ragnar411 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Let me preface this with a little background. I have had trouble getting and keeping jobs for the last year and a half. My wife has been seeing this guy off and on for since before we got married we have 1 child shes 3 next month. We have been married for 4 1/2 years now. Our realationship has never been smooth, we have been together for 7 years now. We are both terribly stubborn people and have both lied to the other frequently mostly in the last 2 years though. Ok so with all that in the open. My wife, whom I love and adore, 2 summers ago got back into a relationship with a man who I detest. Anyway she says it is my fault that she is cheating on me. I feel somewhat responsible. It has all come to a head when resently i lost my job and couldn't find another one. She told me i had to have a job in three weeks or she would leave me. While I have been frantically searching for a job since losing it 2 months previosly. I manufactured a job so she wouldn't up and leave. It was wrong to this I felt I had no options. I told her earlier this week what i did. She didn't leave me but she revealled her own little secret she's pregnant. It isn't mine I know since we haven't been intimate for about a month and a half and she had her period after the last time we were. So we have issues. She withholds sex from me because she says she can't trust me. I understand this. The guy she's been having an affair with tells her that she is the only one for him. However he has boasted to me on numerous occasions how many women he "spends time with". He even gave her an std before we got married and she blaimed me for years. I have never wandered 2 summers ago when this started she wanted to get seperated. So we did for a time. I made up a story about dating a couple of different girls and the girls helped me out as did my friend so that she would get jealous and come back she did eventually come back but has maintained her relationship with him ever since in secret i have always suspected though it was obvious when on Valentines day we got started having relations and she suggested we have a threesome with "NATE" i said are you sure it hurt my feelings but i agreed because at least i would be involved. We went over to "NATE'S" and she then i guess decided that she didn't want one after all and just sat and cuddled with "NATE". We ended up leaving. I asked her to break off her relaitionship with nate. She said she would so the next morning she spent 4 hours over there and said it was all over between them. But she was pissed at me for the entire day. The next day after looking over her phone which is something we do on occasion look at each others phone. I noticed she was still calling him just as frequently. over the next to weeks i begged her many times to break it off with him. She tells hime that she love him. She tells me that she loves me. We can't keep doing this i need advice not you shouldn't haves or she shouldn't have's. Just through me advice on how to proceed i love her and the thought of loosing her fills me with despair.
stanggirl Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Your wife is f** up. I would leave. You deserve better than her. She keeps cheating because you let her.
2sure Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Many things may be your fault, but her cheating is not one of them. She may indeed want a divorce instead of working through the other problems in the marriage. Either way, until you put your foot down, which involves stepping away from the marriage until she either commits to it or divorce...her behavior will not change.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 You allow people to treat you the way you do when you allow it!!! Serve her with divorce and get a lawyer she'll start coming outta that fog soon enough and also just tell her she cant be married and continue to F someone else, that's just not right and if she cant make up her mind you will do it for her! Why is men so afraid of standing up for themselves. If I found out about the affair I wouldnt have been crying I would have been seriously pissed at at the lawyers the very Next F-ing day, the day after that I would have started seperating finances and closing out accounts! the next day buying packages taking all the pictures down and wrapping everything up, the next day exposing the affair and letting the fallout happen! Then going to a realtor and finding out how much the property is worth. Your being played and it's time you took the reins of this and started working this situation to your advantage! Give me more background on your history! Oh and she's blaiming you because that's what they do when their caught!!! It's guilt and blameshifting, trust me no one forced another man's jimmy inside of her that was her own choice!
