flyingtim01 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Looking for a little advice and maybe some insight. Just to give you a little background, I'm sort of learning on the job. I'm 28, but the only real relationship I've been in was with my ex-wife. It was an odd long distance relationship that worked much better online than it did in real life, and we ended up divorcing after 3 years of being married. So to put it mildly, I'm a little inexperienced when it comes to dating. That being said... I've been dating this girl for about 3 weeks. Things have been going great, really great. At about 2 weeks we started referring to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. She's spent the night at my place a few times, I've met her mother and her friends, she's hung out with some of my friends. When we're together we get along great...conversations seem effortless, we have the same sorta sense of humor, pretty close tastes in music, etc. A few days ago she called and told me that she had had a discussion with her mother (she's 22 and moved back home after graduating) and that her mother wasn't particularly about the sleepovers. She wanted to know what I thought about holding off on that until later, and I said that I was fine with that. I certainly don't want to be on her mother's bad side, and I didn't want to make life at home difficult for her. She said she was relieved, and I hung out with her the next night at her place, and again, everything seemed fine. She called me again yesterday and said that she was feeling overwhelmed, that everything was moving too fast for her and she wasn't comfortable with us being boyfriend and girlfriend at the moment. She said that she would prefer to go back to just dating, and to give ourselves time for real feelings to develop. I agreed, and said that I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, and that we could dial things back a bit. I wasn't trying to rush anything, and if taking things slower would work better in the long run, I was all for it. Thats what happened, and if thats all true, then I'm fine with it. I'm a big boy, and I can be patient. I was honest with her, I really don't want her to do anything she's uncomfortable with, thats a lousy way to start a relationship and it doesn't bode well for the future. So if she feels like she needs more time, then thats absolutely okay with me. All day today though, I couldn't shake the feeling that she's working up to ending things with me. I'm not sure why. After we spoke the first time about it, she told me that she liked me and wanted to see me again, that she was sure about it. And the second time we spoke, she told me that she liked spending time with me and wanted to continue to do so. As a matter of fact, as I was writing this she called to set up a date for tomorrow night. I don't have a reason to think she's trying to let me down easy or something, she's always been honest and open with me before. I guess I'm just trying to prepare myself for the worst, but it seems like I'm missing something. I just don't understand how things could be going so well, and then have her put the brakes on like this. So, I have two questions. Given the facts, does everyone think I'm just being paranoid about thinking that things are about to tank, or does anyone feel like theres something odd about the whole thing? Also, I'm going to be clueless about how to act tomorrow night, so any advice? I guess I'm just going to play it safe and treat it like its any other date. Since she told me that she wants to slow down, I haven't texted her or called her, as we sort of were in the routine of doing regularly. I figure that if she wants space, I need to give that to her and resist the urge to reach out and 'just say hi.' So I guess I need to resist the other urges as well and probably not go right in for a kiss or anything. I dunno. What do the masses have to say?
socialight Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 i have three pieces of advice. 1 -- write shorter posts, you will get more responses. 2 -- if you are dating a 22 year old girl, realize that she is still a "girl" and most likely is prone to wildly inconsistent, bizarre behaviour. 3 -- 3 weeks into knowing a girl is too early to meet or care about what her parents think.
bean1 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 You are 28 and divorced. I would wager that a 22yr old who listens to her mommy's concerns about sleepovers is not in your mental age range. I understand you have a lack of experience however this is still below you in maturity. Now, if you found a 22yr old who was perhaps a bit more experienced or independent, then sure, why not? Just not this one. I recommend you take things slow and get to know someone before becoming so close with them (I am not referring to sex but rather the intimacy of a relationship, such as meeting family, telling them your deepest thoughts, etc). If your marriage turned to crap because it was much different in real life than online, that sort of suggests that perhaps you skipped this "intimacy" stage. I'm sure we all do it but it leads us to getting hurt so we need to be careful!
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Yeah, weird. Something does seem "off." I'm going to say that mommy has too much influence over her daughter. She probably said something that made her daughter feel bad, or second-guess the relationship. I'm not sure I'd be able to continue a relationship under that kind of circumstance. Maybe if I were that same age, but not at 28 - I've moved past my mom telling me what I should do.
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