flouie1130 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I have been with this girl for 3.5 yrs(our first love). I am 23. Everything was great, compassionate, understanding, pretty grounded, until about a couple months ago. She said she was depressed and started to hang out with these new friends. She kept going over to this guys(coworker) house and I let her because I trusted her. A couple weeks after that I found all these text and myspace messages that suggested something was going on. I confronted her about it and she accused me of being untrusting and that she would never do that. So I felt stupid for even asking her about it. She deleted her myspace and stop talking to him as much after a few more weeks. She then started to hang out with a new guy friend through college. Thought he was my friend too. Her and I got into a fight a couple weeks ago and she just dumped me stating I stressed her out too much. Now I know you guys don't know me, but I truly did whatever I could for her, I trusted her, gave her attention when she wanted it and space when she needed it. Needless to say I loved her a whole lot. After being dumped I assume that I was crowding her. I kept in touch with the new friend to see how she was and he said he would help me get her back. I found out a week later that after I got dumped the day after he confessed his "love for her" and she denied him for a second, but ended up going out with him. I also found out that the friend she kept seeing months ago; they were actually "together" too. they were also She told me she is happy now and she was miserable with me. She never wanted to work things out with me. I feel like I don't even know who I was talking to at that point. We had shared so much during our relationship I found it hard to believe who she became. I hate who she is now, but I cannot get over her, in some sense I still love who she was and it drives me crazy. I still cannot fathom who she has become. We had made future plans etc... too. I even had to drop classes because she and the "new guy" are in the same class. It hurts to see her now all over another guy. Sometimes I feel I want her back, and sometimes I am just disgusted of who she is now. Help and suggestions please.
NJAries Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Thats rough man. Im very sorry to hear about it. I went thru a similar situation years ago and know what its like. First thing i can tell u is that u nor anyone deserves to be treated like that. I know how much it hurts, but u have to realize that she doesnt appreciate or deserve a guy like u. What u do need to do is initiate NC if u havent already and stick to it. One day shell realize what she lost, and by that time itll be too late. Stay strong and keep the faith that things will get bettet. Im goin thru a rough breakup myself right now and some days thats all that keeps me going.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 hey i saw your post and i felt like from a girls point of view i had to reply....i feel like she might be looking for attention in other areas to make herself feel better....does that make sense....? Girls are very needy sometimes and if they feel your giving them less attention they will go somewhere else for it weather its innocent or not...i dunno but I'm definitely guilty of the same things she done in my past. LET ME TELL U SOMETHING that is real talk right here. those who don't leave u when times r hard r the ones who truly love you, its the ones that leave that never loved you at all.....i know its hard when someone you loved walks out without ever looking back you start to think man did she really ever love me at all what has she been doing seeing someone else that it was so easy for her to just walk out like nothing....yes probably id say. Let me tell you something you will find the girl thats right for you and will just know you will feel so safe with her like the way your mom has always made you feel that certain closeness and safety...thats exactly what you'll feel when a girl really loves you. i know i love my bf so much i would never ever want him hurting i will do anything in my power to make him feel secure and that i love him with all of my heart n soul....it's so important to have good constant communication trust me i've deff had my share of bad communication skills....i hope this helps let me know if you have any other questions from a girls perspective...
Author flouie1130 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 I haven't talk to her since I found out, although I still feel the urge to contact her. I completely understand where you are coming from "beautiful," just painful to realize even though she spoke the words of true love; her actions spoke for herself. She is easily influenced by others, I just didn't know it would go like this. I truly did love her, and was there through the rough times in her life. There are so many stories and situations I can remember being there for her. It's interesting that probably none of this crosses her mind because "she is happy right now." I believe she is seeing life "At this moment;" that she missed the bigger picture. Maybe I am all wrong, who knows .
flyguy23 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 you shouldnt ever talk to her or that "friend" again,delete everything you have of her number, facebook, email whatever. nobody deserves that kind of treatment
wooha Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Brother, I would tell you my situation, but there is no need. I am in the exact same boat as you. EXACT. Stay strong, I'm with you-trying my hardest. She'll call soon, whatever you do don't answer like I did. NC!!!!!!!!!!! She will realize her F*CK UP one day. I promise u that.
Author flouie1130 Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 It's been about 3 weeks on NC. I hear from people that she is completely over me; doesn't even mention me. Ouch.
The Blue Pill Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Sorry to hear that. Nice guys finish last, it's unfortunate. My ex changed when she started her job, and started hanging out with the males there. Of course I trusted her, but give someone a new toy and they are going to play with it. She was obviously tired of the long relationship and saw something better somewhere else (your case and mine). It sucks.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 U GUYS SO DONT GET IT!!! ok check this out....i was that girl all girls go through that point in their life they go through guys to fin the one they really like. and it sucks i dont think its right or agree with that sort of behavior now looking back but its the truth....a girl can be the best gf/fiance or wutever as she wants to be to her man it all depends on how much she really likes him thats all it comes down to. a girl will try and do every sneaky thing in the book that her man will let her get away with does that make sence? like talkin to her ex or hanging out with random guy (friends) wutever somtimes a girl needs a guy to lay the ****in smack down and say hey you wanna b with me this is the gf i want to b with..... i was such the social butterfly my bf use to tell me i use to have tons and tons of guy friends mostly body builders and hello now that i look back how disrespectful was i being trying to keep them all included in my life when im starting a new life with somone else you know. i changed so much to be with the guy im with today cus i knew he wasnt going to put up with the old "Sasha" Which i feel horrible i put my ex's through alot of bs and bull**** same things you guys have been put through from your past ex's. all girls do this same **** until they meet the guy they really like and is worth changing for.....does this make sense i tend to ramble just let me know lol
Beautiful Inside Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 think about it love a girl has to have what she wants if she cant get it she will eventually go crazy....so if the guy says f you im leaving i dont want to be with somone like you if the girl really likes you and sees potential trust me shes going to be changing her skanky ways asap!!! lol its the truth.... its the same thing for a guy my bf was the biggest male slut out here or so ive heard lol hes been with alot of girls and that doesnt bother me cus i know he has changed so much to be with me and i totally respect him for that cuase he didnt have to but he did it for respect for me and thats y i changed as well for him....
