NYgirlinLA Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I slowly started speaking and hanging out with my ex again for the past 2 months. We have been broken up for 4 months. We were taking our time and reconnecting. A mutual friend told me 3 weeks ago he told her how great I was and he missed me and was hoping to date me again and was working on making that happen. Then a week ago we ended up sleeping together. It was great, not awkward at all, and he has made an effort to spend more time with me. We spent the entire day out this Saturday together. We didn't talk about what happened and didn't sleep together once the day was over. I said goodbye and went home. Today, my friend just told me that she just heard he was dating multiple right now. She doesn't know much, just found out, and wanted to let me know. I understand I can't be mad at him for dating other women since we are not back together and have not had the talk about us yet, but what the hell?? How is dating other women "working on dating me again?" He asked me to hang out this week and I don't know what to do now that I know this. Do I have to accept that since we have been broken up for 4 months I may have to accept that he is dating other people and now I am in the game? I want to be with him, but I can't even fathom competing. I have dated other people too but not while him and I have started hanging out again, and I definitely would not have slept with him had I known. Should I just back off and see if he is willing to work to be with me? Does it mean something that he is still making effort to see me - or am I on the backburner? Do I tell him I know he is dating others and while I don't have a right to be mad, I am not going to casually date him so he can make up his mind? I wouldn't mind so much if we hadn't slept together. I am trying to be a woman about this and go about it the best way I can, but I am upset. Especially since I let him be intimate with me again. It took a lot for me to be that vulnerable with him again. Any advice would be appreciated.
SummerSun Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Men hate being pushed into anything, and if you have 'the talk' too early I fear he will run. I would say he is interested in you, but you can't push this to move any faster. I think it will have to move at his pace. You do however have to look after yourself, and if you can't handle sleeping together when not in a 'committed' relationship then tell him that - but make it light, it's for you remember. Tell him you are interested in seeing where this can go again, but that you have to protect yourself and you know that you can't handle casual sex but that you do want to continue seeing him. He probably jsut need to 'relax' back into a relationship with you.
Author NYgirlinLA Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 Thanks. It's been 5 days and my ex still hasn't called to make plans this week like he said he would. Now out of nowhere I have been asked out on a date by another guy who I just met, who knows my ex. They have mutual friends but are not buddies in anyway. I don't even think this guy knows I used to date my ex. This is the first date I have been asked out on in 5 months and I want to go. Since I heard my ex is also seeing a couple of girls now, should I accept this man's dinner invitation? I plan on this date being pretty harmless, but I am sure my ex will hear about it, and I don't want him to think I am not willing to see where things go for us, but at the same time, I don't want to sit around waiting while my ex figures out what to do while he continues to date. I feel this could go two ways - It could burn any last remaining bridge I have with my ex, or it could motivate him. I don't think I am doing anything wrong since he is seeing multiple right now. It would just be easier if they didn't know each other. Should I go out on the date? And continue to hang out w my ex??
SummerSun Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Yes, go on the date - just don't lead him on and make sure nothing 'happens' as otherwise that will get back to your ex.....you have nothing to lose, and you never know, the new guy might end up being 'the one'.........
Author NYgirlinLA Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 Thanks, Summer! Nothing is going to happen, I am not ready to be intimate with anyone else so this is going to be pretty harmless, but I think I am going to have fun with this new guy. I am happy to be noticed again and this new guy is really nice, cute, and seems to be interested in getting to know me. If my ex hears about it and is upset, just tell him that this guy was nice enough to ask me to dinner and I accepted his invite? I am not trying to lead anyone on here, but I feel it is important for me to not sit and wait. I am just still in love with my ex. That is what makes it difficult. I am not doing anything wrong, am I?
SummerSun Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 You are NOT doing anything wrong. Your ex has not committed to you and so you're not in a relationship. You probably made a bit of an error of judgement when you slept with him again (and I only say that because it doesn't sound as though that is what you want from a relationship or men). Until your ex gives you some form of indication that YOU are the only girl and you are dating exclusively, only then should you stop dating other men. Have fun and enjoy the attention, just don't let being hung up about your ex spoil the night with someone else. Try and put him out of your mind.
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