Lippy2 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Do men really feel you deserve better, that they can't give you what you need and deserve or is that just a copout on there part? I'm curious what people think about this. All opinions welcome !!!
tanbark813 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 It's either a copout or indicative of very low self-esteem.
Hersheys Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Copout. No excuses and reasons when someone really wants to be with you.
Author Lippy2 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 I tend to agree that it's a copout. If you want to be with somone, you don't give them up citing you deserve better and your so wonderful and life is so stressful right now, I can't give you what you deserve. Could it be that someone is overwhelmed and stressed with their life, seriously?
wanthimbackwithme Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 My LTBF has just left me becuase he didnt deserve the way i was treating him (breakdown, not actually realising what I was doing to him) so does that make him a copout or someone who couldn't cope with it? I'd like to think it wasn't a copout but now this has got me thinking............
Author Lippy2 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 My LTBF has just left me becuase he didnt deserve the way i was treating him (breakdown, not actually realising what I was doing to him) so does that make him a copout or someone who couldn't cope with it? I'd like to think it wasn't a copout but now this has got me thinking............ I don't know your story but I think that's a totally different topic. Sounds more like he wasn't happy with the way you were treating him, hence not deserving being treated that way. I hope I interpeted what you said correctly.
BCCA Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Do men really feel you deserve better, that they can't give you what you need and deserve or is that just a copout on there part? I'm curious what people think about this. All opinions welcome !!! Completely, 100%, without a doubt a copout. It doesnt make any sense, ' youre so great, that instead of me treating you the same way, Im going to bail because you deserve better'. WHAT? Its a way to shift blame, like theyre doing you a favor more than hurting your feelings.
Author Lippy2 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 Completely, 100%, without a doubt a copout. It doesnt make any sense, ' youre so great, that instead of me treating you the same way, Im going to bail because you deserve better'. WHAT? Its a way to shift blame, like theyre doing you a favor more than hurting your feelings. I hear ya. People would rather hear the truth. That's why I asked, can stress and being overwhelmed with work really cause this kind of reaction?
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Do men really feel you deserve better, that they can't give you what you need and deserve or is that just a copout on there part? I'm curious what people think about this. All opinions welcome !!! I think it's a plain ol' copout. Men and sometimes even women do that because they don't want to hurt the other person. Truth be told I think it's childish...if we are grown enough to get in a relationship we are grown to know the truth, ya know?
Truly Lost Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I don't think any guy or girl would ever say something like "you deserve better" if they were in love with you. It doesn't make sense. Its just a way for them to ease the guilt of telling you they don't want to be with you anymore....plain and simple.
Author Lippy2 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 It seems everyone is of the same opinion. Copout. I would be interested in some other opinions of my dilemma. If you have the time, please checkout my post about what happened. I would very much appreciate it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t180920/?highlight=give+insight
Truly Lost Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I read the post about your break up and I don't want to simplify the situation or sound like a jerk, but it sounds to me like he might have another love interest. I had a boyfriend (for 5 months) who claimed everyday that he loved me, I practically lived with him. I know we hadn't been together for long, but thats not the point of me telling you this. We were together a lot. Then one day, out of the blue, he doesn't call me or answer his phone. At first, I thought it was nothing, he's just busy. This lasted a week. Then he called me eventually and told me that he didn't know what was going on with him and that he loved me and so on. We went back to the way things were for about a month, then he up and disappeared on me again, without warning. This time it was for more than a week. I assumed after a week we were over. I thought to myself..."How is he going to explain this"? Well, he didn't explain anything to me. He called me every once in a blue moon to see how I was....honestly I think it was to see if he could come by to get sex. Unfortunately, one time I thought he was trying to get back together. Believe me, he was laying it on thick. He said he loved me and couldn't explain what was going on with him and that he missed me and he was sorry for what he had done. I foolishly ended up sleeping with him that night. The next morning he left and I was happy again. My day went great and I was looking forward to hanging out with him after work. So when I got home I called him. No answer. I left a message. He didn't call back. I called him several hours later...no answer. He went right back to ignoring me!!! I was devistated. Why do this to me? Anyway, time went by and he never called me. It was because (I found out from his ex-roommate) that he had another girl that he was pining after and she came back into the picture while I was dating him. It was wishy washy for him so he didn't want to immediately get rid of me. But then, when he had his chance to get with her...I was history.
