giveuporfight Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 When you are a BS and trying to get your head around the fact your H had sexual relations with someone else, and when you do come round and make the decision to want nothing to do with him anymore, because you concluded he is a disgusting, evil pig for putting you in such a dark, dirty place that you thought you would never get out of, is it ok to string him along thinking your still reeling from the news when in actuality you are not but want to make him think you are so when the divorce process gets started (which in my case it is) the divorce will be more amicable and he's more willing to part with his money? I want to get as much as I can from him, make him suffer, and the best way to do that is through his wallet. Does anyone else agree with this way of thinking? We had been together over 10 years, I have always been faithful and devoted, and it has come to light recently that he had been having an affair for almost a year.
greengoddess Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 What made you more angry the affair or all the deceit and lies for so long? I'm going to guess it was lying to you for so long instead of being honest. Do you want to be the same person as him? It will go smoother if you are honest with him and tell him you will never get over this and you'd like to persue divorce. Surprising him with divorce papers will not make it go smoother. It will make him angry.
Author giveuporfight Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 The affair, the lies and deceit are all rolled into one. How did you differentiate this? How would I be the same person as him? Being betrayed and going after his money (hidden stuff) are 2 different things as well. Why would I want to make the divorce smooth for him? He already knows I'm divorcing him. Why not give back a bit of the suffering that he made me endure, why not give him sleepless nights and anxiety? I just don't get your reply....
Owl Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Why should you "give him back" the same? Do you want to act like him? Do you want to be the same kind of person he is? Or do you want to be something better? It's entirely up to you...you can either be the kind of person you want to be, or you can be the kind of person you hate him for being. Are you asking "what's right or wrong"? It would seem to me that you know the answer to that question already. Of course it's wrong to treat someone that way. Are you asking for someone's "permission"? What good would that do? I'm curious what you're hoping to hear or learn from this thread?
bentnotbroken Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Couldn't get my mind around it. The lies and deceit made understand that I never knew this person. No need to play games, just go for it.
Reggie Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I think you just go the standard divorce route. Be upfront. Playing nice is not likely to get you anymore cash. Nor is playing mean. It's all accounting in divorce, a formula, usually set by statute. You get x% of his net for child support and maintenance if the circumstances qualify you. Assets acquired during the marriage are split.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Why not give back a bit of the suffering that he made me endure, why not give him sleepless nights and anxiety? I just don't get your reply.... If you have children together I would advise against this approach. Not that it wouldn't be satisfying... it's just your kids might be the ones who really pay the consequences in the long run.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 It doesn't matter. You are entitled to 1/2 the marital assets that were accumulated while you were married. by law you are entitled to no more, no less. It doesn't matter if you feign anything or not, unless he wants to give you more for some odd reason.
jwi71 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Don't bother give up. Simply file for D now. His infidelity doesn't matter. The courts couldn't care less. The judge over your case has 2000 others and all he/she wants is your case closed and off the docket. The only person suffering is you. The laws vary but you will get half depending on your state, the presence of a prenuptial agreement or other mitigating factors (like verifiable abuse and the police reports or hospital reports for such). You obviously haven't spoken to a lawyer yet. Go now and get your wake-up call. My D will cost about 20k and will take about 6 months due to backlog. We are doing a collaborative D and have already agreed on everything...we are literally waiting in line for the bureaucracy. Go, hire your lawyer and file your petition. The actually process of D isn't bad at all...its the decision to file that's the hard part.
Athena Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 When you are a BS (...) is it ok to string him along thinking your still reeling from the news when in actuality you are not but want to make him think you are so when the divorce process gets started (which in my case it is) the divorce will be more amicable and he's more willing to part with his money? I want to get as much as I can from him, make him suffer, and the best way to do that is through his wallet. Does anyone else agree with this way of thinking? We had been together over 10 years, I have always been faithful and devoted, and it has come to light recently that he had been having an affair for almost a year. I cannot blame you for being so angry with being unfairly and unjustly mistreated that your pain drives you to consider Revenge. In fact, I think its a pretty normal feeling. But that doesn't mean you have to act on it. However, if you are trying to make a Decision on what to do between being upfront and honest with him (when he doesn't deserve that) or to lie and hurt him when he realizes you 'conned' him in deceiving him (which he deserves) I believe the main thing to do is Look at Whats Best for YOU... see if this can help: never mind the Short-term Benefits of your decision... consider the Long-term benefits, and choose whatever will be BETTER for you down the road -- in several years time. Seek help for yourself from family and friends, sometimes just exposing his a$$ will be so helpful for you emotionally, that you won't feel the need to seek revenge.
tami-chan Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 I think you should continue to be "nice" to your husband...and while he is being nice to you, ALLOW him to give you expensive, valuable gifts....make sure the gifts are clearly GIFTS TO YOU...meaning, there must be a card and reference to it...Ex: 'Honey, I hope this 10 carat diamond ring, puts a smile on your face...love always, your wayward spouse". Also makes sure the gifts are NOT paid by your joint credit card account. Very important-you do not want to pay half of the outstanding balance on the acct when the divorce happens:D! sweet "evil-ness"!!!!!
whichwayisup Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 What does your lawyer say to do? Go for the throat or just get what you can, quickly and move on? You have EVERY right to feel betrayed, angry, hurt...But, like him, you have a choice now, either go low and play dirty, make life hell for him, or just cut him out of your life completely forever once your Divorce is final. Sadly, if there are children involved, they will be affected, so you might want to consider not being the bad guy and playing him.
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