Mustain2234 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I'll breeze through the facts here in bullet style. -- Talk to ex a week before my bday. One point in the conversation she asks what I'm doing next week on my birthday, because it's the same day of a popular college aged event. -- I reply that I'll be with my friends around here, and add that I'm surprised she remembered my birthday because I'd "never let her forget it if she didn't haha." I know, it was a mistake and I probably sounded desperate for her birthday wishes. --Birthday approaches with no call, no text. I'm thinking to myself it's probably because my text gave the impression I expected a birthday message, and she -- attempting to hold onto the upper hand -- purposely neglected it. -- Three days later (yesterday) I receive a text wishing me a happy belated birthday. It says shes so sorry for no remembering and that she always mistakes my birthday for the 9th instead of the 6th. -- I think to myself, sure, you somehow forget my birthday even though the previous week you acknowledge it, that's until it actually approaches at which point you somehow mistake it for the 9th, but ONLY after the 6th pasts do you remember it was the correct date. -- I don't respond back. Today arrives and in the evening I receive a text, "Are we fighting? haha" This says so much to me. It first suggests she knows why I didn't immediately respond, but additionally, implies to me that she is so used to me being at her disposal that even ONE DAY passing without a reply causes concern for her ego. Three days passed from my birthday before hearing from her, for christs sakes. What I want to know is, first, if this seems like a power ploy to you. As if to say, "I'll decide when to wish you happy bday, and when I do, I damn well better receive a response on my terms." It's disheartening because I think to myself if she can't even put aside some thought within her head that calling me on my birthday is a sign of weakness, then how the **** are we supposed to get back together? I'll admit right now, I'm holding out on replying to get back at her. I know its as childish as her actions, but I feel I can't just give her the impression that I'm fine with this crap. Yeah, forget my birthday, come up with a lame excuse and I'll act as if everything is fine. Oh, and yes -- I understand as my ex she isn't obligated to acknowledge my birthday. However, considering she DID a week before, and then several days afterwards where she tried to pass me off as an idiot, I want to know if my understanding of her thought process is correct. Any ideas on how I should approach this? I mean, aside from NC, if I'm going to respond back to her what should I say? It's funny that the ignoring of the birthday isn't the issue, here. It's that she has the ego, and the lack of respect, to decide when she wants to wish me a happy birthday.
Surfer Dude Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 She's an ex. You don't owe her any explanations and she doesn't owe you birthday wishes. It would be the best to just forget her and move on. Implement strict NC and don't look back. You're thinking "what if I do this/that, what if I don't do that........". Ultimately it doesn't matter. You aren't together anymore. Lose that piece of baggage called EX, and go meet other women. These power plays and mindgames are exactly why you should never be friends with an ex. Everyone says that being friends with exs was the worst period of their lives, I couldn't agree more.
BoatLord Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Seriously? It's just a birthday and she is your EX. What exactly is the problem?
samspade Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 You are thinking way too much about it. She's an ex; who cares? Your birthday should be about you having fun with the people in your life. You'd think it was international diplomacy, the way people consider their "responses." Personally, I don't wish my exes happy birthdays. They can get that from the guys they're dating.
2sure Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Without going into the reasoning, You need to never mention the birthday greeting incident again. Not to her, and not to anyone else. Trust me on this.
paperchase Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 how old are you? I only ask because my experience is that younger people care way more about their b-day being recognized. my ex's birthday is next week. I won't be wishing her happy b-day before or after. it's a huge deal to her...she likes to think of it as b-day week or b-day month. i'm sure you don't like the responses here. they are right though, she's an ex and she owes you nothing. but if you really want to decipher what she's doing I'll take a stab. of course she knows she missed your b-day and that it would affect you. she's making light of it and trivializing your feelings. so what if the man she dumped is upset. truth is, she doesn't really care how you feel anymore and she's just having a little fun with it. you can be pretty certain she didn't put as much thought into her text as you have put into interpreting it.
selena_cat Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 hey paperchasemspeak for yourself I am quite older,i wont mention age but i still make a big deal out of Birthdays. Its not unusual for the poster to want his ex to acknowledge his birthday if they are suppose to be friends. arent friends suppose notice other friend's birthday's? but i agree,exes do like to have power play and if she doesnt bother to acknowledge your birthday you have to rethink what kind of person is she i have an ex who didnt give a damn about my graduation and i still resent that, if the person doesnt make an effort for any important times in your life,now is the time to cut that friendship,really its headaches and hassle and your better off to start with people who can give you much more
audrey_1 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Interesting that birthdays are being discussed, since mine is coming up in two weeks, and just this afternoon as I was leaving work got a text from the ex to please send him my address so he could send me a "birthday surprise." Ugh. I am not the type to ignore, so I just sent an email with the address, saying it wasn't necessary, but I didn't feel like putting up a fuss. He broke it off with me to see someone else.
BCCA Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 My ex's birthday was in Jan, mine is next month. I didnt say anything to her, I expect the same in return.
boldjack Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Dude, this post is pathetic. She's your ex forchrissakes!!!! You sound like one of those emo wussies. Try to man-up and go out, get drunk and chase babes. This belongs on that "why men are acting more like women ", post.:laugh:
tommiw Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 She's an ex. You don't owe her any explanations and she doesn't owe you birthday wishes. It would be the best to just forget her and move on. Implement strict NC and don't look back. You're thinking "what if I do this/that, what if I don't do that........". Ultimately it doesn't matter. You aren't together anymore. Lose that piece of baggage called EX, and go meet other women. These power plays and mindgames are exactly why you should never be friends with an ex. Everyone says that being friends with exs was the worst period of their lives, I couldn't agree more. Exactly! And I have also tried to be friends with my ex... it made me depressed again and I lost my will to live, so... It's almost never good for you and your health.
samspade Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 My most recent ex's birthday was last fall. I ignored, just as I had been all along. Mine was last week. She sent a nice happy birthday message of a few lines. I dashed off a brisk "Thanks." I've been over her for quite a while, but that doesn't mean I want to be friends with her. I know who my real friends are.
paperchase Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Exactly! And I have also tried to be friends with my ex... it made me depressed again and I lost my will to live, so... It's almost never good for you and your health. being friends with your ex only benefits you if you did the dumping. then u get to have your guilt eased and a place to turn every so often for an ego boost. I have managed to be friends with an ex who dumped me almost two decades ago. she idealizes our puppy love childhood relationship and when I visit home she still offers NSA sex to this day.
mmk1 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 My advice is just leave it alone. My birthday is next month and there is no way my ex of 4 years will wish me a happy bday nor do I expect her to (we broke up in August). We dated and now its over; I do not expect a lifetime committment from her to recognize my birthday or anything else.
JamesM Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 She's an ex. You don't owe her any explanations and she doesn't owe you birthday wishes. Seriously? It's just a birthday and she is your EX. What exactly is the problem? You are thinking way too much about it. She's an ex; who cares? Your birthday should be about you having fun with the people in your life. My advice is just leave it alone. Ditto all of the above. IMO this makes it seem that you still have the hots for her, and you think she must consider you as more than any other person. You are an ex...say that ten times. Never has an ex of mine ever sent me any sort of wishes. And they are not suddenly in the friend category as if there was never a relationship. To me it seems that she sent you a birthday wish after you asked her if she would remember. It does not seem that she even sent the belated one out of "friendship. Move on and find a new partner. It sounds as if she is moving on, too.
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