Former OW Update

[Gwyneth]

Hello All

 

It's been a while since I have passed by here and a part of me really had to force myself to come on to this board. It's a part of my life I really want to leave behind. Unfortunately that's not possible for me since I now have a baby as a result of my sinful affair with the MM.

 

I haven't read current postings, nor do I intend to because it's painful--it really is. It's a part of my life I'd like to forget over time. It's painful because I was once (not long-ago) this naiive chick who was really on my high-horse having a "lavish" affair with a MM. At the time I was flying-high; felt that I knew it all. Then I became pregnant. I was still very ignorant to the fact that what I had pulled was completely sinful and absolutely wrong. It took me a very long time to admit this. I am not able to freely and conciously admit that I was wrong. I have no regrets because life is full of complication, limits, and sins, but if I could go back in time, I would not subject myself to such cruelty and sinful action.

 

Fortunately I have a beautiful baby girl as a result of my affair. I'm thankful as she brings me joy and unconditional love every day. It's hard though; so hard that I have to try very hard to stay focused and try to be happy for my baby. Thoughts constantly run through my head--"do I tell my baby EVER how she was conceived?" or "do I lie to her and tell her she was a miracle?" These are questions and answers I will some day have to face. "What will she think of me when she finds the truth out?"

 

Previously the MM had given up his rights to be a father to our child. We both thought this was best--although difficult for him--to have him not be a part of the child's life. This was hard for me too because I would like a father to be in my child's life. At the time he was still married and trying to work on his marriage (I assumed). Last summer though, he and his wife separated when she found out for sure through his collegue he was having several affairs (talk about a classy man...). I thought I was the only one but apparently not. What should I have expected from a man having an affair PERIOD anyway? I was in another world, clearly.

 

Fortunately for me I found a really nice man last year who I have been dating since last summer. I never expected this to happen and I couldn't imagine myself without the MM. My affair with the MM left me very devestated and crying all the time. It was pretty much over-night that I realized I could move on and actually be in an open-relationship and happy at the same time. And this is exactly what happened. He has unconditional love for my daugther and helps me raise her. I got lucky.

 

I have faith that all of you currently in an affair or recently removed from an affair could also get lucky and move onto a healthier relationship.

 

I'm not here to gloat or brag, but I am here to let all of you who are having affairs know that there is life beyond the affair. The quicker you realize that and move on, the better and healthier for you. I don't condone affairs--not that I ever really did, but I do admit to the fact that I was in one and admitted it was wrong for many reasons. I think once I came to all these realizations it was easier for me to move on. It takes months--maybe even years, to fully recover from an affair. I am working on it every day and each day feel different.

 

I have a unique case in which I became pregnant--but I separate my daughter's life from my affair. She's an innocent miracle who I cannot put any blame on.

 

If any of you who are currently having an affair, thinking about ending, or have recently been removed from an affair would like to talk one-on-one, Please send me a PM and we can talk in confidentiality. I recently joined a small group as a coach to help people recover from affairs. It's a great support system and I encourage it.

 

Gwyn

[Reggie]

:bunny:I think you will do well and have learned a lot. And, you have a beautiful daughter, a true blessing. You sound like a good person and mother. Nice going on figuring this stuff out. I think God wanted your child to be here, with you.

[NewSunrise]

Thoughts constantly run through my head--"do I tell my baby EVER how she was conceived?" or "do I lie to her and tell her she was a miracle?" These are questions and answers I will some day have to face. "What will she think of me when she finds the truth out?"

Sometimes, the truth is the hardest thing to face, but it's the right thing to do. Part of that truth is that your daughter WAS conceived out of love no matter how wrong it was.

 

For now, enjoy in the moment. Hopefully, there are plenty of people listening to your story.

 

Good luck to you, your baby and new found love.

[sb129]

Hey Gwyneth-

 

we have had our differences, but I am really glad you are in a good space at the moment.

Good for you. Your daughter is beautiful.

 

I am having a baby this year too, and am really looking forward to being a parent.

Good luck to you.

[bentnotbroken]

Gwen, good job. You have been forgive for the A, move on and don't look back. You will be able to guide your daughter down a healthier path. You enjoy your life and I know God will lead you to guide others to safety. God bless you and your family.

[justice]

You wouldn't be lying if you told your daughter she is a miracle. All babies are innocent and she is indeed a miracle.

My congratulations to you for finally finding that peaceful ground you were looking for. I'm proud of you for making the right decisions and for getting yourself out of a bad situation.

[boldjack]

The past is past. Look to the future with your child, and your new (unmarried) man. Best of Luck and all good things come to you........Jack

[quankanne]

BJ, thanks for bringing this post out of the circulated files, it's good to see/hear that G is now at a good spot in her life.

 

Gwyn, you definitely wouldn't be lying when you tell your little one that she is a miracle. You just bide your time when she's older and you can find the right way to explain circumstances as simply and briefly as possible. Remember, YOU'RE the mama!

 

hugs to you both, I imagine you must be loving motherhood

 

q

[Owl]

Wow Gwyn...talk about coming a LONG way!!!

 

That was an awesome post.

 

I truly wish you and your daughter well. Happiness and healthiness to you both!

[2sure]

Gwyn - I was not here when you were a more active poster but I do have something to share that might interest you as a parent. A parent with a "secret" if you will.

 

We all have them. Important things, and uncomfortable things we wonder how we will share with our children. Some of them are like your own and affect the child directly. Others dont seem so direct but in fact are - because thay are a reflection of us , the parent.

 

Things like: adoption, divorce because of infidelity, out of wedlock births, teen pregnancy, drug addiction, drinking problems, arrests, being institutionalized.

 

Dont worry about the information. Raise your daughter and teach her according to your experience, values, and beliefs. Give her the strength to deal with facts, the security to know she is in good hands, and the empathy to not judge others. Same thing you would do regardless of the circumstance of her conception.

 

Well, this is the plan I'M going with .

[boldjack]

I agree with 2sure with one exception, If your child ever finds out from an outside source, and asks you about her birth, be absolutely honest in your answer.

[Meaplus3]

Good for you Gwyn.. it sounds like your in a great place and I'm so happy to hear that. Cherish that baby girl of yours she's a blessing from the lord above. My best to you always.

 

Mea:)

[White Flower]

Wow Gwyn, you've come a long way! I'm so happy you found someone new and that you are enjoying your precious gift, your daughter.

 

Congrats on every level,

WF.