The Blue Pill Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I dated a girl for 2.5 years. Things were good at first but slowly went downhill. She wasn't happy and it ended one-sided. That was 6 months ago and I've been struggling ever since. I recently found out that she is seeing someone else and it's really messing with my head. I'm sure I'm not the only one... How do you get over the thought of the person you love being with someone else in ways you used to be? Probably the most difficult thing a person can go through, I think. Any help is appreciated.
Trialbyfire Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I like that! I've thought of one thing I didn't like about her and told myself that in my head at least. I should do so more often. I thought I would answer this in your thread v. thread-jacking someone else's. Hope you don't mind. That's a way to do it. Sit down and think of the top three or five reasons you're glad to be free of her. Then apply to: "She's your problem now, buddy!" This way, you can slowly dig your way out of this portion of your pain. When someone's getting over breakup, the last things they need are self-induced self-esteem hits, like doing the new v. old comparison(s).
kizik Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I dated a girl for 2.5 years. Things were good at first but slowly went downhill. She wasn't happy and it ended one-sided. That was 6 months ago and I've been struggling ever since. I recently found out that she is seeing someone else and it's really messing with my head. I'm sure I'm not the only one... How do you get over the thought of the person you love being with someone else in ways you used to be? Probably the most difficult thing a person can go through, I think. Any help is appreciated. First of all, you strike me as the kind of person with a healthy of amount of self-respect, so please know that the person that she's with can never match you. Do you know how I know this? Because you won't find the new guy searching for help on a message board after she breaks his heart, too. What I'm saying is that you undoubtedly brought the same attention and care to the relationship that you're bringing here, and that kind of thing is hard to come by - for me, for you, and yes, for her, too. Secondly, I'm sure you have hobbies and maybe you play sports. I highly advise doing as much of those things as possible, and exercising your body and mind. This'll boost your self-esteem and you'll be living a happier, fuller life. When your life becomes about YOU and not THEM. But most of all, don't view the fact that she is with someone else as a comparison or competition. I haven't read your story, but it sounds to me like your ex is flighty, young and doesn't know what she wants. Try not to take it personally.
Author The Blue Pill Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 Thank you for your post, it's much appreciated. I find it difficult to put the specifics of my story without giving away my identity; heaven forbid she stumbled upon it someday, but I'll do my best. I had been in a previous long-term relationship before her, but I was her first. I had asked her early on if she was satisfied and if I would be enough, and she assured me I was, so when she came back years later to tell me she was not happy, I was frustrated at her for that, since I had thought I was careful... I didn't want to be hurt again. Things between us were good and we were very good friends, but our sex life died quickly. It was difficult on both of us as we were not compatible. I'll leave it at that for both our sakes. I do honestly feel that I was emotionally prepared for a lifetime commitment and she, being unexperienced, was not. She wasn't finished with the party stage of her life I'm afraid, and I didn't see it coming. It didn't matter how hard I tried or what I did to make her happy, she simply wasn't ready to settle down and I think she felt really bad about it. I have nothing to be angry about, we've been apart 6 months and she now is dating someone else. It's perfectly responsible and healthy, but being as it was one sided, I'm still not over her and haven't fully coped. In all honesty, though your words are nice, I'm sure she has found someone better suited for her than me, and she deserves it, but it's not easy to try to be in that mindset. I've had a hard 6 months and the last few days have made it harder. And just in case she does stumble across this someday, I want to say I'm sorry, I loved you a lot and still do, but I hope you're happier...you deserve it.
dethfire Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 My girl left me for a guy who matches me on most things, but blows me away on the couple things that are most important to her. Honestly the guy is prolly top .000001% in the world and she just so happened to be great friends with him. Frustrates the hell out of me. Even though I know I am awesome, but she just happened to find someone a bit better, however unlikely that is. Trust me, it kills knowing she's with this other guy. All you can do is keep chugging along and keep following opportunities for yourself.
BackonTrack2 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 that girl can drop dead and marry a man made of gold, in the end its never about the other person, its about YOU. there is a reason she left and a reason she's sticking with him, but etherway that decision was made long before you even broke up and she's having constant sex with the new bloke, chances are you area already out of the system. been there, not a good place to be, in the end you'll come out feeling better and looking back at this as just another relationship, no big deal.
kizik Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 she's having constant sex with the new bloke, chances are you area already out of the system. Hey BackonTrack. You may think you're being "real" or giving tough love. In reality you're rubbing salt in the wound. There's no need to make the OP think about these things.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I recently found out that she is seeing someone else and it's really messing with my head. I'm sure I'm not the only one... How do you get over the thought of the person you love being with someone else in ways you used to be? By getting out there and in the game again and finding someone that will rock your world. There are millions of fish in the sea. So get a pole.
clv0116 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 First of all, you strike me as the kind of person with a healthy of amount of self-respect, so please know that the person that she's with can never match you That's sweet to say but really, you don't know that. For all you know she might be with a sex god who treats her right and is the 'one' for her. She might be digging her nails into his back RIGHT NOW. He needs to move on - it's all him.
Peter_pan Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 That's sweet to say but really, you don't know that. For all you know she might be with a sex god who treats her right and is the 'one' for her. She might be digging her nails into his back RIGHT NOW. He needs to move on - it's all him. woah whats with all the negative comments.. i think thats a little out of order. this guy is in pain and dosnt need **** comments like that. im sure he is aware of the reality.
DJMarky Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 woah whats with all the negative comments.. i think thats a little out of order. this guy is in pain and dosnt need **** comments like that. im sure he is aware of the reality. It may seem harsh but it helped for me. When people asked if I was still with my girlfriend, I would say no, she is ****ing some other dude. I would always discuss how much of a whore she is, and even make jokes about it to friends. This really helped. Instead of my friends sugar coating it, and me ignoring it, I took it head on and really visualised it and talked about it and hey, when she got angry at me for not wanting to take her back and she rubbed it in my face, it really didn't bother me compared to how much it could have. Where as if I had been avoiding the idea that she was sleeping with someone else I am sure I would have taken it much worse.
Peter_pan Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 hence why i said i am sure he is aware of the reality.. and im sure he has already awoken to fact of what would probably going on. dont think he needs someone making a news article out of it
kizik Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 That's sweet to say but really, you don't know that. For all you know she might be with a sex god who treats her right and is the 'one' for her. She might be digging her nails into his back RIGHT NOW. He needs to move on - it's all him. OK, how about this: OP, your ex is with a sex god. He is way better than you. She is digging her nails into his back right now. He makes $1M a year. His dick is 10 inches long. He drives a Beamer. He gives her nine orgasms a night. He is better, smarter and funnier than you, more talented, more charming, and simply more of a man than you. They'll be together forever. She'll marry him and have his kids and they'll live happily ever after, probably in Spain. Hope that helped.
sedgwick Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Do you really want to spend the rest of your life married to someone with whom you don't have sex?
StrikeFreedom Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I'd also like to know what people think on this issue... I have theorys but they're kind of depressing...
clv0116 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 woah whats with all the negative comments.. i think thats a little out of order. this guy is in pain and dosnt need **** comments like that. im sure he is aware of the reality. Comments like mine are PRECISELY what he needs to get his head around. Right now he's thinking she's still his girl and he needs to understand to the core of his soul the reality of things, before she can use him again.
Decisiontomake Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Even though I know I am awesome Had to post just to say "good on you" for this comment. The simple statement put a smile on my face
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