Doingitagain Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 So here I am again, posting anonymously on the internet about my deepest issues and concerns. I've missed it to be honest. A small introduction... I've been in a LDR for over a year now and as I'm sure you all know, it's hard. My girlfriend was just up here two weeks ago and already I'm feeling like I can't take the distance and some of the choices she makes. Maybe I'm having a weak moment, I don't know. It's my girlfriends birthday this week, so she went out with a certain guy friend of hers. This fine young gentlemen (note the sarcasm) has done all he can to break us up. He has confessed his love for her numerous times, bashes me on a daily basis and is really just the type of guy I tell my girlfriend to be careful for. Yet she has been friends with him for a very long time and insists he's an innocent lonely kid. Well, this innocent lonely kid has on one occasion pushed my girlfriend down on the bed and tried to kiss her and jump on top of her. Needless to say, I don't appreciate it, nor do I appreciate her continueing to talk to this guy. Now, that's just tonights issue, I have a few. Everyone knows the economy is terrible these days, it's no secret. We had been trying to plan a move late last year just before this whole storm hit. Since then we've kinda come to our senses that we can't really leave our jobs and make some sort of adventurous move together and try to wing it and work small jobs here and there to get by. They don't exist anymore. I just feel like if we do ever actually take the plunge and move in together it is gonna be years from now, and I don't think I can really wait that long. I'm sure you've heard it a million times but I have needs, and for too long I've been supressing these needs. The times we've spent together have been absolutely great, I cannot stress that enough. However, over our 1 year, 2 month, 10 days "together" we've actually only spent a total of 20 days physically together. I see all my buddies with their girlfriends, or I'm out playing pool or at a bar and I just sit there by myself because I am fiercely loyal and would never cheat on any girlfriend regardless the circumstance. I feel like a social pariah, a leper almost. So this is what it boils down to. I really don't want to leave her. I love her, and I do trust her no matter how naive she can be with guys sometimes. But I don't know if I can continue to wait. I don't know if I even want to continue to wait. I am so lonely it's starting to effect all aspects of my life including work, social life, and even family life. I find myself sitting here alone at night just thinking of the easiest way to let her go but once I start seriously thinking about it my heart aches and I just can't even continue thinking about it. I really don't even know what to say or do anymore. I'm so apathetic it's scary. All I do know is I don't know anything. Not about us, not about my job, not about the world, hell, not even about the fate of our planet. And that's really another reason I need a girlfriend (physically) right now. I just want someone to lay down and watch tv with. Someone to go out to dinner with. Someone to just stare into their eyes and forget about the rest of the problems in the world and just enjoy my time with. I feel like all I'm getting now is grief and depression. I dunno... So I guess this was just a long rant and a vent and nobody will read it or reply and that's really ok. I wouldn't know how to really respond to a post like that either. But getting it out there helps, even if it really doesn't change or solve anything.
KikiW Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I understand what you're going through. I am "in limbo" myself and it's so incredibly frustrating, not to mention the yearning to do the little things like making dinner together or just curl up in each others' arms. On top of being apart from each other there is the uncertainty of our environment (jobs, friends, etc). I have to believe things will turn out the way they are meant to be, and that chances are they will turn out for the good, otherwise what's the point at all right? I don't have any answers or advice, but at least I can tell you you're not the only one.
Author Doingitagain Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 You say you have no answers or advice but just to know I'm not the only one going through it is very comforting. Thank you for your reply.
Nicodaemos Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Till recently, i was in an LDR, and felt the same way. Wanting to do the little things, those small comfort things that physically close relationships have regularly. Every person here knows exactly how you feel in that. Anyone in this LDR area can relate to the feelings you have. Advice, none really, because the only thing that will truly satisfy things is being with your other. Even if you had a girlfriend locally, that you could cuddle and spend time with, I think you would still find it empty. Because its not the one you are loving, and caring for. I dunno, I stay loyal, but everyone is different. I hope you find something to help you through.
Lucky_One Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Are either of you looking for jobs in the other's geographic area? Or even both sending out resumes for new jobs in a totally new area? I don't quite get the mindset that neither of you can leave your jobs. I agree that you just can't quit and willy-nilly move, but you CAN look for other jobs. And actually, you both CAN save money like a bitch, one of you quit and move, and then look for another job (or pick up waitstaff jobs or whatever or construction jobs) while you live together like poor hermits - but you are together. As for this other boy? I think your GF is totally in the wrong for continuing to hang out with him. If he has tried to kiss her or push her down on a bed and if she knows that you don't like or trust him - then that is reason enough for her to WANT to limit her interactions with him. We make compromises for our partners - we don't intentionally hurt our partners.
Bearandsue Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I completely agree with lucky one.....She should stop hanging out with that guy in one on one situations if you are not comfortable with it. I can understand your frustrations. Not having definite plans for the future makes it far worse. IMO one of you guy will definitely have to be willing to pack up and move. You both dont have to lose your jobs. Sit down make some plans. I think that will help. IMO
Author Doingitagain Posted March 12, 2009 Author Posted March 12, 2009 Are either of you looking for jobs in the other's geographic area? Or even both sending out resumes for new jobs in a totally new area? I don't quite get the mindset that neither of you can leave your jobs. I agree that you just can't quit and willy-nilly move, but you CAN look for other jobs. And actually, you both CAN save money like a bitch, one of you quit and move, and then look for another job (or pick up waitstaff jobs or whatever or construction jobs) while you live together like poor hermits - but you are together. As for this other boy? I think your GF is totally in the wrong for continuing to hang out with him. If he has tried to kiss her or push her down on a bed and if she knows that you don't like or trust him - then that is reason enough for her to WANT to limit her interactions with him. We make compromises for our partners - we don't intentionally hurt our partners. I have actually sent in my resume to a few places where she is, just to test the waters and see what's available. Unfortunately I'm in property management and that has a lot to do with knowing your area, so I doubt they'll appreciate an out of towner. It's not so much that we can't leave our jobs, it's moreso that we can't find new ones. I didn't go to college, I started working in this field a year after high school and I've been doing it for 8 years now. She has a few credits here and there but no degree yet, and is currently out of school. And as for this other guy, it was really that I was just upset that night. Deep down I know he's not a threat, sometimes I just look for a reason to get aggrivated. She kinda looks at him with pity, but he obviously looks at her differently. She's just a kind soul and tries to be friends with him because she feels bad for him and has known him for a very long time. We'll see what happens with the job situation, because I think that trumps all.
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