Author Lippy2 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 I read the post about your break up and I don't want to simplify the situation or sound like a jerk, but it sounds to me like he might have another love interest. I had a boyfriend (for 5 months) who claimed everyday that he loved me, I practically lived with him. I know we hadn't been together for long, but thats not the point of me telling you this. We were together a lot. Then one day, out of the blue, he doesn't call me or answer his phone. At first, I thought it was nothing, he's just busy. This lasted a week. Then he called me eventually and told me that he didn't know what was going on with him and that he loved me and so on. We went back to the way things were for about a month, then he up and disappeared on me again, without warning. This time it was for more than a week. I assumed after a week we were over. I thought to myself..."How is he going to explain this"? Well, he didn't explain anything to me. He called me every once in a blue moon to see how I was....honestly I think it was to see if he could come by to get sex. Unfortunately, one time I thought he was trying to get back together. Believe me, he was laying it on thick. He said he loved me and couldn't explain what was going on with him and that he missed me and he was sorry for what he had done. I foolishly ended up sleeping with him that night. The next morning he left and I was happy again. My day went great and I was looking forward to hanging out with him after work. So when I got home I called him. No answer. I left a message. He didn't call back. I called him several hours later...no answer. He went right back to ignoring me!!! I was devistated. Why do this to me? Anyway, time went by and he never called me. It was because (I found out from his ex-roommate) that he had another girl that he was pining after and she came back into the picture while I was dating him. It was wishy washy for him so he didn't want to immediately get rid of me. But then, when he had his chance to get with her...I was history. Wow, I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. That might be the case here, I am just not sure. I guess part of me wants to believe of course that he was telling the truth. I know he doesn't handle stress well, so maybe I am making excuses for him. Maybe he does have someone else, I asked that question and he said no I am not, if I was I would tell you. I wouldn't do that to you. Maybe he's just trying to ease his own guilt, since he kept saying I feel guilty that I give you everything you deserve and need right now. It's all hard to swallow. UGH
Truly Lost Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 The same ex-roommate (who is a guy) said to me that guys aren't complicated. Women make us complicated. He went on to say guys usually know exactly what they want. The Jerk I was dating knew he wanted this other girl, but didn't want to risk losing out on me completely before he knew he had a "sure" thing with her. I was his back up. This didn't involve my feelings at all. What he did was mean and selfish. I would never, ever take him back. In fact, if I ever have the misfortune of running in to him again, I will definately punch him in the face. It took me a long time to get over what he did. It actually took meeting someone else before I could start feeling better about myself. I ran into the same ex-roommate again and for what ever reason he always brings us "The Jerk". I told him I would appreciate it if you would not discuss him around me. He said, if it makes you feel any better, he got dumped recently and is completely miserable. I said, "thats wonderful"!!
Template Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I've used the "You deserve better" line, and I've really meant it. However, I've never broken up with someone because of it. For me it was more like, "You deserve better, and I'll do what I can to better myself, so you can have it." It was a personal motivation tool be the better person I thought she deserved. However, with that being said, I can totally see how one (women use this line too) might use it as a copout. It doesn't necessarily mean that they've found someone, but it could mean they just aren't willing to work on the relationship anymore.
Author Lippy2 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 I've used the "You deserve better" line, and I've really meant it. However, I've never broken up with someone because of it. For me it was more like, "You deserve better, and I'll do what I can to better myself, so you can have it." It was a personal motivation tool be the better person I thought she deserved. However, with that being said, I can totally see how one (women use this line too) might use it as a copout. It doesn't necessarily mean that they've found someone, but it could mean they just aren't willing to work on the relationship anymore. Sometimes I think he really does mean it. I thought back to times in our relationship, funny how we go back and remember things. He has said this on more than one occasion. I remember one time he said a couple of years ago and he kept saying it and I said well if that's how you feel, then step up to the plate. Weird. Maybe it's just his was of saying I can't do this, it's too much effort? Wow, maybe I need to do more thinking and go back some and think about what's been said in the past. He has always had issues with being good enough. His job is the only thing he really knows he is accomplished in and is the best. He has always been trying to prove himself if you will. Be it his parents, work, me etc.
Author Lippy2 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 just thought that I would also point out that we are in our early forties...
Author Lippy2 Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 I am so upset, I have been thinking and really, I feel like more and more he was saying I am not worthy of him. I mean how can he tell me all these wonderful things about me but then say I just need to be myself right now. If he thought I was worth it, wouldn't he want to try? I need some help coping?
PinkToes Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I haven't read your story but in response to a hypothetical question, it isn't a copout if the person is somehow incapable of behaving differently -- whether they really can't handle stress or have another debilitating issue. My ex was bipolar and knew he couldn't cope with what he felt was an inadequacy where we were concerned. That said, I once stayed in a relationship after my feelings had changed, and I knew he didn't deserve my indifference. But in that case, my behavior followed my feelings.
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