word to use. It's more of a lack of response on my end when someone flirts with me. I usually tell guys I have a boyfriend, right off the bat, when they attempt to flirt. But this has led to some uncomfortable discussion, where the guy gets defensive and insists he wasn't trying to ask me out.

 

Usually I respond in a playful, sarcastic manner when someone flirts with me. Some might construe it to be an invitation to flirt more. Does that make sense? Also, when a man compliments me, depending on how he does it, I see that as flirting. So rather than respond with some rude comment, I just laugh and thank them. This too, in the eyes of some, could be seen as flirting.

 

The thing is, I pretty much talk to him about all of it. We're in an LDR, so I tell him about my day. When it comes up, I'll tell him what happened and how I responded. It doesn't bother him at all.

[mr.dream merchant]

Maybe "flirting" was the wrong word to use. It's more of a lack of response on my end when someone flirts with me. I usually tell guys I have a boyfriend, right off the bat, when they attempt to flirt. But this has led to some uncomfortable discussion, where the guy gets defensive and insists he wasn't trying to ask me out.

 

Usually I respond in a playful, sarcastic manner when someone flirts with me. Some might construe it to be an invitation to flirt more. Does that make sense? Also, when a man compliments me, depending on how he does it, I see that as flirting. So rather than respond with some rude comment, I just laugh and thank them. This too, in the eyes of some, could be seen as flirting.

 

The thing is, I pretty much talk to him about all of it. We're in an LDR, so I tell him about my day. When it comes up, I'll tell him what happened and how I responded. It doesn't bother him at all.

 

 

Ah I know what you mean. My GF is the same way except for some reason she never really throws it out there that she has a BF, she just politely disengages from the situation. The male co-workers at her office always make moves on her, but she evades it in a nice polite manner because that's her personality. Now there are some who directly asked if she has a BF and she said yes, and since then her attention has died down because I think the whole office is aware of it.

 

Do females really ever see being polite and courteous as inviting to a male? Because it sometimes can be taken that way by a guy who's got an eye for you. If he approaches you in a friendly manner, he's trying to see if you'll reciprocate that friendliness and politeness, he's "testing the waters" so to speak. Now if they keep coming back would you take it upon yourself to volunteer your status as taken? Not directly but in a roundabout way?

[Untouchable_Fire]

Maybe "flirting" was the wrong word to use. It's more of a lack of response on my end when someone flirts with me. I usually tell guys I have a boyfriend, right off the bat, when they attempt to flirt. But this has led to some uncomfortable discussion, where the guy gets defensive and insists he wasn't trying to ask me out.

Usually I respond in a playful, sarcastic manner when someone flirts with me. Some might construe it to be an invitation to flirt more. Does that make sense? Also, when a man compliments me, depending on how he does it, I see that as flirting. So rather than respond with some rude comment, I just laugh and thank them. This too, in the eyes of some, could be seen as flirting.

The thing is, I pretty much talk to him about all of it. We're in an LDR, so I tell him about my day. When it comes up, I'll tell him what happened and how I responded. It doesn't bother him at all.

 

It doesn't bother him because you handle this perfectly!

[Ocean-Blue]

Ah I know what you mean. My GF is the same way except for some reason she never really throws it out there that she has a BF, she just politely disengages from the situation. The male co-workers at her office always make moves on her, but she evades it in a nice polite manner because that's her personality. Now there are some who directly asked if she has a BF and she said yes, and since then her attention has died down because I think the whole office is aware of it.

 

Do females really ever see being polite and courteous as inviting to a male? Because it sometimes can be taken that way by a guy who's got an eye for you. If he approaches you in a friendly manner, he's trying to see if you'll reciprocate that friendliness and politeness, he's "testing the waters" so to speak. Now if they keep coming back would you take it upon yourself to volunteer your status as taken? Not directly but in a roundabout way?

 

The dropping of the "B" bomb is always an interesting exercise. I never know when to divulge this little tid bit. I feel incredibly uncomfortable talking to a man, for an extended period of time, without letting him know that I am taken. When I'm out with my girlfriends, which hasn't happened in a while (I'm away from home), they usually blurt out that I have someone. I feel really badly for the guys, because I know what totally punk off it is to them to have that abruptly announced, because the implication is that they were just dying to date me. Know what I mean?

