peachtree71 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 First of all my name is Tami. I am a 37 year old woman with a husband of 6 years and 3 teenagers. OK, here is my problem: This is hard to explain but bear with me!! My husband recently (within the last 2 months or so) has been re-connecting with people from his past via Facebook. He started talking via phone, IM and text message to one of his old freinds (who happens to be a woman) on a daily basis. Our cell phone bill from 1/6 thru 2/6 he and she texted each other a total of 862. 862???? WTF? He swears up and down that they are JUST friends but something deep down inside me tells me different. Dont get me wrong, he has NEVER given me any reason to not trust him but I don't. I confronted him about her back in mid-February when he would not let me see his cell phone. I asked him if he was talking or texting another girl and he said "Yes I am because she will listen to me when you won't".....At that point he told me that he did not even know if he was IN love with me anymore....Needless to say that night I called this other girl. She told me pretty much the same thing he did - that NOTHING bad was being said in text or on phone - She said they just had alot of reminising to do - It has been over 20 years. I am guilty of going into his e-mails, his Facebook account, and looking at the cell phone records online. I am SO ashamed for doing it but I am so worried that he is cheating (whether emotional cheating) or not. Oh, I should let you know that he has not talked on the phone or text the other girl since the blow up between us. He still chats with her at work and he told me that. He also said that she has been married for 20 years and they just rant to each other. Now, there is the background - I am driving myself insane by making things up in my head....Is there any advice out there to help me thru this? P.S. He is suppose to be going out to CA in June to get together with "buddies" he has re-connected with on Facebook. I am scared to death SHE will be there...He did not even ask if I wanted to go. Thanks to everyone in advance!
The Blue Pill Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 ^No. Don't use entrapment as a way to deal with your issues. You should be able to tell if things are not as they should be on your own.
sugarmomma Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 If it don't fit you must acquit (i think i spelled it right). Leave him alone and trust him I have a male friend and we talk for hours but that doesn't change how i feel about my mate. Stop looking for things and get busy living your own life and fill that time working out or some other hobby. he will see that you are not so focused on what hes doing and may come and talk to you about her. Its probably nothing. men like to know that they are being trusted and besides it will bring you some peace of mind. Stop disturbing your own peace!!!
Cal999 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 I think if you are a male then you kind of know that what he's doing is very selfish & he's acting like a high school boy - you don't really say if this lady was an ex or just a friend, were they lovers back then? 862 texts in 24 hours? If it's 24 hours then that's a friggin world record He also said that the other lady listens to him (meaning you don't) & that he doesn't know if he loves you anymore...that's quite a chilling situation and on top of that he's going to CA in June to get together with "buddies" he has re-connected with on Facebook??? That's a hint right there peachtree. Is he serious??? Sorry to be so blunt but I think getting a hobby won't ease the situation - it's like taking drugs, once the high is gone you still have to deal with your problems, they won't just go away by avoiding them for a while. Tell him to take you with to meet his 'buddies' in June.
Author peachtree71 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 Thanks everyone for the advice - To make one correction, it was over 800 text messages in a MONTH not a 24 hr period. As far as I know this woman was JUST a friend back then. She was like one of the guys - that type. I should have put this in my first post but for a month or so I got into a routine of coming home, cleaning a little, cooking dinner and then going into the bedroom and watching the shows I like but he doesn't. I did not realize I was isolating myself from him and the family until he brought it up a month or so ago which was at the same time he said he wasn't sure if he was IN love with me and that he and her had been talking due to me not being there for him - He says that they talked about him and I and she was just an ear that would listen - And of course reminicing the past. Needless to say since he brought all of that up at once, I have made a point to be more intune with him. I tell him how much he means to me, I pay attention to him, hell even sex has gotten alot better. I asked him last night if he wanted to grow old together and if he TRULY loved me and without hesitation he said "Yes of course I do"......Made me feel alot better. I also brought the trip to CA up and said "If we can afford the trip WE will have so much fun" and he said "Yep we sure would".....Again no hesitations. Really the only thing that keeps eating at me is me knowing that he and her still chat at least once a day. I am sure it is innocent but still.....I suppose if there was really something going on he would have NOT told me that he chats with her, he would have said "Nope no contact at all" or something to that affect..... Thinking out loud.....UGHHHH - WHY am I doing this to myself???? We also started marriage counseling - We have only been twice and other little things got brought up and I have not had a chance to bring all of this up - This is for our next visit.....
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