pandagirl Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Hey, so some of you may have seen my post entitled "Second date makeout, but feel ambiguous." In a nutshell: - First date last Wednesday, had a couple drinks, maybe a 90 minute date. Good conversation, enough chemistry. He wrote me 30 minutes after the date to say he had a good time and wanted to see me again. - Second date on Sunday. I thought it would be another quick date, but it lasted from 5pm - midnight, because he kept on elongating the time, suggesting dinner, more drinks, etc. He finally made his move at the very end of the date, where we smooched a bit and held hands. Now, no word from him. I know it's only been two days, but I just find it odd since he pulled the trigger so fast after the first date. I know that it's very common to have a "GREAT date," and then to never hear from the guy again. Honestly, I'm not going to be too upset if this is the case, but it WILL even further compound my confusion and utter dismay of the opposite sex. God, if he is doing this on purpose to peak my interest, it is working. I AM SUCH A CLICHE!
artchick88 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 this may not be helpful but my dad does a lot of online dating which is what i think youre doing (?) Sometimes he has phenominal dates but then something in his life goes off course (like his crazy ex wife or something causes him to withdraw) So it could be that he is interested in you but something in his life is too distracting for him right now. Number one thing to do is maybe a breif follow up if you haven't already or just play it cool and if he doesn't call you truly can blame it on him just having something distracting going on in his life.
redant Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Be glad it's only two dates if you were more invested it would be harder! Could be so many different reasons. Don't give up keep dating and you will find that perfect fish! Of course he could still call and probably will to set up the next smooch session. It's only been two days!
Author pandagirl Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 Be glad it's only two dates if you were more invested it would be harder! Could be so many different reasons. Don't give up keep dating and you will find that perfect fish! Of course he could still call and probably will to set up the next smooch session. It's only been two days! Totally agree -- only been two days. Just basing it on the fact he set up the next date, the night OF our first date!
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Eh. Just wait. I had our first date with my BF and it wasn't that spectacular, we talked on the phone a lot for an entire month (we're two hours apart), I went on a family vacay, and didn't hear from the guy for like 2 weeks after that. He finally did contact me and we had a spectacular 2nd date. He told me the reason he didn't call me during those 2 weeks was that he was trying to come up with a good enough reason to come out and see me without sounding desperate. LOL So maybe he's trying to come up with a good date? Who knows. There are so many variables. But two days is nothing. Hang in there.
Prodigal Princess Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 SoulSearch is right - too many variables! Quite frankly I think you should be loving the fact that he has waited more than 24 hours to ask you out again. I mean seriously, if he'd pulled another stunt like last time you'd be grossed out because he was so keen. Yes darling you are a cliche but we all are, that is why it is called "cliche"! Let us know how your next date goes. Given your recent history, I'm really quite giddy for you about this one. x
Scum Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I see two possibilities. The first which i don't think is the right possibility, is he was just looking for a fun couple of nights. Maybe the next time he is bored you will get a call? I don't know if you enjoy that but maybe he is that type of a guy. Second, is he is interested you just haven't given him enough time yet. Work, school, business trip? I don't know things happen. The indication that he wanted to continue the date is obviously a sign of interest. I wouldn't freak out after 2 days. Give it a little more time and I bet you get a phone call! Have fun and good luck!
Author pandagirl Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 SoulSearch is right - too many variables! Quite frankly I think you should be loving the fact that he has waited more than 24 hours to ask you out again. I mean seriously, if he'd pulled another stunt like last time you'd be grossed out because he was so keen. Yes darling you are a cliche but we all are, that is why it is called "cliche"! Let us know how your next date goes. Given your recent history, I'm really quite giddy for you about this one. x True, too eager = turn off. (Again, I am a cliche.) And, thank you, hopefully there will be another date and I'll let you know how it goes. To everyone, thanks for all the words of encouragement! You guys are sweet.
Author pandagirl Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 Okay, I think I am going to stick a fork in this guy. I know some of you may think I’m being preemptive, but let’s take a look at the time: Last Monday: He asked me out Tuesday: He sets up date for Wednesday Wednesday: we meet up Wednesday post-date: He writes me saying he’d like to see me again Thursday: He sets up date for Sunday Friday: He Facebook friends me Sunday: Date, 7 hours, he seems really into, elongates date, kissing and affection Monday: Nothing Tuesday: Nothing Wednesday: I drop him an email, we write back and forth a bit. I ask him if he wants to meet up again. Nothing. Thursday, today, thus far: Nothing. It just doesn’t add up. I know people will say, maybe he’s busy, etc., but he obviously had the time to make plans with me before. And you will always make the effort if you want to see the person. What do you guys think? Honestly, no harm done…but I just don’t GET IT!!! edit: could it be he just wanted to sleep with me?
yeex Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 maybe he realizes that he was kinda coming on strong at first and now does not want to seem too eager so he is pulling back. Looks like you may be over analyzing it now and it is bothering you. I would not compare what he is doing now to what he did in the last week. See what happens in the next week and don't hold any expectations. Ya'll are just starting out right?
