stovepipe Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Its been one month to the day that I started NC. She emailed me at work today. Asked me why I wasn't speaking to her, what she could have done that was so awful that I would have just started ignoring her. She said she didn't expect me to answer her today or even tomorrow...but someday. 20 minutes later I get another email from her asking for me to go to break with her and he please talk to me. I didn't respond to either. The emails actually pissed me off to be honest. She feels guilty, she knows damn well why I'm doing what I'm doing. I've been angry since I got the first email, angrier throughout the day....I'm even angry now. I was doing great. Now I'm just PO'd.
Geishawhelk Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Good. Good, good, good. It's better than reading: "Gosh I'm hurting so bad, I really feel like talking to her, I love her so much but it hurts, I think I'm going to reply tomorrow, and maybe have a coffee with her......" That would be both valid, and understandable, and I would see why you'd feel like doing that, but it would be unproductive and ultimately, soul-destroying.... Instead, you're Angry. Now, admittedly, that's not a healthy emotion to harbour, nurture and grow. Because it's very self-damaging. It makes you bitter, and frankly, no good to anyone - especially yourself..... But Anger is good, at this point. Keep a grain of it, in case she actually comes to 'visit' you at work. It would take courage on her part to do that.... Misguided and foolish, definitely. But courage. So if she does, before she gets a chance to say anything, just cut her off with: "Unless what you have to say is work-related, I'll tell you now, don't waste your breath". Then keep doing what you were doing, and ignore her.
msjules Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I think anger is your friend at this point in the process. Anger will help you keep your distance from her. It will keep you strong. Your anger is telling you that something is wrong with her and wrong with your relationship with her. Anger is not always a bad thing. Left to fester for long periods of time, yes, it can be toxic. But for now, and for a short amount of time, it will serve you well. You are still doing great. In fact, you are doing marvelously.
gavinus Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Anger is good, don't reply, I did with my ex and it was a bad mistake, people change through pain, be strong
The Blue Pill Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Hell yeah, it should make you feel great that she's "crawling" back to you. It's a mental game that she lost, and since there were only 2 people playing, you won! Congratulations! If you want nothing to do with her, then find a way of telling her that politely. Meanwhile, throw a party inside because you came out on top.
Author stovepipe Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 at this point I don't want anything to do with her. I explained to mutual friends of ours that I do not want them to take sides, that it is what it is. I don't speak bad about her, I don't speak about her at all to them. She was my best friend and she crushed me then used me when I was at my weakest. It took me a long time to come to that realization, it was my time during NC that I actually had time to think clearly.
Peter_pan Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 yeah why the F do girls do that. "oh i did nothing wrong" pisses me off
a_f_w Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I know what you mean, the stress and anger comes back when something like that happens, but just be sure that you don't reply and the feeling should pass in a day or two. I wouldn't contact her to explain that you want nothing to do with her (if that's what you were suggesting you need to do some time). That message will be clearer if you say nothing at all
Author stovepipe Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 Yesterday she emailed someone from my department asking if they needed help with a project I am leading. I explained to them no, that we had enough help and I didn't want too many hands in it. Low and behold today, her boss and my boss come to my desk and say that she will be helping. She emailed me a few times about things, purely work related and I obviously had to respond to those emails. That was the first contact of any kind work related or not I've had with her in over a month. I didn't want this to happen, but it is what it is, she weazeled her way back in some fashion. I'm not happy about it but at this point I just have to roll with the punches and hope she doesn't try to bring anything up other then work.
blondesmiler Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Anger is good, if you use it too focus yourself rather than beating yourself up inside. So the saying "I'll show her what she is missing" or something and then get yourself the most amazing life, change your look, get fit.....after you have done all this, you probably won't give a s!!t about her or what she thinks because time will have passed and you'll be far too busy too!! )
lovestory5 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 People should love each other, but not cause pain.
BCCA Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Anger is the second to last stage or recovery from a breakup. Eventually, when the anger subsides, you just wont care enough to even get upset. What she sent you is pretty typical. A lot of dumpers, and honestly - mainly women, live in the realm of 'presumable deniability'. Its the same reason women go over guys house's at midnight and say they didnt know they were going to have sex before they got there. As long as, even if only to her, she can look herself in the mirror and say she 'doesnt know' why youre mad, she doesnt have to feel guilty. Shes making herself believe that it is YOU thats being hurtful, because thats easier for her to deal with. She knows what she did, trust me. She just doesnt want to look it in the face, OR - here it comes, she can rationalize to herself that it wasnt 'that bad' or that if she was in your shoes, she would be ok with it. Another annoying trick Ive came accross is the old 'imaginairy hypothetical', in which people go 'well if it was me I wouldnt care', knowing the whole time that they cant really say that unless there were in the same position, and arent in it. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE Youll thank yourself later.
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