 

She probably doesn't want to come across as arrogant or presumptous, so she keeps it under wraps, unless a clear response is warranted, in the case of a direction question. If her other behaviour is consisent and doesn't alarm you, this shouldn't. She's responding how most committed women respond.

 

As for how to respond to someone you're being to nice, that someone who keeps coming back to talk to you... This is yet another tricky one. I've had instances where the window of opportunity, to let them know my status, has long since passed. I'll talk to X, be polite and considerate, and X continues to talk to me. X never asks about my status and I never found the right time to mention it, for the reasons I've mentioned above, and then, it gets to a point where you want to say something but you don't because it's just too weird at that point.

 

That said, there are some guys who will vigorously pursue a woman, regardless of her status. The last time I was out, some months ago, my housemate and her friends repeated told the guys we were with that I was with someone. The guys didn't care. They continued to talk to me and flirt with me, though I responded by merely being polite. In such cases, I have NO PROBLEM letting them know that I am not interested.

 

While I can be considerate and even coy at times, when the situation warrants, I have no qualms about unequivocally expressing that I am NOT interested in them.

[prettybaby]

If so, do you get annoyed or angry about it but keep it to yourself?

My ex used to do that. I felt insulted more than anything else. I never discussed it with anyone, except maybe briefly with him directly. I have a rule when I'm in a relationship: what happens in my relationship, stays in my relationship (well, LoveShack doesn't count ).

 

How would you react if you noticed your SO flirting with the opposite sex in your presence?

I used to not really say much in the beginning. Later on I ended up just grabbing his arm and pulling him my way with a semi jokingly "baby, stop flirting for 5 minutes" comment. It kind of eased up the whole situation and people would feel less awkward knowing I was aware of it and not getting too crushed by it lol Of course, that's also when I stopped caring about him. I grow tired of someone if they pull that kind of crap over and over again. It's a big turn off.

 

What would you make of your SO sharing jokes, laughs, and smiles with a member of the opposite sex frequently (Same Person on a daily basis)? Would you consider it flirting? Would it bother you at all?

It wouldn't worry me too much. A lot of adults share jokes and laughs without any flirting purposes. It all depends on how they do it. If there's strong body language pointing towards flirting, then yes, I'd keep my eyes open.

 

Would it bother you if this person of the opposite sex wasn't this close to her prior to your relationship? Or if she met them after you and him/her started dating?

That would depend on how solid and secure my relationship was. If there are already issues to begin with, then I might see it as a threat. If the relationship is blissful and I know he adores me and isn't interested in anyone else; then I'd actually be kind of flattered that some other chick would try and get closer

[mr.dream merchant]

The dropping of the "B" bomb is always an interesting exercise. I never know when to divulge this little tid bit. I feel incredibly uncomfortable talking to a man, for an extended period of time, without letting him know that I am taken. When I'm out with my girlfriends, which hasn't happened in a while (I'm away from home), they usually blurt out that I have someone. I feel really badly for the guys, because I know what totally punk off it is to them to have that abruptly announced, because the implication is that they were just dying to date me. Know what I mean?

 

She probably doesn't want to come across as arrogant or presumptous, so she keeps it under wraps, unless a clear response is warranted, in the case of a direction question. If her other behaviour is consisent and doesn't alarm you, this shouldn't. She's responding how most committed women respond.

 

As for how to respond to someone you're being to nice, that someone who keeps coming back to talk to you... This is yet another tricky one. I've had instances where the window of opportunity, to let them know my status, has long since passed. I'll talk to X, be polite and considerate, and X continues to talk to me. X never asks about my status and I never found the right time to mention it, for the reasons I've mentioned above, and then, it gets to a point where you want to say something but you don't because it's just too weird at that point.

 

That said, there are some guys who will vigorously pursue a woman, regardless of her status. The last time I was out, some months ago, my housemate and her friends repeated told the guys we were with that I was with someone. The guys didn't care. They continued to talk to me and flirt with me, though I responded by merely being polite. In such cases, I have NO PROBLEM letting them know that I am not interested.

