How diffrent can one person be from another?

[I'm Joe]

I Went to a Black label Society Concert tonight. I am a big heavy metal fan but I normally find myself a bit seperated from my fellow fans. I am very clean cut and dress fairly Preppy, as opposed to the leather and and long hair most of the rest of them dress themselves in. I went with a friend who brought a female friend of his who I actually got along with very well. At first sight I removed her from ever being a potential partner, She had a tatoo and an eyebrow peircing and dressed very "Metal"... Other than that she was pretty attractive. To add to the issue I am somewhat of a religous person. and I assume she is not.

 

All of this boils down to a question that has arisen in my mind.... How different can two people be and have a sucessfull relationship?

 

Are you radically different from your S.O.?

 

Have you had such a relationship in the past?

 

Please Share your stories.

[prettybaby]

I can only speak for myself here, so from personal experience: the bigger the difference, the crappier the relationship. They say that opposites attract, but I call BS. Because opposites still mainly click with whatever they have in common.

 

The guy I'm with now is very similar to me (personality, morals, education, interests, etc) and it's the best I've ever had.

[fral945]

I’m similar to you in that I’m clean cut, dress nice, no tattoos or anything. I play golf, like jazz, classical, blues, and rock, and could be mistaken for a pretty boy preppy type. But I’m also really into heavy metal music. I don’t really fit in with the standard heavy metal crowd, either (though I do consider myself somewhat of a non-conformist). Sometimes I think I’d be better off with long hair or a shaved head, tattoos, and piercings though.

 

It amazes me how my image (clothes, hairstyle, etc) over the years has created certain assumptions in people. This is really weird, but when I had my head shaved a while back (and I wasn’t as quite clean cut), a number of the women I befriended (and a few I dated) seemed to assume I was a bit rebellious into hard rock/metal music (which was pretty true, though I had shaved my head for health reasons). I remember a girl I knew handing me some heavy metal CD’s one time, saying “I don’t like this, but you look like you’d like this kind of music”.

 

Since I’ve grown my hair out (and now look more conformist), I seem to have attracted more woman that assume (I guess) that I would be into more mainstream music (i.e., pop/RB/top 40). More and more girls asking me if I watched American Idol last night.

 

I dated a girl for a while (this was right after I had grown my hair out and started dressing better), and I remember riding in her car one time. She asked me what I wanted to listen to and to pick a CD. I looked at the CD’s and they were all top 40/pop/rap/R&B (pretty much all music I can't stand). I just laughed to myself, thinking how different we were in musical taste. Van Morrison was about the only music we both liked. That relationship didn’t go anywhere, but the music had little to with that.

 

I personally think you can be different with your hobbies and interests (including music) as long as you have one or two interests in common. I think the most important thing is having lots of similar values (religious views, raising children, managing money, etc) vs. lots of similar interests (music, hobbies, etc) for long term relationships. I have argued with a few women here, though, that seem to think your interests can tell a lot about your values, which I disagree with. I always site myself as an example, because depending on the hobbies and interests you are aware of you could infer many different things about me.

 

But that's another argument for another day.

[I'm Joe]

Fral! Were Kindred Spirits... I golf too, and the looks I get from the old men when I pull up and Slayer is blasting out of my speakers is priceless!

 

The way my fellow heavy metal fans dress is to me more than a statement about the kind of music they listen to, Its like they're commiting themselves to a very unique style just to fit in. I think there is a certain sense of insecurity that underlies it. Or when I see people covered in tatoo's, I just don't Identify at all with the metality that goes along with that... Wouldn't a picture on your wall serve the same purpose?

 

If there is anyone else with a story about being radically different from their S.O. I would still like to hear it. A Muslim and a Jew? Northern Ireland and Ireland? A midget and an Nba player?