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 If he only wanted to sleep with you then is a LOSER... Next! I have to say that I don't like the fact that he has not responded to your email. You sent it yesterday, right? Oh well. Don't try to make sense of dating because it is an impossible task. I went on a 7 hour date once. It was fantastic. Later on we were kissing on my couch and he told me that my eyes looked serious. I'm like, huh?? He thought I was developing feelings for him too early because the way my eyes looked? How would I even control that? Never heard from him again. The next time I saw him he was making out with some chick on the bus.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 If he only wanted to sleep with you then is a LOSER... Next! I have to say that I don't like the fact that he has not responded to your email. You sent it yesterday, right? Oh well. Don't try to make sense of dating because it is an impossible task. I went on a 7 hour date once. It was fantastic. Later on we were kissing on my couch and he told me that my eyes looked serious. I'm like, huh?? He thought I was developing feelings for him too early because the way my eyes looked? How would I even control that? Never heard from him again. The next time I saw him he was making out with some chick on the bus. Unless the OP made her thoughts on being serious pretty clear, I wouldn't call him a loser at all. Nothing wrong with wanting to get your stick wet.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I say he is a loser because if he only wants sex, then he isn't interested in her. If he isn't interested in her, why is he taking her on marathon dates, getting to know her, etc. If you want quick easy sex, find some chick in a bar and go hook up.
Author pandagirl Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 The thing is, I do not present myself as a girl you just "want to sleep with." Plus, he made all these comments about wanting a family and that he wants kids (he's 37). Our conversations were GREAT, went beyond the superficial and lots of laughs. I'm just thinking what could have changed so drastically within him in that second date to back off completely? Believe me, I made no hints at wanting to be "serious" at all! And, yes, I sent the email yesterday. Yeex: yes, we've only had two dates!
yeex Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Well the ball is in his court now. Sometimes that is the hard part, but you are just going to have to wait for him to make the next move so you do not look too eager. I would not start assuming he just wanted to sleep with you and stuff. Wait it out and see what happens in the next week or so and don't obsess over it because that will drive you crazy. I've been there before.
Author pandagirl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 Well the ball is in his court now. Sometimes that is the hard part, but you are just going to have to wait for him to make the next move so you do not look too eager. I would not start assuming he just wanted to sleep with you and stuff. Wait it out and see what happens in the next week or so and don't obsess over it because that will drive you crazy. I've been there before. No word from him today. Even if he does contact me in a week or two, I'm going to have no interest. I will never understand how people operate!
northstar1 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 No word from him today. Even if he does contact me in a week or two, I'm going to have no interest. I will never understand how people operate! I've been there, so I can relate. I had a great few dates with a girl not too long ago, like you, great conversation, chemistry etc. Then she just went cold and pretty much vanished. It's hard to explain at the time, but in the early stages of dating, you really don't know someone's full story. THey could be dating others, be on a breakup with someone, any number of reasons you may never know. Frustrating as heck. I'd move on like you won't hear from him again, meet some other guys etc. And if you hear from him in a few days, play it cool and see what he has to say. WHo knows, maybe he's just been really busy or dealing with things - but certainly don't pin high hopes on this guy yet.
Author pandagirl Posted March 13, 2009 Author Posted March 13, 2009 I've been there, so I can relate. I had a great few dates with a girl not too long ago, like you, great conversation, chemistry etc. Then she just went cold and pretty much vanished. It's hard to explain at the time, but in the early stages of dating, you really don't know someone's full story. THey could be dating others, be on a breakup with someone, any number of reasons you may never know. Frustrating as heck. I'd move on like you won't hear from him again, meet some other guys etc. And if you hear from him in a few days, play it cool and see what he has to say. WHo knows, maybe he's just been really busy or dealing with things - but certainly don't pin high hopes on this guy yet. Thanks for the words of support! It's true, you don't know what the other person is dealing with. I just come from the "you like them, you call them" camp. No excuses. You can always find the time to write a quick email or call or text. I'm not going to be crushed, it's more that I just don't understand how people go from hot to cold so fast! I mean, this guy seemed really into me for all the right reasons.
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