 

While I can be considerate and even coy at times, when the situation warrants, I have no qualms about unequivocally expressing that I am NOT interested in them.

 

That's what I figured, at times its a tiny bit frustrating. I mean if you know for sure a guy is pursuing, wouldn't it be better for all three parties to just draw the line?

[Ocean-Blue]

That's what I figured, at times its a tiny bit frustrating. I mean if you know for sure a guy is pursuing, wouldn't it be better for all three parties to just draw the line?

 

Yeah, ideally you tell him ASAP. But, as I said, it's all about timing.

 

And to be honest, part of it is the allure of the attention. You like the attention. Obviously, I will not do anything to compromise my relationship. But if it's harmless attention basking, I don't see the problem (unless you are actively responding and leading them on).

[mr.dream merchant]

Yeah, ideally you tell him ASAP. But, as I said, it's all about timing.

 

And to be honest, part of it is the allure of the attention. You like the attention. Obviously, I will not do anything to compromise my relationship. But if it's harmless attention basking, I don't see the problem (unless you are actively responding and leading them on).

 

 

I understand but is it the case of wanting that attention from the opposite sex or appreciating it when it just so happens to come your way?

[Ocean-Blue]

I understand but is it the case of wanting that attention from the opposite sex or appreciating it when it just so happens to come your way?

 

I can't speak for your gf, but generally speaking, MOST women do enjoy male attention (sans the psychotic type of attention). Some women go out of their way to get this attention. Others enjoy it when it comes, but don't actively pursue it.

 

What exactly is it that bothers you?

[mr.dream merchant]

I can't speak for your gf, but generally speaking, MOST women do enjoy male attention (sans the psychotic type of attention). Some women go out of their way to get this attention. Others enjoy it when it comes, but don't actively pursue it.

 

What exactly is it that bothers you?

 

I guess the fact of my GF enjoying another male's attention. I guess I gotta know exactly what you mean by enjoying it. Enjoying it as in its flattering for her? She appreciates it? When I receive attention from other females I don't enjoy it so to speak, I just appreciate the fact that they acknowledge my attractiveness. To say I enjoy it to me would imply that I'd seek that attention out since it brings me such joy.

[Ocean-Blue]

I guess the fact of my GF enjoying another male's attention. I guess I gotta know exactly what you mean by enjoying it. Enjoying it as in its flattering for her? She appreciates it? When I receive attention from other females I don't enjoy it so to speak, I just appreciate the fact that they acknowledge my attractiveness. To say I enjoy it to me would imply that I'd seek that attention out since it brings me such joy.

 

By "enjoy," I mean being flattered. When someone tells you that you are attractive or otherwise indicates they are interested in you sexually, it IS flattering. As I said, there is a limit to this. I am not talking about nut jobs who watch you from afar, breathing heavily.

 

You should ask your girlfriend about how she feels. Bear in mind, none of this really matters if you're confident that she loves YOU and is committed to you.

[mr.dream merchant]

By "enjoy," I mean being flattered. When someone tells you that you are attractive or otherwise indicates they are interested in you sexually, it IS flattering. As I said, there is a limit to this. I am not talking about nut jobs who watch you from afar, breathing heavily.

 

You should ask your girlfriend about how she feels. Bear in mind, none of this really matters if you're confident that she loves YOU and is committed to you.

 

To be honest she said she doesn't enjoy the attention. That's why I was skeptical about the word. You don't have to enjoy the attention to be flattered by it. Its the same as a gross old lady telling me I'm handsome, I won't enjoy it, infact it would be quite awkward, but it will be flattering nonetheless.

[Ocean-Blue]

To be honest she said she doesn't enjoy the attention. That's why I was skeptical about the word. You don't have to enjoy the attention to be flattered by it. Its the same as a gross old lady telling me I'm handsome, I won't enjoy it, infact it would be quite awkward, but it will be flattering nonetheless.

 

So if the attention doesn't bring her rapture, what is the problem?

[mr.dream merchant]

So if the attention doesn't bring her rapture, what is the problem?

 

There isn't one lol, I was interested in everyone else's take on the situation.

[collegekid491]

The thing is, I pretty much talk to him about all of it. We're in an LDR, so I tell him about my day. When it comes up, I'll tell him what happened and how I responded. It doesn't bother him at all.