Author flouie1130 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 Brother, I would tell you my situation, but there is no need. I am in the exact same boat as you. EXACT. Stay strong, I'm with you-trying my hardest. She'll call soon, whatever you do don't answer like I did. NC!!!!!!!!!!! She will realize her F*CK UP one day. I promise u that. What happen when you answered her call? I wish she does realize what has happened between us. It seems she is doing everything in her power to not be reminded of me; like going out with several guys. She was not like this before, it's still shocks me. Again, I know she is easily influenced by others and craves attention, so it's hard for me to see the direction she has gone with this. Makes my stomach turn. Trying to move on but I can't lie, I still check my email to see if she has sent something(most likely would be bad news anyways)
Peter_pan Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 hi mate this is pretty much my story all over, only mine ended a year back. and i was 20. we were together 3.5 also. she sounded like the type of girl yours is. and i treated her well as you also did to your ex. my ex then got a job at a night club and dated the manager weeks after i left our flat. anyway.. she did break NC like 3 times. but only small stuff that didnt matter, like change your address on your letters blah blah. she was being all friendly before she actually told me about her and him. once the cat was out the bag she didnt bother with me at all i did the whole calling thing. and it didnt help. she was calling him her bf and she told me she would be lieing to herself if she came back to me. i was heart broken and still hurts. if you want my advice go into NC. and stick with it. one day she will realise what she did and mean time go and live your life. dont wait around
Author flouie1130 Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 That sounds eerily similar. She sent me an email once after nc to say how she was going to do this anyway and was happy with the new guy.
Knight_Ctrl Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I think OP and I might be the same person. I wasn't with my girl quite so long but my god did I love her....so very much. Then she started backstabbing me, lying to me and then went out with my friend. Later on she told me she wasn't happy with me....which I find extremely hard to believe.
Author flouie1130 Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 I know knight. For the past hour I have been thinking about her nonstop, the way she decieved me. It is so unlike her to be this person. The person who I fell in love with is no longer that person. It is one hard pill to swallow. Again I have trouble moving on because for some reason I believe she is not the person who she is now. I think one day she will come back to her senses. Some days I feel I want her back, other's I feel as if I am almost over her. Still having a hard time with this. The lies and deciet are killing me, I was so trusting of her, and I feel I have been ran over.
exclusive. Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Guys, please don't give others false hope. They're not going to realise what they have done because they don't care about what they have done, and they don't care about you otherwise they wouldn't have done it too. Conclusion; that phone call from her/him is never going to come. Please, do what I haven't and get a life and just stop even caring about her because she's probably out right now spanking some guys arse in her bed sheets and having fun thinking her life is pretty good right now. That's reality. Sorry it's blunt but false hope she will realise she has let someone really special go from her life (me) has kept me clinging for months and its pathetic.
foxh1234 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Guys, please don't give others false hope. They're not going to realise what they have done because they don't care about what they have done, and they don't care about you otherwise they wouldn't have done it too. Conclusion; that phone call from her/him is never going to come. Please, do what I haven't and get a life and just stop even caring about her because she's probably out right now spanking some guys arse in her bed sheets and having fun thinking her life is pretty good right now. That's reality. Sorry it's blunt but false hope she will realise she has let someone really special go from her life (me) has kept me clinging for months and its pathetic. Well put if not a bit blunt. There is no point in thinking they will call or they will come back when they miss us. Chances are that they won't come back and won't call or miss us. Better to start with this reality early on and get back your life. If they do happen to come crawling back ( like mine did ) You can tell them to piss off. We do not need people in our lives folks who disrespect us and throw us away without a thought. Whoever they end up with, we should be thanking our lucky stars we got away from them. If they really loved us, they would still be with us, simple as that. I say **** them. Life is too short, get out there and have fun and we will all meet someone 100 times better.
kizik Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Yes, I agree. The waiting and hoping stops here. Wanna stop being a loser and a crybaby? Then get angry and get off the couch. Your ex sucks. Time to do you.
Knight_Ctrl Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Its true. I've reached a point where yes occasionally I'll just break down and be all desperate and want her back. But I do it alone and it goes away. I KNOW calling her or actively trying to get her back would only hurt me more. Its a matter of knowing whats better over feeling like I want something. Its been excessively hard for me the last few days because I got stuck in a movie theater with her and my "friend" (her new b/f)....that was ridiculous.
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