SRV Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Certain situations of infidelity are salvageable, IMHO, I do not see any light at the end of this tunnel. She is pregnant with the OM and you are still asking what needs to be done? Look at the foundation of your marriage from your posting, it seems like one built on quick sand, I think you two will be better off apart and concentrate on creating a condusive environment apart to raise your child.
lkjh Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 If you allow her to treat you this way why would she stop?
reservoirdog1 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Boy, doesn't she sound like a treat. Let's see... she's been screwing this guy behind your back for years, picked up an STD from him (and presumably gave it to you?), got herself knocked up by him, blames you for pretty much everything, withholds sex because you're unemployed, etc. etc. What exactly are YOU getting from staying with this toxic sleazeball of a woman? Other than crippled self-esteem and maybe, in the future, a galloping case of syphilis? Divorce her ass, man. Like, yesterday. Last thing you want is to be stuck with her raising a child that isn't even yours. There are plenty of better women out there. Life's too short to spend it with trash like her.
Author ragnar411 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 mostly i have stayed in this relationship up to this point because of my low self esteem. and for our daughter. BUt Y'all are right thank you for the advice hopefully I'll be able to carry through with it.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 ragnar You have to be kidding me?? You lose your job and she is giving you an ultimatum to find one? Uh, does the ditz realize there is a recession going on and good jobs are hard to come by right now? I'd divorce this beotch, file for bankruptcy, and sooner or later you'll get back on your feet and won't have this skank to worry about any longer.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Well.. she can't blame the butcher.. can she? Honestly.. I think you deserve each other.. you lied (probably cheat), she lied (cheat)... it's always been a rollercoaster relationship... Just move on.. you will BOTH be better off without the other. Leave it to you to take a beaten down man and turn it around on him. He lied about having a job because she was treating him like dog*****. Big deal. Yes he should move on, because this woman is a total b!tch.
carhill Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Next time she heads out, change the locks and re-code the garage door. I'm sure Nate will take her in
Dexter Morgan Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Your wife is f** up. I would leave. You deserve better than her. She keeps cheating because you let her. This coming from someone who is thinking about cheating herself.
Reggie Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Your wife is an abusive, STD incubator. Divorce her. She is a monster.
wicar Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Let me preface this with a little background. I have had trouble getting and keeping jobs for the last year and a half. My wife has been seeing this guy off and on for since before we got married we have 1 child shes 3 next month. We have been married for 4 1/2 years now. Our realationship has never been smooth, we have been together for 7 years now. We are both terribly stubborn people and have both lied to the other frequently mostly in the last 2 years though. Ok so with all that in the open. My wife, whom I love and adore, 2 summers ago got back into a relationship with a man who I detest. Anyway she says it is my fault that she is cheating on me. I feel somewhat responsible. It has all come to a head when resently i lost my job and couldn't find another one. She told me i had to have a job in three weeks or she would leave me. While I have been frantically searching for a job since losing it 2 months previosly. I manufactured a job so she wouldn't up and leave. It was wrong to this I felt I had no options. I told her earlier this week what i did. She didn't leave me but she revealled her own little secret she's pregnant. It isn't mine I know since we haven't been intimate for about a month and a half and she had her period after the last time we were. So we have issues. She withholds sex from me because she says she can't trust me. I understand this. The guy she's been having an affair with tells her that she is the only one for him. However he has boasted to me on numerous occasions how many women he "spends time with". He even gave her an std before we got married and she blaimed me for years. I have never wandered 2 summers ago when this started she wanted to get seperated. So we did for a time. I made up a story about dating a couple of different girls and the girls helped me out as did my friend so that she would get jealous and come back she did eventually come back but has maintained her relationship with him ever since in secret i have always suspected though it was obvious when on Valentines day we got started having relations and she suggested we have a threesome with "NATE" i said are you sure it hurt my feelings but i agreed because at least i would be involved. We went over to "NATE'S" and she then i guess decided that she didn't want one after all and just sat and cuddled with "NATE". We ended up leaving. I asked her to break off her relaitionship with nate. She said she would so the next morning she spent 4 hours over there and said it was all over between them. But she was pissed at me for the entire day. The next day after looking over her phone which is something we do on occasion look at each others phone. I noticed she was still calling him just as frequently. over the next to weeks i begged her many times to break it off with him. She tells hime that she love him. She tells me that she loves me. We can't keep doing this i need advice not you shouldn't haves or she shouldn't have's. Just through me advice on how to proceed i love her and the thought of loosing her fills me with despair. You know friend I am really worry about your child.... your wife is a cheat, you don't have the b*** to kick her out even when you know she is carrying another man's child in her womb..... don't become a textbook cuckold man. Atleast for the sake of your child, you don't want your child to take your wife as an example do you. If all the wives in the world whose husband lost the job starts to cheat then half of the women in the world would have to cheat their husbands, especially in the time of recession.... It is not an excuse.... I think you must kick her out. she seems to be a f****** b****
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 mostly i have stayed in this relationship up to this point because of my low self esteem. and for our daughter. BUt Y'all are right thank you for the advice hopefully I'll be able to carry through with it. You need to scrape together enough self esteem to leave her. Otherwise you will be condemned to this loveless hell. I wouldn't raise a daughter in situation like that, I hope you would not either.
