Scarlett513 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 So I was dating a guy for a few months up until this weekend. Everything was going fine, actually pretty well, or so I thought, and I was under the impression that he was more into it than I was. Until he just disappeared on me (no, I didn't mention marriage, or even exclusivity). Actually we had a semi-tiff but it was nothing I thought was the end of our "fling" or whatever you'd like to call it. Canceled plans (cause of the tiff), vanished, and when I tried to get in touch I was just flat-out ignored. Now, no biggie, it was only 2 months and nothing serious so I'm not too torn up. But I do feel I deserve more respect than that... The thing is I've been noticing guys doing this a lot lately, and not just with me. My roommate's boyfriend literally just disappeared, and my best friend's boyfriend of 7 years just slowly faded away with no explanation. And that's just in the past few months! I don't mean to bash guys, I guess girls do this sometimes too, but personally when I end a relationship I let the other person know. I think it is disrespectful to that person not to do so. Not to mention, having been on the other end, it makes you feel so disposable, like you were so worthless that you didn't even deserve a "hey, you won't be seeing me anymore." So I guess partly this is a rant but my questions are these: Am I expecting too much or is this just the norm? I understand it's awkward to break off a relationship but isn't just ignoring a person crazy rude? And how do you get over someone who just vanished? I watched my roommate go crazy wanting "closure" that he just wasn't going to give her. So what do you do to move on from that?
The Blue Pill Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I'm sorry to hear that you weren't treated with the respect that everyone deserves. Perhaps he thought that the "tiff" was more important than you did. Maybe he took serious offense to something you thought was trivial, and didn't want to proceed with the relationship at that point? Then again, maybe an outside factor influenced his decision. It's hard to say. Maybe his friends talked him out of it, or he had a better offer on the table. Could be anything.
kdark Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Get used to it. There have been lots of talk on this board about this topic lately. It's happened to me many times, I've done it a few times, it's common practice so it seems. At least where I live it is.
mr.dream merchant Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 In those guys' defense, sometimes its easier for them to just fade away then try and break things off with their GF. When you let them know "hey things aren't working, I want to go our separate ways" you usually have to deal with alot of emotional tension, and a plethora of questions - the who's, why's, what's, when's, and how's. Its just more of a headache to do it that way than to fade away. Now me, I'll let you know, but that's as far as I'm going to go. I will not sit and take up time with pointless emotional tension and questioning. I'll tell you what the situation is, why I feel that way, and then be on my way.
Isolde Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Not fun, I'm sorry. But in a way, this breakup is easy on you--you know you guys are clearly incompatible as you don't share the same beliefs about communication.
Author Scarlett513 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 Don't get me wrong, I don't believe in long, drawn-out, dramatic scenes either. When I end things, I don't give them and I don't expect them back, unless it's been a serious committed relationship. If its been only a date or two, I might just disappear myself, but for anything longer than that, I do think a heads-up is pretty much standard, no?
Hersheys Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I'm in the same boat right now. I can totally relate. Early stages of dating but things ended abruptly. Like we just disappeared on each other also caused by a tiff. I want to know if there's still any possibility of us getting together again or at least renewing contact / communication? I haven't tried contacting him as I'm scared of getting rejected.
You'reasian Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Everything was going fine, actually pretty well, or so I thought, and I was under the impression that he was more into it than I was. I think he read the writing on the wall and bailed on you.
IcemanJB Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 People who just disappear like that are spineless cowards. It's never happened to me, but if it did, I would lose any respect I had for the girl. On the contrary, in my last breakup we were very respectful and open, and left nothing unsaid. Because of this, I have a ton of respect for that girl, and she's demonstrated that she respects me a ton as well. It's a good feeling. It just seems so selfish and cowardly to simply disappear without even saying anything. FYI I'm referring to committed relationships here...
tincanman99 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Its not a nice thing to do to anyone. I think its very, very disrespectful. I hate to say this but women do this just as much as do men. It happened to me with a coworker a few months ago. We were flirting with each other for better part of 6 months. Than I finally worked up the courage to ask her out as I was transferring to a new area. She was upset she wouldnt see me anymore. Anyway we went out a bunch of time for about a month and a half. Had a wonderful time and clicked. Heavy duty make out sessions. Our final date I took her to a nice restaurant and a concert. After that she totally flaked out on me. I contacted her a few times and no response at all. Nothing. I even tried to make it easy on her and told her if she doesnt want to see me just tell me. Still nothing. Than I gave up and let it go. Ironically for the past few months when I do see her I she tries to talk to me but I wont reciprocate. I just say hi and keep going. I feel like a fool, why would I waste time on her again? Like I said its not a nice thing to do to someone.
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