 

How would you be able to tell if it bothered him at all if the original poster said that he bottles it up? Is it not possible that your SO is just 'putting up' with it but actually doesn't like it?

 

I know I sound like I'm being difficult, but I do understand some people can tolerate it more then others. If they know you don't like it and still do it, it would piss me off, otherwise, they don't know yet, so if you choose not to tell them your just not allowing them to try and make you feel more comfortable.

[Ocean-Blue]

How would you be able to tell if it bothered him at all if the original poster said that he bottles it up? Is it not possible that your SO is just 'putting up' with it but actually doesn't like it?

 

I know I sound like I'm being difficult, but I do understand some people can tolerate it more then others. If they know you don't like it and still do it, it would piss me off, otherwise, they don't know yet, so if you choose not to tell them your just not allowing them to try and make you feel more comfortable.

 

I know him inside out. He is extremely confident and strong. His thinking is that I am with him, not the other guys, so there is no problem. He knows that I wouldn't step out on him. He knows me pretty well.

 

If he trusts me, and he knows what's happening, why would he respond by being upset?

[collegekid491]

I know him inside out. He is extremely confident and strong. His thinking is that I am with him, not the other guys, so there is no problem. He knows that I wouldn't step out on him. He knows me pretty well.

 

If he trusts me, and he knows what's happening, why would he respond by being upset?

 

Well I'm not trying to pick on you, I'm just throwing and example. I mean, for the sake of argument (use me as an example so you don't take this the wrong way), if I flirt with a girl and my gf seems ok with it, I feel I'm ok to do it right? Well maybe the relationship hits a new milestone and she no longer feels I should be doing that but doesn't tell me. She could put up with it and smile/joke with me for months, even years, then out of no where broadside me with 'I don't like it when you flirt'. Don't say it doesn't happen, I know it does, and generally it happens when I assume I know the rules.

 

Its not a confidence thing, I play confident to the side of arrogant lol, its more of a trust thing. I mean, my gf will flirt with guys to get a drink at the bar (they have their little contests lol), i couldn't care less, but even for me there's a boundary where it would start to bug me, but chances are its different from someone else's.

[Ocean-Blue]

Well I'm not trying to pick on you, I'm just throwing and example. I mean, for the sake of argument (use me as an example so you don't take this the wrong way), if I flirt with a girl and my gf seems ok with it, I feel I'm ok to do it right? Well maybe the relationship hits a new milestone and she no longer feels I should be doing that but doesn't tell me. She could put up with it and smile/joke with me for months, even years, then out of no where broadside me with 'I don't like it when you flirt'. Don't say it doesn't happen, I know it does, and generally it happens when I assume I know the rules.

 

Its not a confidence thing, I play confident to the side of arrogant lol, its more of a trust thing. I mean, my gf will flirt with guys to get a drink at the bar (they have their little contests lol), i couldn't care less, but even for me there's a boundary where it would start to bug me, but chances are its different from someone else's.

 

I know his boundary. I never cross it.

[nicki]

I'm a very loyal girlfriend. In my experience, most guys DO think I'm flirting with them if I am friendly towards them. I get asked out a lot by strangers.

 

So, I am friendly, but after a few minutes of talking, I will casually throw in a comment about my boyfriend. As in, oh, my boyfriend is also an Account Manager, or liked that movie, too. Then I move the conversation back to the guy I'm talking to or to something else neutral. And I smile. No big deal.

 

If complimented by a guy during the same conversation on my eyes or something else, I will smile, laugh, thank him, and tell him by boyfriend likes them, too.

 

It saves them the embarrassment of asking me out, and if I mention it in a very quick and innocent way, it sends a subtle message. If they weren't going to ask me out, then it could be construed as simple conversation.

 

No harm. No foul.

 

But, guys that know me from the office or anywhere else where I would speak to them regularly, know I have a boyfriend. That's simple respect.

[boldjack]

O cean has hit the nail right on the head. When you enter a relationship, Both partners set the boundaries of contact with the opposite sex , that they are willing to accept. My wife and I are flirted with all the time, but each of us know when enough is enough.