HurtButHere Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 My husband and I have been married for a little over 5 years. We actually renewed out vows on our 5th wedding anniversary. We have battled a military deployment, the death of a child, the birth of 3 children. By far our biggest battle is with the lack of trust and respect we have for each other. He has been and currently is addicted to adult friend finder, and other local hook up sites. I found one of his 'private' email accounts that he set up and found that he had all these folders organized with girls from the area, and their pictures. He works third shift and would tell these ladies that he was getting off early and would go there instead of coming home. When confronted he told me it was all talk, nothing more. He would watch them on the web cams, and talk to them on the phone, but never has met them. He started a relationship with a girl he was overseas with, but again swears nothing happened, physically... We put that all behind us, sought counseling, renewed our vows. I thought I could surely trust him again, well again I look at the browsing history and see that he has a hotmail account, that I am unaware of and that he is looking up girls on adult friend finder, and craigslist. Looking for ones particularly in this area. I know if I say anything he'll twist it around to me not trusting him, he didn't do it, he won't know how it got on his computer.... I wish for oncec he would just be honest with me. I am so sick of being betrayed. We have 3 little girls and I would hate for them to think this is acceptable. I want our marraige to work out, I would do anything to make him happy, and have even sexually. It's like we're unable to 'make love' it's always hard and rough...maybe that's what he's looking for online...someone nice to be nice with... I was just wondering if anyone knew when I am supposed to give up on him, or do I accept that this is how our life and marriage is? Any advice would be greatly appreciated...I am desperate...
gavinus Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Well I think you should say stop the adult friend finder and everything else or I am leaving you!! This cannot be a good message to send your children that he is lying and you are putting up with it. Be strong do the right thing for you and your kids.
Trimmer Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 He works third shift and would tell these ladies that he was getting off early and would go there instead of coming home. When confronted he told me it was all talk, nothing more. He would watch them on the web cams, and talk to them on the phone, but never has met them. Don't you find that a little hard to believe? I do. I don't know what to tell you - he sounds incapable of maintaining his fidelity to you, and of staying within the boundaries of what you need for the marriage to work. What came out of the counseling you guys did?
msjules Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Not only does he need to give up Adult Friend Finder, he needs to give up the computer since he cannot be trusted. It needs to be put on eBay and sold. It's either that or you're leaving him. That's my advice to you. What he is doing to you and your marriage is intolerable. This is infidelity, pure and simple. He sounds like a sex addict to me. I would want better for myself and for my children and he needs help.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Are you able to pack up your stuff and take your three precious babies away, like stay with a family member or friend for the time being? Do you know that while I know you care about him dearly, he is hurting you emotionally. You tried so many ways to keep him happy, yet he his doing things like this behind your back. You lost trust in him, you you literally want to continue on to stay with a man like that?
curiousnycgirl Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I also found adult friend finder in my b/f's browsing history - which is interesting since he is obsessive about clearing his history (claims it makes the machine run faster). I thought long and hard about how to approach it. Ultimately I did not accuse him, I did not yell or scream. I simply told him that I found it to be unacceptable for him to look at naked pictures of women that were looking to hook up. If he felt a NEED to look at porn, then fine - but I expect him to only look at professionals, with whom he doesn't stand a chance. He started off a bit miffed with me, then saw my point, and agreed. Not saying it's the right solution for you - but thought I'd suggest an alternative approach. Good luck!!!!
lonelygurl Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 My husband and I have been married for a little over 5 years. We actually renewed out vows on our 5th wedding anniversary. We have battled a military deployment, the death of a child, the birth of 3 children. By far our biggest battle is with the lack of trust and respect we have for each other. He has been and currently is addicted to adult friend finder, and other local hook up sites. I found one of his 'private' email accounts that he set up and found that he had all these folders organized with girls from the area, and their pictures. He works third shift and would tell these ladies that he was getting off early and would go there instead of coming home. When confronted he told me it was all talk, nothing more. He would watch them on the web cams, and talk to them on the phone, but never has met them. He started a relationship with a girl he was overseas with, but again swears nothing happened, physically... We put that all behind us, sought counseling, renewed our vows. I thought I could surely trust him again, well again I look at the browsing history and see that he has a hotmail account, that I am unaware of and that he is looking up girls on adult friend finder, and craigslist. Looking for ones particularly in this area. I know if I say anything he'll twist it around to me not trusting him, he didn't do it, he won't know how it got on his computer.... I wish for oncec he would just be honest with me. I am so sick of being betrayed. We have 3 little girls and I would hate for them to think this is acceptable. I want our marraige to work out, I would do anything to make him happy, and have even sexually. It's like we're unable to 'make love' it's always hard and rough...maybe that's what he's looking for online...someone nice to be nice with... I was just wondering if anyone knew when I am supposed to give up on him, or do I accept that this is how our life and marriage is? Any advice would be greatly appreciated...I am desperate... I would be very careful. Adult friend finder is specifically designed to meet people in your area for sex. These people are on there for that reason only. My X was on there the first time we split and I suspect he was on there again the second time he left. I would find it suprising your husband is only doing webcam because of this reason. When I made a membership to view profiles I didn't even see webcams as being an option. You just email and stuff to meet. If you really want to know what is going on make a membership and join. But be prepared to be literally sick to your stomach. Personally, I would tell him to take the high road before he exposes you to some STD like my X did to me.
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