loosingmymind Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 hi all, i dont know how to deal with my situation anymore. i met this chick online like a yr and half ago after one yr we met and we were deeply in love. got engaged after a yr and decided to marry after 8 month then she had to go to another country to take a class for 5 month, and thats when everything went down hill. she started being careless, sarcastic, lessen her calls and wouldn't care if i called or not while she used to go crazy if i used to be late to reply her massages she seemed to be avoiding me. i talked to her couple times that if she is not interested anymore we can break it up or be friends and she used to cry over the phone and tell me no she loves me and she wants me. 2 month after her being there, i went to see her for xmas vacation. she was so cold and she seemed to be other than the girl i knew. tried breaking up with her while being over there but all she did was crying and telling me she loves me and wants me. 2 month after i came back from my vacation things started to change again. she is more caring she calls more she says i love u more and she wants me to call her all the time. kept asking her about the reason why things went that bad and she tells me that she doesnt even know and i cant get over this cause i got really hurt while i still love her im tryin to forget but i always have this thing on my mind why did she do all of that what coulda been happened. is she gonna do it again. any suggestions? thx.
Lucky_One Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I don't have a lot of advice, because I read back over your old threads and am still shocked that you married her over Christmas but still have all of these issues such as trust, jealousy or commitment. Good luck, though.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 honetly coming from a girls point of view, i think somtimes girls need attention 24/7 and where ever there is little room lacking the attention a girl will find it else where especially cause she was so far and had so much time away from you. Benn there done that long distance stuff and its so hard and eventually i moved on seeing somone closer, it was harder for me to deal with constantly worrying about whats he doing whose he with etc... the only thing i can think of is maybe she was kinda talking to somone else it could have been innocent i dont know that but a girl will always ALWAYS....Find a guy to keep her company....my opinion...it could have just started off as a friendship that lead to a lil more once again i dunno im just trying to look at her actions from what you wrote and think about why i would have done that you know.... i really hope it helps, i think if everything is ok now and you really know she loves you with all her heart and will NEVER EVER LEAVE you then your fine....if theres still somthing itching at you regarding the past i would dig deeper somtimes that lil itch could lead to somthing.....
Author loosingmymind Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 [COLOR=#545454]i keep trying to digg deeper and deeper to get an answer but i never get the answer i donno if there is gonna be a way to know cause im not being able to forget the past without knowing the reason for her actions and i donno if there is ever gonna be a way to know the truth since we got married and we gonna be together in 2 month. the other thing that i keep asking my self is, if there was another guy in her life or somebody else creeping in my place while i wasn't there. why would she marry me while i was on xmas vacation and at the same time she was trying to avoid me.[/COLOR] [COLOR=#545454]also one more thing which i keep asking my self why didnt she break up with me when i did ask her couple times to do it and all she did was crying and promising me to change and that she loves me. [/COLOR]
Bearandsue Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I think you should try talking to her about it, i know its not a guy thing to do but....LDR are super hard been in one for two years now and sometimes you get frustrated and just need some space. Talk to her about what you are feeling. You need good communincation in a relationship and even more so in a Long distance relationship. IMO
Nicodaemos Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 You said everything was fine till she left, after being married to each other. It was probably having you so near to her, and then when she was on her own, she didnt realize the effect it would have on her. Im sure you went throught the same thing, just reacted to it differently. Everyone is different, everyone thinks, and works differently. If things are going better now, and she cant explain why she acted the way she did, maybe its because even she doesnt really know why. Think about it, you two were still relatively newly married, and had prolly just been getting used to being around each other every day, every night, and also the psycological mindset of being married to each other. Then, you two seperate for outside reasons, now, there is no touch, no voice, no smell, nothing. Maybe words on a screen, a distorted voice over a speaker, and an image that when you go to touch, just causes you to bump you hand into plastic. In a time when development of daily life are just becoming settled, everything changed in your, and her, life. I am not surprised that she behaved strangely. I believe that she truly does love you, always has, and still does, and I also believe that she may not completely understand why she felt, and acted the way she did. Talk about everything, dont hold anything back, and dont hide or sugarcoat things. Use this time to form a deep, understanding connection with each other. There is no longer an intuitive feel for the other person. Neither of you can instantly tell when the other person is in a mood, or has had a bad day. The only way you, or her, can know anything is if you specifically type it out to each other. Island Girl has gone through the same thing, marriage, then seperation. Read what she has told people, she is typically right on for advice and understanding. Be patient with each other, and dont give up just because of a misunderstanding. Some things just cant be explained.
