turnshyness Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Went out on a first date last week. It was actually great and we were both laughing all night and we instantly clicked. She even mentioned how she’s very excited to see me again BUT looking back and taking a step back, I actually find myself clinging on to this girl too much. I think I like her so much that I end up being too sweet and end up over doing stuff. Yes, I do recognize that could be a problem that’s why I’m here. Haha. Well I guess over doing some stuff might have worked for my advantage coz she’s out of the country for a week and we’re out of touch for a week so hopefully she’s thinking abt me? Lol! But she did say she’d call me when she gets back and nice thing too, she called before she boarded the flight and we talked for a little bit. She said she’d also try to send me text messages when/if she gets a signal. Question – how do I slow down my pace w/o playing games and playing hard to get? Last week, what I would do I send her a good am text msg w/c I think she appreciates but then I’d also call her at night to see how her day went w/c again I think she appreciates at any rate. Both of those I think she truly enjoys it – it’s just that i’m just worried that I’m over doing it if that make sense? So how do I slow down w/o coming across as “not interested” and w/o coming across as playing games when she comes back? Thanks all! P.S. Truth be told - I already miss her. hahaha
39388 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Do things for yourself that make you happy or improves yourself in some way. I don't know which of the following apply, but I'd think most or all. You could continue a hobby you already have or find a new hobby. You could put in a lot at work or school to improve yourself there. You could do things with friends. Do things that you enjoy to take up the time. You can become genuinely somewhat busy with activities. Being busy with activities you like doing can make you seem hard to get (at least not always available) without having to play hard to get. Others who have done this successfully could help with how to they did the above in practice.
redant Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I think girls like to be wooed a bit that is if she likes you. For me if I'm interested and attracted to someone I will not mind if the guy is excited about me. If I'm not I still appreciate it but I won't be able toreciprocate even if he plays hard to get.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I'm a lot like redant in that I like the attention from a guy I'm dating. What you're doing does not sound like overkill at all. If there has been no negative feedback so far, why would you want to pull back? Just keep up what you're doing. As long as you're not like the "sensitive guy" on Bedazzled (I drew you a picture, I wrote you a poem, the sunset makes me cry), you should be good. LOL
Scum Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Yes she is thinking about you. Girls really aren't very much different (well thats a lie) but in this case its the same. Simple answer is you are on her mind. As far as going on to strong, its possible. However, some girls like all the attention while others can see it as a turn off. You have made it sound like you are the only one calling/texting but you did say she called before the flight. (This is again an indication she is thinking of you because she wanted to get one last goodbye in while she knew she could.) If it were me I would continue but I may slow down on the routine of texting in the am and calling in the pm. Don't be predictable. This will help shake things up so shes not expecting it helping to give an illusion of you slowing down. Hope it works out. Good luck!
collegekid491 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I have to go against the crowd here... Its a bit overkill, and you realize it because your sensing your growing attached. Generally in the beginning of a relationship (some exceptions apply) frequent contact is acceptable, even expected, but after some time you have to step back a bit and... ween them off it. The thing is, she does enjoy it, the problem comes into play though when after talking non stop... conversation starts to stall. You buzz through all that material and stories so fast that your out of... stuff to talk about :s. This will always happen eventually, but in the beginning of a relationship its all you really got because doors havn't been opened to deeper conversation or experiences with each other yet. To answer your question after my big long explanation lol, just contact her once a day for a bit, and then maybe every other day, just stay somewhat consistant, gradually weening her down to what you feel is generally long enough your missing her really bad (longer you wait the more you have to talk about also, such as catch up on the days events). If she's phoning you multiple times in a day, she needs more attention, error on the side of to little while sprinkling a bit more in (you want her to call about half the time right?), if she doesn't then maybe she wanted that space but was communicating alot with you because she was trying to impress you (which is ok, dodging the bullet before it becomes a issue). Either way, gives her a bit of a chase while showing your still interested, comes off better then clingy in my opinion. Patience is a virtue
Author turnshyness Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 Thanks for all of the advice. Yup, I guess what I'm trying to achieve is balance too so that way I'm not over doing it. I do need to mix it up from time to time that way she'll make the effort calling too and that way I dont bore her Funny thing is, I was actually going to offer to pick her up at the airport but good thing I smack my head and just said to myself "Man, I need to slow down a little bit". I mean it would have been a nice gesture but whooo I didnt want to look like a stalker right!? lol.
Author turnshyness Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 So far it's been positive feedback bec right before the flight, in the morning she said she'd try to call me if/when she can...as her flight was approaching and I didnt hear back from her so I just thought I'd send her a quick good bye text message and yet before she boarded she gave me a call then we said our goodbyes. Alright so now I was talking to my friend and I'm having mixed feelings abt this. My friend told me that I should have offered her to pick her up at the airport - but I disagreed though. 1 - we just met and we met through online so I'm not even sure if she'd want me to pick her up and bring her back to her place finding out where she lives (that'd be stalkerish and I wouldnt want that). 2 - the fact that I might have been over doing stuff during that week - I needed to slow down anyways just to be on the safe side. Was I wrong to not offer her a ride? Gosh - Now I'm getting worried too coz she hasnt sent me a text msg. HA! Damn I need to calm down. Hopefully she doesnt have a cell signal. hahaha Yes she is thinking about you. Girls really aren't very much different (well thats a lie) but in this case its the same. Simple answer is you are on her mind. As far as going on to strong, its possible. However, some girls like all the attention while others can see it as a turn off. You have made it sound like you are the only one calling/texting but you did say she called before the flight. (This is again an indication she is thinking of you because she wanted to get one last goodbye in while she knew she could.) If it were me I would continue but I may slow down on the routine of texting in the am and calling in the pm. Don't be predictable. This will help shake things up so shes not expecting it helping to give an illusion of you slowing down. Hope it works out. Good luck!
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