jen83 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 So I'm very happily seeing this guy for the past 6 weeks. Let me tell you---this guy is amazing. I've never met someone I've liked this much. He is a gem! We've been talking since around Christmas online. We talked over AIM for an entire month every single day before I ever met him in person. Everything has gone perfectly. We always have a blast together, talk almost daily, he seems excited to see me and wants to see me often, misses me when we don't talk, he's invited me over a few different times to meet all his friends and roommates, he spent his birthday with me, he spent the entire past weekend with me(friday thru sunday), opens the car doors for me, wants to buy everything, even paid my $20 late fee at the video store, got me a cute little card for v-day, surprises me with coffee, text messages me most days and sometimes just to say good night, always tells me what a great time he had with me and how much fun I am. He's been a perfect, complete gentleman. My concern is, we aren't exclusive. We haven't talked about it ever. It's never come up. And we're sleeping together, for the past 2 weeks(after dating for a month). We're being "safe"...but I'm worried I'm setting myself up for heartbreak here. I don't know...I've never had to bring it up. The guy always has in the past. I can't help but feel like it's too early to bring it up--I don't want to scare him off. I've heard horror stories of guys running after bringing up the talk. *But* I'm worried he may be seeing others--and that bothers me. Even though I fully understand that without having this talk, he's completely within his rights to do so. But I know if he is, my feelings would be hurt. It's dumb, I know it's my fault to have gotten in this situation. He does have an active subscription on the dating we *we met on* and I know he logs on there just about daily. Yes, I have an account too, but I honestly lost all interest in others weeks ago. It pesters me that he still has to log on so often. So he probably is seeing other people--at least I should assume so, but I don't know--I have no other reason to think so other than the log-ins on the site. It's eating at me, but I don't want to bring it up for fear its too early...Advice for me?
Ramrod Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 He may just be loggin on to see what it is that your doing there, ever think of that? Concealed jealousy and emotions leads to resentment and apathy, if you want the love you know to continue to grow, you should tell him how you feel, maybe he feels the same way, maybe the revelation of knowing how you feel will prompt him to desire "exclusivity", but you'll never know unless you talk about it with him. The course your presently tracking on is self-destructive and self-sabatoging, change your direction of travel.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 He might not be sleeping with anyone else. Of course, you don't know this, since you never talked about it. If it were me, I'd completely stop the sex. If he asks why, I'd be honest and tell him I realized I wasn't comfortable having sex when exclusivity had not been established (this would be true for me). And leave it at that. If he wants exclusivity, he'll take the topic further. If he doesn't, he won't, and you can stop making someone a priority who might be making you an option.
ruggy Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Here's a crazy idea. Talk to him about it over some coffee or a drink. Be mellow and cool about it.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Why do alot of females do this? Have sex without establishing the exclusivity, and then they're hurt when the guy they're ****ing is ****ing other chicks?
Lizzie60 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I agree with the above.. He is probably checking other females.. sorry but that's reality. If I were you I would go on dates with other guys as well.. or if you want to really get to the bottom of this.. ask him.. simple... I'm sure he won't bite you.. From what I read.. you probably come across as being 'insecure' .. could be a turn-off for him.. that's why he's still looking.. Confidence would probably assures you his exclusivity.. strange I know.. but that's the way it goes..
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