Charmaine_Champagne Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 ok so i'm generalizing here but it's seemed to me that men do get over their ex quicker.. that once she is replaced she's forgotten.. whereas women cry into their pillow for months on end.. it also seems that GENERALLY men tend to go out and have one night stands and get off with other women to get over an ex whereas women tend to wallow in their own self pity, boring their friends to tears with questions and getting drunk and crying etc.. i admit i agreed with that, until i came on here.. i was with my ex 6 years, now he's acting like he couldn't care if i'm alive or dead, there has been no contact.. does he even miss me?
flouie1130 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I must be a girl because I'm doing everything you say the girl does minus the drunk part. She hasn't called me and she ended up going out with someone else right after(read my post for more info if you want). I don't know if they miss us or even care. I think in my case she really could care less. Dont worry, we will work through this, just have to remember things will get better. BTW im a guy
The Blue Pill Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 If I had to generalize I would agree that men get over it more quickly. Then again in this day and age, there are plenty of women that sleep around right after dumping some guy as well. I don't think there's a correct answer. I'm 6 months past a breakup but not over it (guy).
era Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 women tend to wallow in their own self pity, boring their friends to tears with questions and getting drunk and crying etc.. Guilty as charged .....
Author Charmaine_Champagne Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 they say to get over someone you have to keep busy, socialize, go out with friends.. but i find it hard to put 100% effort into enjoying myself when inside i feel miserable, so when i attempt to socialize i'm not exactly a barrel of laughs to be around.. oh well it's early days
Truly Lost Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I think men and women go about it a little differently and of course there are exceptions to the rule. It depends on what happened in the relationship and what was the cause of the break up. From my understanding, at least in comparing men and women who have been dumped....generally, women have an intuitiveness to know that a break up is near and usually prepare themselves a little better than men do. If a man is dumped, usually they are very surprised and didn't expect it. Women, after being dumped, will flock to their friends and families and pour their heart out. Sometimes this helps with getting over a break up and sometimes it prolongs it. In contrast, men will talk to a close friend or family member, sometimes in detail or briefly, but don't tend to pour their hearts out. I think guys grieve privately, while women let the world know their grief. Now with that said, I think guys break down, cry and get really depressed, just like us women do. They just don't show it as dramatically. I think it has something to do with how guys are raised. Anyway, thats just my opinion.
chrissreef Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 my ex broke up a 3 yr relationship with me and seems to be having a great time with the guy she left me for for 3 months now (personal trainer 12 yrs her sr). I on the other hand didn't see it coming and am still coping hard... I still think about her once per hour... but that's better than every 5 minutes like it used to be! as a guy, i poured my heart out to everyone i know. things are getting better though... going on NC mode now, we haven't been able to due to her having to get stuff from my place etc. i'm crossing my fingers NC can work after 3 months =/
a_f_w Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I think that in this case (i.e. how people cope and deal with a breakup) variation between situations and people is greater than the variation between the sexes. But I guess how it appears to an observer would differ significantly when comparing a man and a woman: Perhaps it is a masculine trait to compartmentalise one's feelings and to deal with them in private or at least, not very openly or with just anyone. My girlfriend cheated on me and left me for him, and I was thoroughly ****ed up as you can imagine - but my housemates didn't even notice anything until about a month later when she hadn't been round for a while. That's just because I was thankfully able to appear completely normal and remain composed despite the nausea and turmoil swirling around inside. BUT, women perhaps do not, or can not, do that? And easily turn outwards to their friends and anyone else, allowing themselves to appear sad and broken. Interestingly, I have a gay male friend and he is very much like that as well. Chrissreef - if you're still feeling bad after 3 months, definately revise your strategy. Briefly, the big steps in my fairly quick recovery, in order of when they happened: > I stopped begging and being nice to her, took control and explained that what she did was appalling and unacceptable, and that I would have nothing more to do with her. For the first time, there, she expressed any kind of regret that we had broken up. > I started going out and doing things. I went to visit friends in other cities, found local events and activities to go to, volunteered with things - absolutely anything and everything to be out and about and being with people. This helped a lot. > Being open to new interest from women. I'm not saying to go and sleep around (though if it works for you...), but meeting new women was a very big and helpful step for me. It can be anywhere, probably as part of all the new things you're going to (see the step above), and why not put a profile up on some dating websites (www.pof.com and www.okcupid.com are good free ones). It's fun and harmless and if you do meet someone new then you'll be amazed how much it takes your mind off your ex. Just think how she had zero feelings or concerns for you, *because she had someone else*. Apply that principle yourself.
BCCA Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 The sex of someone is irrelevant. Whoever is the dumper gets over it faster, because they've mentally prepared themselves for it to end, and decided thats what they want. Unfortunately, women dump men at almost 5 times the pace of the other way around. There are many theories about why, but thats just the way it is, so the common misconception is that women get over breakups faster, because they are usually dumpers (which may sound silly to you women out there that have been dumped, so I apologize).
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