stampdaddy Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 hey all... It's been a while since I have updated my trials and tribulations here. Let's see.. After having my house now for a little over 2 years, I FINALLY am finishing the work that I started from day one... (this was supposed to be "our house", but ya know...) I have chosen the paint colors, knocked out a half wall and built a bar. Picked out the granite top all by my little 'ol self. Picked out the lighting, had it installed. The painter is finishing up the kitchen with the coolest Sandstone paint. I actually had about 5 rooms "started" from 2 years ago but havent been able to finish them with this smothering sitiuation that I have been in. But the other day, while trying to pick out some drapes, or shades or whatever the hell they are called, I was hit with the biggest panic attack I have had.. I felt so guilty about what I was doing. In fact, I felt about 100 different emotions, none good. I felt spite, regret, anger, remorse, lonliness, go f**k yourselfidness etc... I know that is what I am NOT supposed to feel, and I grabbed back ahold of it, now I am proud of myself and ashamed that I havent been able to get past barely functioning. And WHY?? Because of a stupid AFFAIR. I never would have thought that our relationship would end, and I nevr made the "choice" to say goodbye, and I was never actually told "goodbye". But yesterday, I made that choice. I will, from here on out, not have one ounce of regret for LIVING my life, however I see fit. If I want to paint my walls pink with brown dots all of it, so be it. If I just happen to meet someone else one day, I will not feel bad about it. I gave my ALL, and I never gave up. But Zed is dead, baby. Zed is dead. cheers Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 And that's what's happening in our world today, good night. Good job. Keep humpin toward healing. You will be at the top of the hill before you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Stampdaddy, PLEASE don't paint your walls pink with brown dots!!! Glad you are moving forward! Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 And that's what's happening in our world today, good night. Good job. Keep humpin toward healing. You will be at the top of the hill before you know it. Hump selectively, though. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 The arch becomes your nest. Be selective in whom you entrust entry to. It was a lesson I learned many, many years ago, then forgot Hang in there. Nest-building is the good work. Thanks for the update Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 Hump selectively, though. Oh, I feel sorry for the first "humptee". They may come walking in, but they'll be limpin' out... Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Oh, I feel sorry for the first "humptee". They may come walking in, but they'll be limpin' out... EEEEEWWWW, you guys:p, I just meant work hard, not be hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 EEEEEWWWW, you guys:p, I just meant work hard, not be hard. Oh, ok, now I see.... sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted March 11, 2009 Share Posted March 11, 2009 Oh, I feel sorry for the first "humptee". They may come walking in, but they'll be limpin' out... Well, she would be the Humpee, by the Dumpee(or Humpty Dumpty for short).:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 11, 2009 Author Share Posted March 11, 2009 In all seriousness though, this has been the most ridiculous roller coaster ride ever. I have read SO many other threads, some similar, some not, and really, at the end of the day for any of these messed up situations, it is hard to find the good. At this point, even if she showed up free, the wake left behind all of the poor decisions, indecision, etc only leaves scraps for me, and hurdles all of the way through, all the way to Heaven's Gate. I guess there could have been ways that things could have been handled differently to make this easier, but they werent, still arent, and her road has barely begun.. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Your life is what you make it... Only you can control you, why are you still dwelling on her? You should be dating single women. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Your life is what you make it... Only you can control you, why are you still dwelling on her? You should be dating single women. Don't you mean humpin single women? Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Don't you mean humpin single women? LOL that too!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Yippity do good for you Stamp! Glad to see your moving forward here. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
theycallmeprincess Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz me me me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz me me me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz me me me zzzzzzzzzzzz:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 12, 2009 Author Share Posted March 12, 2009 zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz me me me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz me me me zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz me me me zzzzzzzzzzzz:bunny: Hey, that's my line....! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 And frankly...it's exactly what you SHOULD be saying in this circumstance!!!! :) Glad to hear where you're at, SD. I say go for the pink with poo spots...if you like it, do it. Just don't take anyone else in there if you're ever wanting them to come back! A "me me me" attitude is healthy when it doesn't impinge on anyone else's life. Its when that "me me me" is at the expense of others that it's a bad thing. Rock on, SD. I've always liked the way you come across since you've started here...but I sure like this recent version of SD much more than the one who showed up here originally! Link to post Share on other sites
Confused4Now Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 And frankly...it's exactly what you SHOULD be saying in this circumstance!!!! :) Glad to hear where you're at, SD. I say go for the pink with poo spots...if you like it, do it. Just don't take anyone else in there if you're ever wanting them to come back! A "me me me" attitude is healthy when it doesn't impinge on anyone else's life. Its when that "me me me" is at the expense of others that it's a bad thing. Rock on, SD. I've always liked the way you come across since you've started here...but I sure like this recent version of SD much more than the one who showed up here originally! I'm totally with you on that one Owl...SD and I share the same situations and almost the results at the same time.....I'm doing everything to heal and move on. My divorce is almost final and the MW is out of my life. So I know I'm heading in the right direction as SD. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 Keep your focus and keep living your life for YOU! Link to post Share on other sites
65tr6 Posted March 12, 2009 Share Posted March 12, 2009 o get past barely functioning. And WHY?? Because of a stupid AFFAIR. I never would have thought that our relationship would end, and I nevr made the "choice" to say goodbye, and I was never actually told " cheers SD, I a m a newbie here....well relatively speaking....So you had an affair with a MW ? (sorry didnt do the research on your threads) So wondering as BS whose wife had an affair....did you actually fall in love with MW/OW ? And you thought she was the one ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stampdaddy Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 SD, I a m a newbie here....well relatively speaking....So you had an affair with a MW ? (sorry didnt do the research on your threads) So wondering as BS whose wife had an affair....did you actually fall in love with MW/OW ? And you thought she was the one ? sincerely, do you and I need to talk via PM's? would that help? the answer is YES, I did fall so in love with her, and her with me... I can help you and be gentle and kind at the same time, undetstanding that NO two situations are the same.. just let me know Link to post Share on other sites
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