GoodOnPaper Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I'm reading the book, Authentic Happiness, by Harold Seligman, a PhD psychologist. In it, he describes a friend who is self-made millionaire and a US national bridge champion but who had a miserable love life because (supposedly) his personality was not considered sufficiently interesting. The author suggested that the friend move to Europe because extroverted, excitement-generating personality qualities in a man aren't necessarily held in as high esteem there (apparently, the friend is now happily married to a European woman). I was very surprised at this broadsweeping assertion and it piqued my curiosity. For those who live or have traveled in Europe, is this notion consistent with your experience?
2sure Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 No, I would not say that charm and social grace ( which is what makes people interesting) is held as less valuable in Europe. At all. Sure, the typical American Stereotype - loud, attention seeking, is not attractive anywhere, but possibly more accepted home in the US. But trust me, there are loud attention seeking French and Italian who are accepted in Europe also. It is however VERY possible that the man you reference found social success and romance in another country simply because he was a foreignor. That alone made him interesting, which probably made him more confident, which made him more attractive.....
marlena Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 For those who live or have traveled in Europe, is this notion consistent with your experience? I have lived in the States for 20 years and another 20+ in a European country. I have also travelled extensively throughout Europe. Honestly, though, I am not quite sure what you mean by your post. It is, for me, a bit ambivalent. Care to clarify? What exactly do you mean by this? The author suggested that the friend move to Europe because extroverted, excitement-generating personality qualities in a man aren't necessarily held in as high esteem there (apparently, the friend is now happily married to a European woman)
Author GoodOnPaper Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 I have lived in the States for 20 years and another 20+ in a European country. I have also travelled extensively throughout Europe. Honestly, though, I am not quite sure what you mean by your post. It is, for me, a bit ambivalent. Care to clarify? What exactly do you mean by this? I think the author's opinion was that American women place a higher priority on the intensity of the early attraction "spark" when considering a romantic relationship.
2sure Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 The early attraction spark of which you speak is no less important to romance in europe than it is in the US. Marrying for practical reasons, or reasons other than romantic is of couse more traditional in other cultures today.
marlena Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I think the author's opinion was that American women place a higher priority on the intensity of the early attraction "spark" when considering a romantic relationship. I think this might have been true a hundred years ago but I can assure you this is not the case now. Still, all considered, Europeans are more pragmatic/realistic/grounded and less prone to believe in the prince-in-shining-armour BS that American women are milked with in their popular culture ranging from soap operas to the song industry and cheap, romantic literature.
Author GoodOnPaper Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 It is however VERY possible that the man you reference found social success and romance in another country simply because he was a foreignor. That alone made him interesting, which probably made him more confident, which made him more attractive..... I agree -- the exotic factor would kick in without him having to do anything different.
Isolde Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Yes, Europeans seem to be more relaxed about dating and probably less likely to disqualify someone for petty reasons early on, it doesn't mean chemistry or passion isn't important there but that dating timelines may differ. I do think the overall *lifestyle* in Europe is more adventurous than in the US, though.
marlena Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I do think the overall *lifestyle* in Europe is more adventurous than in the US, though. People don't really date in the American sense of the word. Two people meet, they are drawn to eachother and a relationship ensues...with sex very early on.. No prudish questionning as to whether it is too early or not.. It is a given. Both parties expect it and consider it the norm... No: will he think less of me, blah,blah, blah... I think Europeans are more comfortable with their sexuality. As for this. I agree -- the exotic factor would kick in without him having to do anything different. Ummm... no, Americans are not considered exotic, not by any stretch of the imagination.
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