Difficult Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I met this girl 3 weeks ago. We were immediately drawn to each other and have been dating since. We have spent a lot of time together and talk everyday. It has been very intense and we have also been quite intimate. She even said that she feels like i'm the one she has been waiting for and would often ask if she was putting me off her. We really like each other and are attracted to each other. But for the last few days she has changed, she says she feels that she doesn't seei this developing into anything more although at first she wanted more and has been scared. She does want to continue seeing me but also said that we should tone things down a little. I told her that I would like this to develop into something more, i.e her be my girlfriend but she said she does not think we are compatiable and suited as partners. I don't know what makes her think this. I know i really like her and I like the way things are going and we have agreed to keep seeing each other but when I said I wouldn't want her to date anyone else she said that makes her feel a bit heavy. She is going away next week for a month so we won't have any contact then. First I was really unsure about things too but now I want things to move forward. Can anyone explain why she could have suddenly changed her mind and what I should do. Thanks
ithinkilikehim Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 honestly i have no clue. maybe she had a change of heart or found someone else and is trying to break it off easily. i hope it all works out for you though. use the next month while she is gone to really think everything through.
Author Difficult Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Thanks ithinkilike him. We spoke more today and I told her that at times I also thought we were not compatiable and i dismissed that becuase I really like her but I agree with her and think that although things were great at times I also felt something was missing, which is true. I know she really like me and I asked her what has made her think this but she says that she knows from past experiences when she thinks somone will be compatiable and she doesn't think we will be suited as partners. She said it isn't a particular incident that made her think this but it's been as we have been spending time together. I know I really like her too and I don't know what this could lead to if anything and I think she feels the same. Do you think it would be wise to continue seeing her is it inevitable that I may be setting myself up for getting hurt?
northstar1 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Thanks ithinkilike him. We spoke more today and I told her that at times I also thought we were not compatiable and i dismissed that becuase I really like her but I agree with her and think that although things were great at times I also felt something was missing, which is true. I know she really like me and I asked her what has made her think this but she says that she knows from past experiences when she thinks somone will be compatiable and she doesn't think we will be suited as partners. She said it isn't a particular incident that made her think this but it's been as we have been spending time together. I know I really like her too and I don't know what this could lead to if anything and I think she feels the same. Do you think it would be wise to continue seeing her is it inevitable that I may be setting myself up for getting hurt? Well, I'm just going off what you've written, but if she's pulled back and told you she doesn't see you as 'partners', then she's basically telling you she's not really into it at this point. I'm not saying that can't change if she spends more time with you, but right now it sounds like both of you are having doubts. My advice is to pull back yourself, and while she's gone, date others and see how that goes. If she comes back and wants to see you again, great, see how it goes. Be casual about it - don't have anymore talks about compatibility. You'll see pretty quickly by her actions if she wants more - and judge then if you want to keep seeing her or not. But don't wait around for that month.
St. Nick Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Difficult, you have to look at what you did to spark that behavior. Did you come on too strong? Have you been trying hard to get her to like you? If it's yes to both questions, maybe that's what scared her away. I think all that gushy talk about you being the one wasn't for real from the get go. Women play games in a relationship to gouge your reaction. The relationship was never serious for her. Pull yourself out and start looking for other people.
Author Difficult Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 I think we both came on as equally as strong. She was supposed to come and see me tomorrow beofre she goes out in the eve to spend time with me during the day but she did said it depends on how tired she is as she is also going out tonight. I have not asked her about this again, do you think I should ask her or just wait to see what she says? I think I really like her now but I also think it is more so now that I know she is having doubts... so the whole things of wanting what you can't have..... I also think that we jumped in to this right away and the early conversation of her being my girlfriend has played on her mind, although she said she knows I have not said anything about it. She also has said she is not sure if this is something she wants right now and doesn't think she will be able to take it much further but at the same times loves being with me. I replied this by saying I also really like being with her and asked whether she wanted to stop seeing each other or see how it goes. She said that she wants to continue seeing each other and see how it goes but also thinks that could be unfair on me and selfish on her part as we want different things.... When I asked her what it was that has made her think like this, she says its nothing in particular but based on her past experiences she knows what and what will not be compatiable. I'm just finding it difficult to understand her sudden change in attitude.