jnj express Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 YOU SAT THERE AND WATCHED HER CUDDLE WITH THE OTHER GUY, YOU LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS, YOU LET HER RAG ON YOU, HAVE YOU ENJOYED SLOPPY SECONDS ALL THESE YEARS. it is time to grow up. do not let your daughter be a reason for staying in the mge. All married couples have problems, but they do not necessarily cheat on each other. You say you are both hard headed, well you need to put your foot down and set the boundaries, and do not WAIVER. Your wife will find that this guy she is with is NOT GOING TO TAKE CARE OF HER AND HER CHILD, he is not going to pay her monthly bills, he is not going to deal with the REAL LIFE PROBLEMS of a mge. Tell your Wife IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, either return to the mge., go completely NO CONTACT AND TRANSPARENT, or tell her to get out and not to let the door hit her backside on the way out, and I would put an exclamation point on that by throwing all her clothes on the front lawn. You do not have to live like you are. You either stand up for yourself, and demand she take the part of a properly married woman, or she get's out of the mge. NO OTHER CHOICES. DRAW YOUR LINE IN THE SAND.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 YOU SAT THERE AND WATCHED HER CUDDLE WITH THE OTHER GUY, YOU LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS, YOU LET HER RAG ON YOU, HAVE YOU ENJOYED SLOPPY SECONDS ALL THESE YEARS. it is time to grow up. do not let your daughter be a reason for staying in the mge. All married couples have problems, but they do not necessarily cheat on each other. You say you are both hard headed, well you need to put your foot down and set the boundaries, and do not WAIVER. Your wife will find that this guy she is with is NOT GOING TO TAKE CARE OF HER AND HER CHILD, he is not going to pay her monthly bills, he is not going to deal with the REAL LIFE PROBLEMS of a mge. Tell your Wife IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, either return to the mge., go completely NO CONTACT AND TRANSPARENT, or tell her to get out and not to let the door hit her backside on the way out, and I would put an exclamation point on that by throwing all her clothes on the front lawn. You do not have to live like you are. You either stand up for yourself, and demand she take the part of a properly married woman, or she get's out of the mge. NO OTHER CHOICES. DRAW YOUR LINE IN THE SAND. Forget the line in the sand he should not be taking care of a bastard child that is not HIS!!! What man in his right mind would take a woman back like this! trust the OM will always be around in the case of child support and financial obligation to his child and the wife will always be pining for the OM in one way or another. Divorce is the best alternative this guy has let the OM take care of her. She's easy to pipe down , so let her be easy to wife down!
mark982 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 besides dumping her skanky azz,i'd be getting the 3 month old checked to make sure it's mine.
bentnotbroken Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Forget the line in the sand he should not be taking care of a bastard child that is not HIS!!! What man in his right mind would take a woman back like this! trust the OM will always be around in the case of child support and financial obligation to his child and the wife will always be pining for the OM in one way or another. Divorce is the best alternative this guy has let the OM take care of her. She's easy to pipe down , so let her be easy to wife down! Okay Chrome, you know I love ya, but ease up on the bastard child. If it isn't his, he shouldn't pay a dime, but remember the child unfortunately can't pick it's parents or how it came to be. Plus bastard is a term best left to those who have earned it. Said with utmost respect:).
