lilmrcheerful Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Hi all, Just posting a follow up to this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t181214/ This situation is this now. After a weeks NC, I get yet another text last night. I was shocked at it because I thought she'd finally given up. Again, I don't want to be rude because I am not that type of person. She text saying "Hi hope you're OK hows things and what you been up too?". I ignored it... The she replied "If you don't want to talk to me, then it's fine". This got to me a bit because it's making me sound like it's my fault that I've been ignoring her after what she had done to me. I want to be always in control of this situation because I wasn't the person in the wrong in this and she continually makes me feel guilty, so I had to respond, I said: "It's not that I don't want to talk to you, it's very difficult to talk with you because you hurt me, hurt me VERY badly". She replied "I'm sorry". And nothing more in which I took as her finally admitting to it. I sent nothing else. An hour later, she text me saying "I won't bother you anymore and I am sorry for bugging you, when you are feeling better then get in touch, if you want, take care". I didn't reply and left it at that. Does this finally mean that she really won't text me anymore? I mean, she's broken NC 4 times now since. Is the guilt getting to her that much that she feels the need to always get back in touch? I can't take this anymore, why can't she just be happy that she's got back together with her ex, after all, it's all she's always wanted from day one. Thanks for reading.
Geishawhelk Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 No. She just wanted to have the last word and let you know that however important you and she might think your sentiments are, hers are that bit more important, so it's vital you get to hear them. She's just not getting the hint. "I won't bother you anymore and I am sorry for bugging you, when you are feeling better then get in touch, if you want, take care." REPLY: "I don't want, I never will want, and you're just not getting it are you? I'd rather be friends with a rabid pit-bull than ever get in touch with you again." Well...... That's what I would have said. There comes a time when politeness be damned, courtesy just has to be flung out of the window in order for them to get it. You have to get it through your head: Rudeness has its place. Even if it goes against the grain, it's occasionally the only way to get the message across - once and for all - that they just don't figure.
playlislay Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Dude, she is obviously upset about what she has done to you and is trying to reconcile. You want a real apology dont you? Have you told her this? Why dont you be a man and tell the poor girl straight. Tell her that you need time to yourself, no contact. Tell her that it could be weeks, months or even years until you may feel ready to talk to her again. YOU MUST TELL HER! I say this because my ex is in your position. At first I done the whole begging (I really hurt him over xmas) and pleading, then he said he would think about it, I didnt get a reply quick enough so I was horrible to him (only because I thought he was trying to palm me off with the whole 'I'll think about it' malarky). Anywho, we agreed to be friends and now whenever I try to talk to him he just ignores my calls or texts-not that I have been bombarding him with them or anything! I just wish the wimp told me that my calls/texts where annoying him instead of having to hear it through a friend. Bloody wuss. So yes, let her know the deal. If you dont then it is like you are actually WANTING her to text you! Good luck! p.s space and time without them gives you plenty of time to reflect and improve your life! :OD
Author lilmrcheerful Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 That's what I would have said. There comes a time when politeness be damned, courtesy just has to be flung out of the window in order for them to get it. You have to get it through your head: Rudeness has its place. Even if it goes against the grain, it's occasionally the only way to get the message across - once and for all - that they just don't figure. I figured as much... it's not what I want, but I think you're right and that I shall have to be blunt next time (if there's a next time that is), hopefully this will be it and she means it when she says she will stay away.
Geishawhelk Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Please don't think for one moment, that I don't sympathise, or know how difficult this must be for you. I never say to people, "I know how you feel" because that's just such a load of old crock. I have been through similar, but each person is different. I'm just speaking with the benefit of wise hindsight. I know every step forward is a stomach-wrenching affair, and how painful it can be to make it from morning until evening, let alone day to day. But sometimes, that pain needs expressing as Anger, in order to flaten it and paste it to the wall..... I really do wish you a complete recovery from this. But sometimes, we have to be cruel to others, in order to be kind to ourselves.
Author lilmrcheerful Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Hi playlislay, Thanks for your response. Dude, she is obviously upset about what she has done to you and is trying to reconcile. You want a real apology dont you? Have you told her this? She isn't trying to reconcile because she's with her ex bf, what she wants is the best of both worlds, she wants to be romantic with him and the friendship/company/humour/ with me, it just isn't going to happen. She can't have both and that's what I told her when we were together. So she made her choice but it seems she can't grasp the concept - yet. It's not my problem if her ex lacks something that I have - a personality, as I told her, it's not always about sex! Why dont you be a man and tell the poor girl straight. I believe to have acted appropriately already, respectful and been "a man" about it all, I haven't slagged her off, gone to any of her friends, complained, moaned or anything of the sort, I haven't pined after her once, I've been "a man" about everything already. Now, she should have already worked out herself that by me initiating NC and reject to see her again when she was coming to pick her stuff up last month was enough to "tell the poor girl straight", I think I have done everything correctly. I say this because my ex is in your position. At first I done the whole begging (I really hurt him over xmas) and pleading, then he said he would think about it, I didnt get a reply quick enough so I was horrible to him (only because I thought he was trying to palm me off with the whole 'I'll think about it' malarky). Anywho, we agreed to be friends and now whenever I try to talk to him he just ignores my calls or texts-not that I have been bombarding him with them or anything! I just wish the wimp told me that my calls/texts where annoying him instead of having to hear it through a friend. Bloody wuss. I never did the begging thing, I feel it makes a person look too needy and also gives the other person a reason to justify their actions, she'd never get that from me no matter if I was missing her or not - I'd never tell her, she doesn't deserve that. In my opinion though, I thought you've been harsh towards your ex for calling him a "wuss", I think he's acted appropriately too, has not disrespected you and left things at a position where in future maybe when things are settled that there could be a posibility of friendship without having to undo even more hurt by continually slagging or belittling each other. As I've said, I've not said a bad word towards my ex and she hasn't really said anything against me (to my face at least) for ignoring her. The owness is on her, not me and if she's feeling guilty for what she's done, then it's nothing more than she deserves, so why do I have to be made to feel guilty as well for trying to rebuild my life again via not adhereing to her requests of staying as friends and constantly texting? It's not the same anymore, and certainly it's a horrible feeling knowing that she's with someone else whilst trying to talk to me as if nothing had happened, it's just not going to happen I'm afraid.
Author lilmrcheerful Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Please don't think for one moment, that I don't sympathise, or know how difficult this must be for you. . Oh totally, I know and understand what you've been getting at and I do need to hear it Geishwhelk, I do need to start to become a little more ruthless with these people because they will only continue to try it on because they think they're in the right. It's difficult for me in the sense that I gave so much in the relationship, where most people would have really enjoyed the benefits of the love, affection and attention I was constantly giving her but only to find that I had all along been involved in a rebound relationship when she categorically said she was over her past. I believed her because she made it sound convinving with her tears. I will be fine and things have got better, I am not hurting as much, it's only been 7 weeks since she left me so it's still raw plus her texting wasn't helping, but I am honestly getting there
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