davidjor Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Well, everytime I come to this board I see the same thing "How do I get my ex back, My ex did this or did that, I am so hurt, i cry all the time" bla bla bla... The list goes on and on... Don't get me wrong i have been heart broken, and thought my world was ending, nothing could get worse. Well, in August of 2008 i was diagnosed with having bladder cancer. Then, just one week ago today I had a heart attack and underwent surgery in outside the united states, in a culture i am not famillar with their medical evelution. However, the surgery was necessary to save my life. I will trade places anyday with someone that is "Only Heart Broken" Really, ask yourself what your going to do when life "Really throws you a curve ball" Put things into perspective people, as to what in life is REALLY IMPORTANT !!
stillafool Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I am so sorry. I hope you have a quick recovery. Do you mind telling me what were your symptons of bladder cancer? I wish you well and I agree a break up is nothing compared to what you have been through.
Author davidjor Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Bladder cancer symptoms are blood in Urine, there are some others however that was the symptom that I had.
playlislay Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Ok, first things first, sorry about your illness, really I am. Unfortunately heart break AND illnesses are a part of life. Both can be equally devastating-yes, heartbreak can be equally as devastating as finding out you have cancer. You have to see it as a death of a relative-or are we not allowed to grieve over that either? I dont mean to sound horrible, believe ot or not I am a very caring person and I understand why you feel the need to post your arguement. I just feel that there are SO many devastating things in life, some are more fortunate than others, we are just here to express how we feel about losng someone that we loved. Life deals out alot of s**t, it just depends the kind of s**t you get thrown. I honestly wish you all the best and good luck for the future. I hope you can wish some of us 'broken hearted' fellows some luck too. Come on dude, share the love ) Take care.
playlislay Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Ok.....after re-reading what I said. Im going to disagree with myself now. I suppose you cant compare cancer to heartbreak, but heartbreak still hurts like hell and it is, how I would put it, like experience the death of a loved one. Sorry if I offended you in any way. I shall still encourage you to share the love though, and I shall send some love to you! :OP
Geishawhelk Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Put things into perspective people, as to what in life is REALLY IMPORTANT !! David, I can completely see where you are coming from. Do me the kindness of reading my post (#21) in THIS thread.... You'll see what I mean. My only comment to you would be to say that it's all relative. Maybe, until you were diagnosed with bladder cancer, and had your heart attack, you also may not have put things into the perspective you can, today. Without the experience, we can only go by the pain we feel. It's all a matter of personal perception. There are countless stories of people who experience extraordinary events, that have the effect of changing their values and Points of View. 7/11 survivors, the passengers on the flight that landed in the Hudson.... they all said that they look at things through a different glass, now..... Without the sh*t hitting the fan, we can't gauge how tough things are, because whatever we're going through, is our personal flying crap. You can't measure levels of suffering and pain. Your experiences have put things into perspective for you, but there may be many who go through the same things you do, and fall to pieces. There may be others who go through the same things you do, yet take it completely philosophically. My father is 87, suffering from constant discomfort due to angina. He also broke his back in 2002, and also had cancerous cells in his bladder. His prostate is enlarged, and he can't move all that well. He had near kidney failure a week ago, due to misdiagnosis of pain killers. I have truly never heard him mention anything about any condition, by way of lament or complaint. It depends on the person. It depends on the character. It depends on the upbringing. It depends on the conditioning. It depends on the experience. It depends on their spirituality. There are many factors that go to making up a person. But each individual is absolutely unique. And every person deserves that consideration. I wish you well. My lamp is lit for you, and I will make votive offerings for your healing and well-being.
sad_panda Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I'm sorry about your illness, but just because you're sick doesn't mean you have any right to belittle other people's problems, especially if such problems involve matters of the heart which are proven to be quite painful.
