Nebo74 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Here is my story my STBX wife and I have been separated about 6 months.. Before that we lived in separated bedrooms.. So it’s been over a year.. We have that “spark” between us.. but we have problems with each others child from previous marriages as well as a bunch of other things that just seem to make it too hard to over come. We are 95% sure we are getting a dissolution, but we are still hanging out from time to time. There is a lot of sadness and regret, but from failures spurt growth right? Anyway.. I dated a few girls in the last six months.. Mainly because I enjoy the company of women and well, while my STBX and I are amazing in bed and we really communicate well when it’s just her and I… but as a blended family it isn’t happening.. She also dated someone a couple of times.. Both of us complained to each other that when we did go out on our dates that the other person “just wasn’t us” .. the spark.. The connection.. The attraction wasn’t there.. Now I’ve been out with about 6 different girls so far.. and on my call, none of them made it to a second date.. They just didn’t add up.. No spark.. Nothing.. Heck, I didn’t even kiss them.. Not because they didn’t give the signs, but because I just wasn’t feeling it and didn’t want to lead them on. So my question is, have you ever “sparked” with more then one person? Is it possible that I might never have the same intense attraction with someone else as I did with my ex? Is the spark once in a life time?
manugeorge Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 You can get the "spark" with more than one person, definitely but it is also rare enough that it won't be something you will find everyday or with every girl you date. Another thing that could be holding you back is your ties to your ex, you are not over her, you haven't moved on and you are looking to recreate what you had with her with someone else. Until you can let go completely, your search for a "spark" will be futile. No two people are the same, no two relationships or chemistry is going to be the same.
rlindzie Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 well i have heard two ideas. one that you have 3 great loves of your life, but the other one which i think applies more to me and sounds lke you too, is that you have one soul mate. the person who just makes your heart flutter and no matter how long you have been with them it is amazing energy between the two of you. Like fierworks for a lifetime! i think we all have one but that we dont ness. stay with them. i think you can enjoy the company of other people sure, and have ok sex if you want but for that mind blowing, earth shaking have to have them kin of feeling i think there is one. maybe you two should go to a marrige couslor, and work things out. if you found that spark dont let it go. hold onto it as long as you can. bc finding another one is not a for sure thing. i wish you the best of luck!
alphamale Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 So my question is, have you ever “sparked” with more then one person? i "spark" with women all the time...the hard part is whether they spark back or not. Is it possible that I might never have the same intense attraction with someone else as I did with my ex? no Is the spark once in a life time? no
reservoirdog1 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 It's definitely not a once-in-a-lifetime thing. It's happened to me a few times. But it's also not something that happens every day. Far from it. Things were like that between XW and me in the beginning. We were together for 11 years. Met a woman five years ago, about three months out of my marriage, and there was that mutual spark. Sitting in a bar, sharing a beer, conversation was easy and almost effortless. She touched me on the arm and there was a jolt of electricity we both commented on, and that escalated from there. Things with her didn't last long but it was fun while it did. She was the gold standard, the level of mutual spark I searched for continuously after that. I dated a bunch of women in the five years or so since her, and there's been that spark to various degrees, but only with a handful of them. Pretty damned good one with my last GF when we met in '06; we broke up in July last year. About a month ago, I met a woman at a party that I sparked with, at the same level as the woman from five years ago. Pretty bloody cool. We've been seeing each other since and it's going really well.
hopesndreams Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Yes, of course you can get the "spark" with another person but you are still with ur stbx wife, still enjoying life with her, still in the same house as her and did I read ur still having sex with her? while my STBX and I are amazing in bed and we really communicate well when it’s just her and I… but as a blended family it isn’t happening.. The attachment you have for her is still there and strong. Once the attachment is broken, the ties severed it would open up the opportunities to create a "spark" with someone else. Is the spark once in a life time? absolutely not!
sumdude Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 No not once in a lifetime, but rare. Since my divorce 2 years ago I have yet to really feel it with anyone I've been with. Noticed it with just one other woman and she's engaged to a friend who I'm sure she has a spark with too and no way do I play that game. Boy I sure had it with my ex and she did too until near the end... I keep hoping one day I'll feel it again though it may be a while.
LovieDove24 Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Yep I agree with the other posters. It definitely is NOT a once in a life time thing but it also does not happen OFTEN. Think about it this way even: How many friends have you had in your lifetime? How many acquaintances? Now think about how many of them have stuck around in all the good times and the bad and became like brothers or sisters to you? Yep, its like that. I can honestly say I've had two good friends who've stuck by me through thick and thin out of hundreds and hundreds them over the years. Some people have ten. It just varies from person to person.
socialight Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 Q So my question is, have you ever “sparked” with more then one person? A Yes Q Is it possible that I might never have the same intense attraction with someone else as I did with my ex? A Yes, especially if you don't try. Q Is the spark once in a life time? A It doesn't have to be.
sumdude Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 Sometimes the spark is delayed. It may not happen at first but suddenly after a while you just can't get enough.
D-Lish Posted March 21, 2009 Posted March 21, 2009 I've met quite a few guys that lit my sparkler. When I think back- probably 4 or 5 really special guys that just had that something about them. Of course there is more than one person out there that can light your fire. How many people live in this world? What are the odds of having chemistry, a sexual equal again??? Really, really good. The problem isn't finding a new sparkler- it's that you're not over your current sparkler, and she isn't over you. That's the issue. If you're worried about making a clean break because you are worried this connection can't happen again- stop worrying, it will and it can. If there is something left you want to salvage- focus on that. I'm deducting that you aren't over one another. Coupled with the fact that you live in the same house- finding electricity with someone else is going to be difficult. Make a clean break- or attempt a reconciliation. Then we can talk about other women.... You aren't over the one you are sharing a house with...
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