lnknprkfn Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Well... I've been trying to find advice with a certian situation, and have tried just about everything else I can think of to get advice... This is my last resort. I've been with a guy for about 10 months now. He's 31 and I'm 20. Because of finacial reason and what have you he two of us both live with our parents... My parents are pretty cool... let me do whatever, I'm allowed out late whenever I want, I'm not restricted like a lot of people are when they move back home. The only downfall is, that a bunch of crap happened a few weeks ago, and now my boyfriend isn't allowed over here... Well, his parents are completly different from mine... In some ways I think his mother is going to be our downfall... he doesn't have his own vehicle and so he has to use hers to come pick me up or whatever.... And just because I want to hang out more often than her liking I'm needy, immature, and everything else... It's almost like she dosen't want us to be together. all of this in turn is hurting both of us pretty bad, and it feels as if I'm always doing things to upset his mom or whatever... If I ever get any of my friends to do the driving to pick him up and go out she complains about that even... It's like we're only allowed to see eachother 2 times a week as far as she's conserned, and I just don't know what to do... I mean we've been together for a pretty long time... Isn't it only natural to want to see eachother more often?
manugeorge Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 On one hand, her house, her rules unless he's paying rent. Some parents are just like that, you could be 100 years old, as long as you live under their roof, you will live by their rules. On the other hand, I would re-direct your attention to the mama's boy who will only do what his mama tells him. But again, the flip side is, its her house, her car, I'm not sure there is much he can do as long as he lives with her. Maybe you can try to get on her good side. Bake some cookies or something, take it over and have a nice chat with her.
Author lnknprkfn Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 hai! You are right on these things. It is her house her rules ect... but it's like he's her little slave or something... If he's not there to cator to her every whim all h3Ll breaks loose >,< like... he and I were down visiting my dad one weekend, and she got mad because he wasn't home to take the trash out. And yeah he does pay rent and such....
Star Gazer Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 You said you're both living with your parents for financial reasons. And yet he's paying rent to his mother. I don't understand that. If he's paying rent to his mother, why can't he pay rent and live on his own, or with a roommate(s)? A 31 year-old, carless man who lives at home with his mother is not relationship material, IMO. Quite frankly, I'm not surprised he's decided to date someone so much younger than he is. At his age, that's probably his only option... someone with few expectations.
Author lnknprkfn Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 I do understand what you are saying... but he doesn't get enough money to get his own place, and nor do I at the moment.... We live in a seasonal area, and finding regular work is like pulling teeth this time of year. After Memorial day once things start opening, it will be easier on both of us... It's a really f'd up situation he's in....
manugeorge Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 But you see, all of that becomes moot, once he's out of her house and supports himself. As a person who went through numerous ups and down while living at home, I can attest to it that the easiest and fastest way to resolve those issues is just to move out on your own, even if it involves living with 5 roommates, I'll take that than to live with my parents again. They drove me nuts!. Now, we maintain a friendly and mutually respectful relationship. They have no say in my affairs anymore. Beggars can't be choosers, right now, I'm sorry to say, you are the beggar, so you may just have to put up or shut up. In the mean time, warm up to his mother, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Suck up to her, maybe she'll cut you some slack.
Lucky_One Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 You said you're both living with your parents for financial reasons. And yet he's paying rent to his mother. I don't understand that. If he's paying rent to his mother, why can't he pay rent and live on his own, or with a roommate(s)? A 31 year-old, carless man who lives at home with his mother is not relationship material, IMO. Quite frankly, I'm not surprised he's decided to date someone so much younger than he is. At his age, that's probably his only option... someone with few expectations. Ditto. As a mom, I'd probably have short patience with a son who wants to use my car all the time to go see his (very) young GF. It's my car, I pay the insurance, I pay the gas, and I own it for MY convenience.
Author lnknprkfn Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Ditto. As a mom, I'd probably have short patience with a son who wants to use my car all the time to go see his (very) young GF. It's my car, I pay the insurance, I pay the gas, and I own it for MY convenience. That's very true... But on the other hand... He does a lot around there. It's not like he is just living off his parents. He does pleanty to earn his keep and then some.
Lucky_One Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Then he can do plenty around his own place while he saves money to buy his own vehicle.
Star Gazer Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Why do you think he - a grown man - is entitled to use his mother's car? It's HER car for HER use at HER convenience. Not his.
Sam Spade Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Women hate each other (men politely ignore each other). Let's not forget that all mothers are wackos - they're all of the opinion that no woman is worth their son, which is whack. If I was his mom, I'd totally be proud of ma' boy for wooing a young chick
Lucky_One Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Women hate each other (men politely ignore each other). Let's not forget that all mothers are wackos - they're all of the opinion that no woman is worth their son, which is whack. If I was his mom, I'd totally be proud of ma' boy for wooing a young chick But would you be totally proud of ya boy who is 31 already and still doesn't have a place of his own or his own car?
allina Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 a bunch of crap happened a few weeks ago, and now my boyfriend isn't allowed over here... I'm interested in hearing about what the "crap" that happened is? It sounds like his mom is frustrated with him being 30 and still living at home, she may see him dating a 20 year old as yet another symptom of him refusing to grow up and live an adult, independent life.
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