BCCA Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I definitely know what you mean, and I hope for a speedy recovery for you. Just so you know, for me personally, its not like everything else in my entire life is perfect aside from being dumped 6 months ago. A few months before I was left, my best friend died in my arms. And my father has prostate cancer, my sisters in laws baby died during birth, I just had to lay off some good friends Ive worked with for 5-6 years (knowing that eventually, I may be the one laid off), and put my grandmother into a nursing home because she has sever alzheimers and cannot remember anyone. All of these things have happened right before or since my split. The nature of this board is to discuss relationships, so thats what people do here. You shouldnt assume that everything else is going well, including their health. I feel for you, and hope you the best, and trust me - I know its easy to say 'well I have ALL this stuff too', but that really doesnt make anyone else's pain less real for them. Like Giesha said, its all relative.
Author davidjor Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 My whole point regarding this post, is to have people take a look at what in life is really important, take a look deep down ask yourself "is my life really that bad?" Is "xyz" person leaving me or cheating on me, really as bad or hard to deal with as so many other things that could be happening to you. I still do this, and guess what. Even after all the things I have been through I still feel very blessed every day, because there are allot of people who are way worse off that myself. and guess what, I have had my heart broken a few times. And I can honestly say that i would rather have it happen a thousand times over again, than go through what I have gone through this past year. I guess, what makes my situation unique is because i got dumped... Then 4 months later got diagnosed with cancer then 6 months after that had a heart attack. Funny thing about the whole thing is, that i got an e-mail from the EX yesterday asking me to be her friend, and she hopes I am not mad at her...
Trialbyfire Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 They say that bad luck comes in threes. I'm sorry to hear that so many terrible things have happened to you, especially within such a short span of time. Having said that, I'm trying to grasp why it needed to be illustrated as such. I honestly hope you're not suggesting that other people with heartbreak don't deserve the sympathy, advice, opinion, attention and empathy that people give on LS. If you're providing your insight as a way for people to put their lives into perspective, I can respect that...in the following non-personal manner: Take a look around at the beauty of life and also all the sadness and terrible things. There are people starving and beaten in this world, people suffering from illnesses that make our own difficulties appear small. If you need something to hold onto, to get yourself out of the obsessive loop of sadness and depression, start looking at the things that are good in your life and juxtapose it against how easily it is to lose life, in general. Appreciate your good health and the lack of worries about finding your next meal. We are so fortunate, where many aren't as fortunate.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Im sorry for your health issues. I think this is a great place for people to come to cope with a breakup and everyone here has given me great advice. Everyone feels things differently..I have been through some very devastating events in my life, but a breakup is stilll going to hurt. No, it's not the end of the world, but it surely feels like that to some people. It hurts to lose someone close to you no matter what the circumstances.
msjules Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Well, everytime I come to this board I see the same thing "How do I get my ex back, My ex did this or did that, I am so hurt, i cry all the time" bla bla bla... The list goes on and on... And the reason for that is because this is the "Breaks and Breaking Up" section of LS. This place is custom made for just the kind of thing you seem to not want to read. I suspect you are hurting too, for different reasons, for far more serious reasons. I think your heart is in the right place but your words are a bit harsh, my friend. The people who post here have their own kind of pain, and it is just as real and just as worthy of support as yours. Your issues are more serious, yes, but that does not diminish the pain that others here are feeling. I feel sorry for you if you cannot understand that.
lonelygurl Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I feel very sorry for your health and I'm sure it makes you feel very angry to read here, but to come here and belittle how others feel is not right. That basically says no one should feel any kind of hurt, betrayal or any kind of pain and should always be happy in their life unless they have a terminal illness. Lots of people have it worse and lots have it better. One thing they teach in therapy is to never compare your individual situation with someone elses. This board is here for people who are dealing with heartbreak, which to some can be compared to a loss/grief much like a death. Some of us are dealing with other health issues of our own as well, not just including a heartbreak.