Author loosingmymind Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 thx for ur reply bro. i thought about this that it could be a reason, but then i keep asking my self why did she act so cold when i went to see her after her being there for 2 month. she was so cold she didnt show any effort to make things work while i was doing my best and asking her and talking to her also trying to comfort her she was a different girl a girl that i didnt know and i cant explain that to my self till now. i mean if distance was a reason for feeling like this but during my vacation i was with her and still she acted the same. she only started changing a month after i left.
Nicodaemos Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Well, two months isnt a long time overall. Maybe with you two seperating when you did, then that short amount of time later you are back, then gone again, maybe her subconscious mind hadnt been able to process and accept everything. When military spouses come back on leave for a week, or if they are lucky two weeks, alot of them expect things to go wonderful and perfectly. Almost everyone that expects that, finds it a time of stress, worry, and leads one or both to anger, sadness, or actions they would normally never do. A short visit like yours, after so many MASSIVE life changes, getting married, a short time to just start getting used to each other, then seperation, followed by when she may have ben accepting her bed being empty and alone, again, you show up for a visit. It may have been that constant change, with no time to settle, could have put her under a huge amount of stress. When she was acting that way before you were there, did you think that things would just suddenly change because you were there now? How long were you there? Only a short while, which means that maybe she could only see you leaving in a while. Not that she wanted you to, but the opposite. She wanted you to stay, but knew that you wouldnt be able to. That may have made her bitter, but she probably didnt even realize it was how she felt. The unanswered questions are tha absolute worst kind. I have many about my recent breakup, and wish I could get something, but I know that most likely I will never get any. If your relationship is smoothing out, and things are settling again, then try to set it aside as stress. Remember, you are not her and vice versa. Both of you will react differently to the same situations. Its one of the things that makes people want to be with each other. Maybe tell her 'You understand she was under alot of stress from so many things going on in your lives at that time, and while you felt it too, it made you feel like she had pushed you aside. But. You understand that she really didnt mean to do that, and that its ok. As long as you two dont let one issue push apart something that has lasted for 2 half years already. Dont make it feel like its her fault, cause most likely, it wasnt her directly. You cant fault someone for the way they think. Its what makes them who they are. Sometimes there just isnt an answer.
Author loosingmymind Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 i donno man but there are some lil things that she used to do which she stopped doing and one of the things was like suddenly she stopped telling me anything about her life even when i was there i mean i could go to see her at her break when she have skool but she would rather be with her friends. while we walking together or she is sitting with me she doesnt talk at all i mean i donno somethings that sounds like somebody fell out of love or met somebody else.
Nicodaemos Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Give time, and keep talking to her, tell her everything, that you thinkin, feeling. Maybe she is tryin to fill that lonelyness she is feeling by hanging around with friends. I dunno, I dont think you have to worry about her cheating. You two have known each other for a while, are married, so dont give up hope. She might just need time is all, to adjust. Really, I dont know, cause i aint her. I hope things go well for you two. dont give up hope though.
Author loosingmymind Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 hey bro thx again for the advice. u know one thing happened with me today and i dont wanna think in a bad way but she was visiting my parents and she slept over. anyways we were talking and everything was fine and before she went to sleep i called her again and once i said hello she started crying then when i asked her y is she crying, she said that everything there reminds her of me she cant stand being far from me anymore she loves me and she wants me and wants to be with me soon then later on she sends me a text message saying that every day passes by she is getting attached to me more and she is loving me more and im the only thing she needs in this life. of course i was so happy to hear that and i told her how much i love her but then later on the idea of her crying reminded me of the past and made me start thinking about could she cried cause maybe she felt she did something bad like cheating or anything cause she never cried before when she missed me that much.
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