seibert253 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 You begged her to stop cheating on you? Are you mad, or just stupid? She's treating you like sh$t and you're begging her? Come on man. If you were here I'd slap you upside the head. All kidding aside, dude you need to stand up for yourself and kick her out. If she doesn't want to pack, pack for her. Change the locks were she's gone and tell her to find her own place and pay her own way. Then serve her with divorce papers. I'm usually for trying to saving marriages, but after reading what she's put you through, it's time to cut bait and move on.
In Like Flynn Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Said yes to a 3some with the OM!!! Are you kidding me!!!! Get a DNA test done now!!! She is pregnant with his child, she is still cheating on you...basically has no respect for you. There is a 50-50 chance your daughter is yours!! Get out of this situation now!!!
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Okay Chrome, you know I love ya, but ease up on the bastard child. If it isn't his, he shouldn't pay a dime, but remember the child unfortunately can't pick it's parents or how it came to be. Plus bastard is a term best left to those who have earned it. Said with utmost respect:). it's in the dictionary. lol. but on the real's it is what it is. The baby wasnt born in the marriage, it was born on the outside. I'm sorry if it was a bit harsh. but that's just the way i feel about it,alot of women have babies with OM and name their husband's the father because the OM is a scumbag who ran off like a coward. The court;s aint gonna care because in some states the husband will be forced to take care of the child because their still married!!! that's why i am pissed!
bentnotbroken Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 it's in the dictionary. lol. but on the real it is what it is. The baby was born in the marriage, it was born on the outside. I'm sorry if it was a bit harsh. but that's just the way i feel about it,a lot of women have babies with OM and name their husband's the father because the OM is a scumbag who ran off like a coward. The court;s aint gonna care because in some states the husband will be forced to take care of the child because their still married!!! that's why i am pissed! You are so right about some states not caring. I agree that there are a lot of trifling lying women who pass their babies off as the H's and yes, bastard is in the dictionary. Here is my big but( not my big butt:o)the big but, it is a derogatory term when used to describe children born outside of marriage(like that illegitimate thing). It is a stigmatizing term. One that should be reserved those who truly have earned it. It is a traditionally obsolete term where kids are concerned. And any right thinking person should be pissed by the courts forcing men to take care of children that aren't theirs. Even when they find it out and can prove it, they aren't reimbursed for their support payments and the mother's aren't charged with lying to the courts. It is a sickening problem that the child has no say in either. They can only believe the lies that the mom tells them too.
Reggie Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 YOU SAT THERE AND WATCHED HER CUDDLE WITH THE OTHER GUY, YOU LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS, YOU LET HER RAG ON YOU, HAVE YOU ENJOYED SLOPPY SECONDS ALL THESE YEARS. it is time to grow up. do not let your daughter be a reason for staying in the mge. All married couples have problems, but they do not necessarily cheat on each other. You say you are both hard headed, well you need to put your foot down and set the boundaries, and do not WAIVER. Your wife will find that this guy she is with is NOT GOING TO TAKE CARE OF HER AND HER CHILD, he is not going to pay her monthly bills, he is not going to deal with the REAL LIFE PROBLEMS of a mge. Tell your Wife IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, either return to the mge., go completely NO CONTACT AND TRANSPARENT, or tell her to get out and not to let the door hit her backside on the way out, and I would put an exclamation point on that by throwing all her clothes on the front lawn. You do not have to live like you are. You either stand up for yourself, and demand she take the part of a properly married woman, or she get's out of the mge. NO OTHER CHOICES. DRAW YOUR LINE IN THE SAND. While I appreciate this advice in dealing with a semi-normal WS, this woman is too damaged, IMO. Run.
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