WillusG Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Hi, i have been in love with this girl for a while and it just keeps getting stronger, and stronger. We have been working together for a couple of years now and i have grown very close to her. I am good friends with all of her family. We have almost everything in common. She set me up on dates with one of her friends (did'nt work out because i actually called the girl by the name of the one I am in love with now. She knows about it too). The only problem i have is that she has been dating this guy since like a month or two after i met her. I think he is her first boyfriend, and i really like the guy and don't want to hurt either one of their feelings, its just that i am only TRUELY happy when i am with or around her. I don't think she would ever break up with this other guy for me though. No other girl I look at pulls at my heart like she does. What should i do??
carhill Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Pray you get over it Seriously. Best way to move forward IMO is to limit interaction with her to necessary work and date other women. Right now, you're her "buddy"; even if things get a bit dicey with her BF, you'll just be an emotional crutch for her, not a prospective alternative. I don't envy you. Resolve it now while you're young. Trust me
Author WillusG Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Thank you, i guess i needed to hear it from someone else to believe it.
Phateless Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Grow a set of balls and kiss her. Simple. There are a few ways this could go. 1. sit and wish to be with her forever. sounds like you've already wasted two years on this 2. kiss her and she rejects you. you finally have your answer. you can MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE 3. kiss her and she kisses back. you get to be with her. No matter how you slice it you are WASTING TIME right now. Sack up and kiss her.
Author WillusG Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Kissing her would definitely not be the right way to go about it. I think it would be complete surprise to her. She would probably take it the wrong way because i don't think she really knows that i feel this way about her.
Yamaha Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 You will never be anything more than a good friend to her. She probably sees you as a brother which means she likes you ( maybe even loves you ) but not in a romantic way. What to do? Start being less available to her and start talking about other girls you want to date. Women rarely change their minds and if you spring your feelings on her she will probably get mad at you and blame you for ruining the friendship. You need to slowly spend less time with her so your feelings have a chance to diminish. She may wonder what is wrong with you but just tell her you are busy and talk about dating other females. Don't stop talking to her but keep your conversations short and then move along. Hopefully, after a time you can be a friend if you find another love interest because it is the only way you can keep her in your life and keep your sanity.
Phateless Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Kissing her would definitely not be the right way to go about it. I think it would be complete surprise to her. She would probably take it the wrong way because i don't think she really knows that i feel this way about her. This is exactly the kind of self-limiting belief that is causing you to waste all this time. You are hanging out in indecision because you are AFRAID. Kiss her and blow the friendship, or become a couple, but you can't continue wasting time. You never wanted to be friends at all, you always liked her. You will never be content with just friends so stop using that as a cover for being afraid. You know in your heart of hearts that I'm telling you the truth. If you're going to argue with me I won't even bother. I'm linking you to a few posts where I gave the poster the SAME ADVICE and it worked out and they got together. Read them. I'm willing to bet money that you will INVENT a reason why it's different to prevent yourself from trying the same thing. I don't care what that reason is, it's BS. Sorry to be harsh with you, I'm only trying to help you get your ass in gear. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t176856/ - look for my posts, the original poster's replies, and look for how things turned out at the end of the thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=174694 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t174689/ this is the best one to read http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=174694 I give the same advice in all three threads and it worked ALL THREE TIMES. Grow some balls and KISS HER. NOW.
Yamaha Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 You never wanted to be friends at all, you always liked her. You will never be content with just friends so stop using that as a cover for being afraid. This is so true. You do not want to be just friends so you need to take action to either get with her or move on. I still believe that she has her mind made up but showing confidence and letting her know you like her and desire her will get you off of the fence and out of the FZ.
Phateless Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 This is so true. You do not want to be just friends so you need to take action to either get with her or move on. I still believe that she has her mind made up but showing confidence and letting her know you like her and desire her will get you off of the fence and out of the FZ. Yep. Being shot down in flames is better than wasting time on someone who isn't interested. Even if you get rejected, at least then you can move on and find someone who IS interested. You are doing this to yourself. The sooner you stop playing victim and realize that, the better off you will be. I have been in your situation hundreds of times, how do you think I came to all of these realizations?! It's on you.
Author WillusG Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 I think i will take your advice, partially anyway;). I still don't think kissing her would be the right way, but i think i am going to let her know how I feel about her. If I get my feelings hurt then I might be able to move on. It could make things really awkward at work though.
Phateless Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I think i will take your advice, partially anyway;). I still don't think kissing her would be the right way, but i think i am going to let her know how I feel about her. If I get my feelings hurt then I might be able to move on. It could make things really awkward at work though. This is going to sound counterintuitive, but for the moment, trust me over your intuition. She does not want to be asked for permission. She wants to be swept off her feet by a MAN. YOU have to be bold and kiss her. She doesn't want everything planned, she wants it spontaneous and exciting. Confusion builds anticipation. Why do you think Christmas is so fun? Because you don't know what you're getting. Take her on a fun, ORIGINAL date. Take her to mini golf, or shooting pool, or bowling, or go-kart racing and video games, something FUN, where you can build the energy, gradually start touching or tickling her, hold her hand, and at the end of the night look her deep in the eyes, and KISS HER. If she likes you, she'll kiss back, OR she'll tell you that she likes you but she's holding back for some reason. If that happens, report here. If she just plain rejects the kiss, she was never interested and you have been set free.
Author WillusG Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 That all sounds good if she were single, but i think you are forgetting the fact that she has a boyfriend. It might be a little hard getting her on a date alone. At least for me anyway.
Phateless Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 Did you read the other threads I linked you to? They're all very similar situations. Well to be quite honest, this is your fault for not making a move on her while she still was single. My advice? Quit hanging out with her. Go meet some new girls, find someone single.
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