PinkKittyKat Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Holy, bitter much? What will you do when someone else comes in and says "You think YOU have it rough, bladder cancer, don't make me laugh, I AM PARALYSED! At least you can WALK!" Maybe they'd "trade places with you any day". Maybe someone with a severe degenerative illness is in a 3rd world country and has no chance of treatment, and they'd "trade places with you any day". Look, I'm sorry you have your illnesses, I really am. Cancer sucks, to make a slangy understatement, but your cancer doesn't negate other people's feelings. "Stop being sad the love of your life just left you with no money after cheating on you, BECAUSE AT LEAST YOU DON'T HAVE CANCER!" Yeah, cause that's really nice. Everyone has their own situation. Try to have some empathy.
Charmaine_Champagne Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 i completely agree with you and understand what you mean.. i selfishly moaned about an ex before who completely broke my heart and i felt miserable but afew months later my beloved grandmother passed away and that put things in perspective for me and felt terribly guilty about moaning about a guy and something so trivial BUT this is a 'break up' forum.. people are here to moan about their broken hearts so you have to expect if you view this kind of thing thats what you are going to see and love hurts
now_what Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 At first I was a little ticked at your attitude, it seemed like you were minimizing the heartaches of others. But then, I started to think, hmm, yes I have been going through the pain of a breakup, but am I going to let that color the rest of of my life? And the answer is NO, NO, NO. I still have so many things in my life. The only thing I don't have is my husband and you know, now that I think about it, why should I want him anymore. He was making me very unhappy and to top it off - HE LEFT ME FOR ANOTHER WOMAN. Why should I want to be married to him anymore - he is still living with this woman. I should just count my blessings and get on with my life. I refuse to be bogged down in sadness anymore. Thanks for opening up my eyes.
AmazingLove Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I'd recommend if you find it obnoxious or annoying to hear people upset about something like a break up affair or divorce... Why do you come to a love forum which seems to be focused on breakups (which obviously are painful & apart of everyone's life at sometime) Do I have serious health issues, yup & it's scary. As I'm sure over half the people here do. Depression alone causes multiple diseases..not to mention injuries that you may sustain through out life. Yes you serve a good point.. (as the book "Turning hurts into Halos"...explains the same thing)..the author list 15 different traumatic events/illnesses in his and his family lives..and it puts things in perspective. Though It just doesn't magically solve that loneliness-alone pain over night. Also he never shames the readers saying DON'T YOU SEE THIS IS WORSE THEN YOUR RAPE, OR YOUR LEG BEING AMPUTATED!!! Nope.. he just allows to to open your perception & to see if it helps you grow & start living life rather then trying to survive it.
Author davidjor Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 Wow, it seems as though there are several different interpitations of my original post. My point is not to say, feel sorry for me (I have this, or I have that) it is mearly to look at things you have to be thankful for. Feel blessed for the good things in your life. And do not stress over the things in your life you can not change. And you know, that I have been dumped but it wasn't until I had the medical diagnosis that I have that really opened my eyes to what is really important in my life. WHICH FOR ME IN MY OWN PERSONAL HEALTH. My post was not to belittle anyone or the pain they are going through. It is to get you people to OPEN YOUR EYES to what really matters in life. Take my experience for what it is, as advise, as bull****, or whatever. It is just my opinion as to what is important.
Template Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Dude, you are so correct. However, I can see how some people might misinterpret what you are saying, as you did start the post with "Sick of..." on a forum in which caters to a depression of a break-up. I don't think you'll hear much of the "I'm glad I got kicked to the curb.." or "I'm so happy to break up with someone". Happy people are out being happy, and the dumped come here to find some relief. And maybe to a subconscious extent, try to find someone in a worse off state, so their grief isn't as bad as they thought. However, like I said, I do agree with you in that there are much more important things in life to consider, and it really is all about perspective. You've realized in a tough way, what's really important, and through all that I think you also realized that you are still blessed, in that you could be much more worse off. My hats off to ya!! Trying to think positive and taking the journey to what's finding the good in my life has really helped me come to grips with my breakup. I know there are aspects of my life that I know some people wish they would trade with me, and my life don't seem so bleak. Thanks for your message, and I hope other truly see the meaning you are trying to convey.
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