wowIlose Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I had the most intense dream last night with the ex. I don't remember all the details but I remember that I was with her in an apartment building. At one point I remember looking for her in the hallways going into someones place looking for her. At one point I remember finding her and something happened where she told me to stop. She told me I was being creepy and I was basically being rejected and told to leave. The pain in my dream felt very real. I felt really hurt. I remember grabbing her physically on the shoulders and holding her and telling her something along the lines of "Do you understand I will leave and never speak to you again?". I think I repeated this a few times with pain in my voice. I remember holding onto her just a little longer. She said something a long the lines of wanting to say goodbye. At which point I left. I remember being very hurt and very overwhelmed. I took out my phone and started deleting her from it. I then proceeded to delete all her text messages(in my dream). The pain in my dream was so real that when I woke up I thought this actually happened for a minute. I have no clue what this all means but recently I let me EX back into my life after 6 months of good solid NC. She invited me as a friend on facebook after seeing me in some photos. After some time I accepted the invite (probably very foolish). We ended up talking and going out for some breakfast shortly after. I found out shes single but still keeping this guy in her life. She invited me out to her sisters birthday which is in 9 days. I told her life is good and I am dating around. I guess deep down inside my intentions are STILL(whyyyy) to try to reconcile... after 1.5 years of being broken up(she dumped me). What am I thinking? I know deep down inside I am making a mistake even hanging out with her again but I still miss her a lot and I miss the times we shared and I've struggled to find a new girl despite a lot of effort put in to meet someone new. Although I would never let her know how much I still struggle with the pain of her leaving me. I can't help but think maybe my dream was a warning of sorts. Obviously my mind is very conflicted right now. Logically I know that I need to leave this alone and keep moving on but at the same time a part of me wants to see if there is still something there...
Surfer Dude Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I think this clearly shows to what extent our breakups influence our lives and our subconsciousness. These traumas poison the very essence of our souls, your post is a clear indication of that. I also sometimes (rarely) dream about my ex, usually in the context of having a vacation together. The following day I feel crappy because I feel like her presence has touched my life again. But they are just dreams and they become less frequent as time passes. My ex also sent me a friend invite. I struggled for a while but then rejected it. I am glad I did so, being friends with her would be extremely detrimental to my life and there's a very high chance I'd end up at square one again. She cheated on me, dumped me, walked all over me, married some chode... and now she wants to be my friend? Hahaha, ridiculous. I'd have to be a total f*cking idiot to let her in my life again. Your mind is truly warning you about something. You're experiencing cognitive dissonance and that's causing anxiety and stress to you. Your heart wants to reconcile and get her back, but your mind knows this is impossible and it wants to protect you from further disappointments. Absolutely the BEST thing you could do right now is implement strict NC and not look back. You are confused and you need time to clear your head. Don't be so hung up on finding a new girlfriend. These things have a way of working themselves out. Just go out to a club or a bar, talk to a few chicks, perhaps bang a few and have some casual fun... anything that keeps your mind off your ex.
Scorpio13c Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I think this clearly shows to what extent our breakups influence our lives and our subconsciousness. These traumas poison the very essence of our souls, your post is a clear indication of that. I also sometimes (rarely) dream about my ex, usually in the context of having a vacation together. The following day I feel crappy because I feel like her presence has touched my life again. But they are just dreams and they become less frequent as time passes. My ex also sent me a friend invite. I struggled for a while but then rejected it. I am glad I did so, being friends with her would be extremely detrimental to my life and there's a very high chance I'd end up at square one again. She cheated on me, dumped me, walked all over me, married some chode... and now she wants to be my friend? Hahaha, ridiculous. I'd have to be a total f*cking idiot to let her in my life again. Your mind is truly warning you about something. You're experiencing cognitive dissonance and that's causing anxiety and stress to you. Your heart wants to reconcile and get her back, but your mind knows this is impossible and it wants to protect you from further disappointments. Absolutely the BEST thing you could do right now is implement strict NC and not look back. You are confused and you need time to clear your head. Don't be so hung up on finding a new girlfriend. These things have a way of working themselves out. Just go out to a club or a bar, talk to a few chicks, perhaps bang a few and have some casual fun... anything that keeps your mind off your ex. Surfer, That was beautiful! Wow, I hear you, i've had similar dreams, they can really mess you up the next day! Scorp
sedgwick Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I've dreamed about my ex every single time I fall asleep for the past 20 months now.
Author wowIlose Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 sedgwick, thats rough. I wasn't really messed up to be honest. I mean I was more messed up in my dream... I am really trying to find the strength to go back into NC right now and not show up for her sisters bday party but I won't lie, its very difficult. I have mixed emotions about everything. The odds of anything positive coming out of this whole situation are slim. The only good thing about this whole thing is that there will be a lot of people there who I don't know and that are not friends with my EX (friends of exs sister). There will be about 20 people there I will meet for the first time - Its a good opportunity to expand my social circle. That being said, I don't want to use that as an excuse but who knows... maybe I can go there, totally ignore her for the most and try to get to know everyone else there. Maybe make some friends, maybe meet someone new? .. I dunno.
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