saddy Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I'm new to online dating but I guess that the purpose of this is to meet people so that you can narrow your choice until you know exactly what you are looking for, right? Then, does it make me a jerk if I'm dating two girls on a regular basis and meet others from time to time? I must say that I never had the "exclusive" conversation with any of these girls, which means that they may be doing the same as I'm doing. But still, I wonder how they would react if they knew...
Zorie Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Nope not at all because that is the nature of online dating. I think everyone knows its going on, but its not something openly discussed or asked about. I'm sure everyone has thier own limits for me personally I don't mind casually dating a few people until I see who I would like to progress further with however, I would never be intimate with more than one person at a time.
bean1 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I met my SO online (we now live together, have a dog, all that sort of exclusive stuff). I assume he was dating other women in the early stages of us dating - after all why not? I don't bother asking now, it's been years so who cares anyways, we were just meeting for coffee/drinks. I don't think you owe them an explanation. However, you should be honest if you are having sex with other people.
MN randomguy Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Everything said so far I think is valid. Nothing wrong with getting to know multiple people at a time. If they ask, be honest. I wouldn't bring it up. Don't be intimate (physically or overly so emotionally) with anyone until you've narrowed it down to one.
BobSacamento Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I once was asked whether I was talking to multiple women before I even met the woman. Needless to say I don't speak to her anymore. Dating multiple women I think is normal in the beginning. It's really quantity over quality at the start. You can spend all your energy on one quality woman and have her snatched up by some other dude or go back to an ex in a split second. I actually have taken notes before lol. Because I don't want to screw up family history and crap like that. The objective, I believe, is to make him/her feel like he or she's the only one on your radar
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 If exclusivity has not been mentioned, I'd say multi-dating is fair game. How long have you been dating the two girls? Or how many dates have you been on with each? If either one mentions, however, that they're not dating anybody but you - you'd better 'fess up that you are dating other women.
Author saddy Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 I've been dating one of the girl since about a month now and I've only been to 3 dates with the other one but we've already planned a next date. The thing is that I had sex with the first one and last time I was at her place, she was talking with her mother on the phone and said that I was there. Which means that she already talked about me to her mother. Now I feel really bad about it because I definitely don't want to hurt her but I just don't feel like giving up on the other girl since we really get along good together. Moreover I'm coming from a 5 years relationship that ended a few months ago (I really thought she was the one but she finally cheated on me). Before that I didn't have much experience with dating and I think I need to meet more people in order to know what is really good for me. On the other hand, as I said, we never said we were exclusive and I just don't know if she's seeing other guys. Maybe she is? I just prefer not knowing at that point. I know I should be honest and bring the subject myself before she is too sentimentally involved but I'll probably loose her if I do that.
clv0116 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 It's pretty normal, and as long as you don't lie about it it's 100% OK in my opinion.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 You'll lose her anyway when she finds out on her own - wondering who that woman was you were talking to/texting/emailing. This could turn ugly. I had no idea you'd had sex with one of them. To be quite honest - for A LOT of women, they assume exclusivity just because sex occurred. That is unfortunately the case. The honorable thing to do would be to tell her the truth. I'm not a big fan of lying by omission. Women get more involved emotionally once sex is involved. She set herself up for heartache if she didn't talk to you about exclusivity before sleeping with you - you can't help that part of it. But you can be honorable and tell her that you're still dating other women. In THAT case, I feel she deserves to know - just because I know how most women view sex in the context of relationships.
Chicago_Guy Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I've been dating one of the girl since about a month now and I've only been to 3 dates with the other one but we've already planned a next date. The thing is that I had sex with the first one and last time I was at her place, she was talking with her mother on the phone and said that I was there. Which means that she already talked about me to her mother. Now I feel really bad about it because I definitely don't want to hurt her but I just don't feel like giving up on the other girl since we really get along good together. Moreover I'm coming from a 5 years relationship that ended a few months ago (I really thought she was the one but she finally cheated on me). Before that I didn't have much experience with dating and I think I need to meet more people in order to know what is really good for me. On the other hand, as I said, we never said we were exclusive and I just don't know if she's seeing other guys. Maybe she is? I just prefer not knowing at that point. I know I should be honest and bring the subject myself before she is too sentimentally involved but I'll probably loose her if I do that. You need to make a decision regarding that first girl. I bet she isn't seeing other guys based on what you mentioned in your post.
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