Jen22 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years now, and I'm 24. He was my first, and I love him sooo much. We have been living together, along with his family, for the past 4 years due to various circumstances. Throughout the relationship I have had small crushes on other people, but nothing major that would make me want to break up. During the summer of 2006 we broke up, I finally had a chance to see what else was in the universe for me, but in the end, I ended up back with my BF. Sex has never been awesome with him, but I used to see past it. During that summer I found out that I'm a complete sex maniac, but when i'm with my BF, I never want to do it. He had a few hook ups during that summer as well, and he says that he doesn't have that problem with other woman, but with me, I just don't get aroused. We recently broke up, for various reasons, and i have the opportunity to talk to soemone who really could be a good catch for me, but I still live with my ex, and I really would like to know how to like sex with him, so we could be together, i just don't know what to do anymore.... Please help! P.S. The other guy i'm super attracted to!
Geishawhelk Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Ok, stop. Listen very carefully to what I'm going to tell you: You cannot have your BF AND another guy. This is just completely wrong, misguided, dishonest and plain nasty. The plain fact of the matter is, that you and your BF have moved out of the compatibility stakes, because you decided to play the field, and have discovered that sex with other guys is more awesome. Your relationship has become closely platonic. But it's over, as far as the relationship is concerned. Are you reading me? IT'S OVER. So you do the decent thing. You stay broken up with your BF, you remain good friends with him, but you move on, and out, and do your thing. In which ever way you want. Ok, so you're a 'sex maniac'. There's nothing wrong in getting your sexual kicks, but do this sensibly and wisely: Always use protection, both for you and from the guy (belt and braces, double insurance job) and check yourself out regularly for STDs. If you want to take it up a notch and do lap dancing, pole dancing or become an escort, that too, is up to you. But you can't play people, and you can't have your cake and eat it too.... you can't decide to want to live with someone within a comfort zone, but have sex with other guys. Not unless you both decide you're completely happy with a polyandric relationship. That is, you live under one roof, and have multi partners, (both of you) and your partners can have other partners too.... Boy, that's an emotional minefield.....! No. Decide. It's him. Or someone else. But not both.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 He had a few hook ups during that summer as well, and he says that he doesn't have that problem with other woman, but with me, I just don't get aroused. We recently broke up, for various reasons, and i have the opportunity to talk to soemone who really could be a good catch for me, but I still live with my ex, and I really would like to know how to like sex with him, so we could be together, i just don't know what to do anymore.... Please help! P.S. The other guy i'm super attracted to! You need to break up with him! Seriously, spending one more day like that is a total waste of both your lives.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 P.S. The other guy i'm super attracted to! Then break up with your bf and go after the other guy. you sound too superficial for a committed relationship
Author Jen22 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Hey guys- I didn't mention this before, but I never said i was having sex with two people- I'm not doing the do with anyone right now
Dexter Morgan Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Then break up with your bf and go after the other guy. you sound too superficial for a committed relationship Correction, not superficial......fickle.
Geishawhelk Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Hey guys- I didn't mention this before, but I never said i was having sex with two people- I'm not doing the do with anyone right now And nobody has suggested you ARE having sex with two people right now. What we're saying is that you can't expect to live with your BF, AND have a separate sexual relationship with this other dude - or anyone else that follows, for that matter.... Like I said in my previous post, you and your BF have outgrown each other. Go your separate ways, so that you both have a healthy sex life - AND remain friends.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Let your XBF go. Seriously, if the sexual chemistry is not there, it never will be. Trust me. There isn't a dang thing you can do to change that. It's a biological response from your body based on several factors. And you just simply can't change biology.
Scum Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Another point is that some men are not as sexually driven as others. I am not surprised that you want it more than him, it happens. He says he doesn't have that problem with other woman, only with you. My guess is its a lie to keep his ego intact or the excitement of a new situation could be stimulating to him and will wear off over time. If he doesn't meet your needs, looks like you have a new option. It could be awkward since you still live with the ex, but its your life and he wasn't the right guy. Good luck!
Author Jen22 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 He isn't the one with the problem, I am. His performance is fine, it just takes time for me to get aroused. I normally don't have that problem.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Another point is that some men are not as sexually driven as others. I am not surprised that you want it more than him, it happens. He says he doesn't have that problem with other woman, only with you. My guess is its a lie to keep his ego intact or the excitement of a new situation could be stimulating to him and will wear off over time. In my experience, and i'm sure you'll see this as ego stroking, but there was only one woman that I have ever been with that rarely orgasmed. And the very few times she did, it took quite a while. Luckily I can hold off. Frigidity does exits.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I don't have orgasms So then any guy, according to Scum, that is with you, but all the other women they are with can have orgasms....they are just ego stroking. But then again, her sig says it all. so you can't even have them by masturbating?
Dexter Morgan Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 yeah, I can. So you just can't have them with intercourse?
Author Jen22 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 yeah- but the main point is it's not exciting with my BF (ex)- I'm not sure if I built up low expectations of not having the Big O with him , which is why it doesn't happen, or it's just impossible...
Scum Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I miss read your post. Sorry about that. I read it that he did not get aroused by you. My fault. In that case my post doesn't apply other than the last line: If he doesn't meet your needs, looks like you have a new option. It could be awkward since you still live with the ex, but its your life and he wasn't the right guy. By the way Dexter Morgan, i'm male.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 By the way Dexter Morgan, i'm male. Well you write like a woman.
Scum Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Well you write like a woman.your skill in judging someone through text isn't honed yet. But that would be an amazing talent...I guess?
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