northstar1 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I think we both came on as equally as strong. She was supposed to come and see me tomorrow beofre she goes out in the eve to spend time with me during the day but she did said it depends on how tired she is as she is also going out tonight. I have not asked her about this again, do you think I should ask her or just wait to see what she says? I think I really like her now but I also think it is more so now that I know she is having doubts... so the whole things of wanting what you can't have..... I also think that we jumped in to this right away and the early conversation of her being my girlfriend has played on her mind, although she said she knows I have not said anything about it. She also has said she is not sure if this is something she wants right now and doesn't think she will be able to take it much further but at the same times loves being with me. I replied this by saying I also really like being with her and asked whether she wanted to stop seeing each other or see how it goes. She said that she wants to continue seeing each other and see how it goes but also thinks that could be unfair on me and selfish on her part as we want different things.... When I asked her what it was that has made her think like this, she says its nothing in particular but based on her past experiences she knows what and what will not be compatiable. I'm just finding it difficult to understand her sudden change in attitude. This is a warning sign that her interest level is not great I'm afraid. If she's already giving herself an out on seeing you beforehand, that's usually an indication she's not all that into it. If she was really into it, she'd want to see you regardless if she's tired or not. I'd move on to date others.
Author Difficult Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Hi Northstar1, she does live an hour and a half train ride away.... so the journey does get to her... but you could be right because she did come down 3 days in a row last week and left really early each morning due to work... and of course she was tired then but was really into me so didn't mind doing the journey, as she said it was worth it... The journey has only start to get to her now during the same time where she has been thinking that we are not suited to each other.
northstar1 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Hi Northstar1, she does live an hour and a half train ride away.... so the journey does get to her... but you could be right because she did come down 3 days in a row last week and left really early each morning due to work... and of course she was tired then but was really into me so didn't mind doing the journey, as she said it was worth it... The journey has only start to get to her now during the same time where she has been thinking that we are not suited to each other. Well, trust your instincts. I'm not trying to rain on your parade at all. I just recognize the pattern from someone I dated not too long ago. First few dates/weeks were great, then she began to exhibit hot and cold behaviour. Sometimes she was a bit aloof, other times all over me etc. Finally things just cooled off completely and I got the same kind of message you did. It turns out she didn't know what she wanted, and was playing the game as such. Since we stopped dating, she's still tried being in contact, suggested meeting up, but I refuse to play games. So, what I'm saying is, I'd just back off, let her contact you, and if she makes the suggestion on going out, then by all means. If she truly is interested, she'll pursue, if not, you'll have your answer. Good luck.
Author Difficult Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Thanks Northstar. I have told her that I also feel we may not be compatiable but we are still going to continue seeing each other. I think you are right I need to back off and let her make up her mind herself and let her know that I am not waiting around for her. Also the fact that shegoes away next week means that she could come back and not be interested in me at all makes me think it is good that she has made her feelings clear now rather than me waiting around till she gets back. I would be open to dating others but right now she is really on my mind but I also know this is because I know longer have her there as I did just a few days ago. I just feel that my interest level in her has gone up more now because I know I can't have her in the way it had been going. Maybe the tables will turn when I withdraw my interest from her.
DunnoWhat Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I think we both came on as equally as strong. When people come on strong it can be a turn off for the other person. This is especially true for men coming on strong. So you need to put the brakes on a bit.
ithinkilikehim Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Thanks ithinkilike him. We spoke more today and I told her that at times I also thought we were not compatiable and i dismissed that becuase I really like her but I agree with her and think that although things were great at times I also felt something was missing, which is true. I know she really like me and I asked her what has made her think this but she says that she knows from past experiences when she thinks somone will be compatiable and she doesn't think we will be suited as partners. She said it isn't a particular incident that made her think this but it's been as we have been spending time together. I know I really like her too and I don't know what this could lead to if anything and I think she feels the same. Do you think it would be wise to continue seeing her is it inevitable that I may be setting myself up for getting hurt? welcome I would honestly use the next month to think things through and go on a few dates with other people. See how those turn out. Talk to her about giving it another try when she returns. Just because a past experience turned out the wrong way for her she doesnt know that you guys will turn out the same. You never know, this one can be the different experience. Follow your heart and do what makes you happy in the end
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