dreamlover Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 What are the differnces between the love you have for your spouse and the love that you feel for your affiar partner? Why the late is taken as such an evil thing? What is the real love? After my A, I am lost in the fog, I do not know what is love? how do you feel when yuo think you still love your spouse after A? I look forward to some insights.
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 What one builds with a spouse is more than just "love" and feelings of love. It's trust, it's respect, it's sharing, compromising, giving, and including eachother in every part of your life. You grow together, you accept eachother..It's long lasting and growing love. Affair partners - Well, it's lust, it's new and exciting, it's hidden and a secret. It's intense and taboo which makes it SEEM like 'inlove'. Problem is, MOST affairs are not based on true love..If it was, it wouldn't BE an affair for long - The person would leave their spouse quickly to start a new life with the "love" of his/her life. Right?
Reggie Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 I'll consult Danielle Steele and get back to you. I think it has something to do with untamed stallions, cleaving to each other , and pulsating( with strong, sinewy arms to boot). "And, now I am going to kiss you, very, very quickly and very, very hard."
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Why the late is taken as such an evil thing? Because it's on the expense of the INNOCENT and BETRAYED spouse.
bentnotbroken Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 What are the differnces between the love you have for your spouse and the love that you feel for your affiar partner? Why the late is taken as such an evil thing? What is the real love? After my A, I am lost in the fog, I do not know what is love? how do you feel when yuo think you still love your spouse after A? I look forward to some insights. Real love isn't just the fireworks or the constant itch between the legs. It is the day to day. It is crying kids, bills, broken appliances, old cars on bald tires. It is throw up, diarrhea, mud tracked on clean carpet and hair on the sink. It is the toilet lid left up in the middle of the night, garbage that should have gone out 2 days before and briefs with more band left than brief. It is flannel pj's instead of Victoria's secret. It is hugging 2 kids, a dog and a cat between you and the spouse. It is the holidays with azz-n-laws and screaming matches that end in hugs and tears. It is the grunt instead of the good morning, the "where the hell have you been" instead of "hello sweetie". It is wrapping your arms around that extra roll in the middle, whipping the sweat of pain away from the face and the picking up a spouse that has fallen or laying on the ground next to them until they are able to get up again. It is stepping in the dog poop and cussing, tripping over the toys and cussing, or seeing a spouse dressed to the nine's and saying "damn you're sexy!" Love is when you don't feel like loving, when you don't think you can stand the sight of the other person, but you come home and anyway. It is the chaos and the peace. It is the good and the bad. It is a choice. A daily decision, not to give up, check out or look for an excuse. It is respect, honor and commitment. It is precious and rare. It is a gift that shouldn't be ignored or cast away. It isn't perfect or polished. It isn't pretty or always romantic. It is ever growing and it isn't a completion of another, but a compliment.
datura_noir Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I know there is a great list out there somewhere, and maybe Dr. Phil gets the credit-but... Love ISN'T; Hidden Fearing for abandonment Jealous Manipulative Lying Dependency Expecting all your needs to be met Walking on egshells for fear of upsetting Fearful of discovery of some aspect of yourself At the expense of someone else
datura_noir Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 And, I wouldn't describe your feelings for another as 'evil'....They are just that; feelings. You are human, it comes with the territory. I can't contribute to this post any longer,as I am a BS and don't want to trigger on the subject:(. Hope you work through everything.
lostsoulmate Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Love be definition: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 What are the differnces between the love you have for your spouse and the love that you feel for your affiar partner? Why the late is taken as such an evil thing? What is the real love? After my A, I am lost in the fog, I do not know what is love? how do you feel when yuo think you still love your spouse after A? I look forward to some insights. What is real love? You don't have it, so I doubt you could understand, but I will try. Real love is understanding who someone really is and choosing to love them despite any flaws. - Respect Real love means doing things that are best for the person you love, despite the fact that it may hurt you. - Selfless. Your lack of respect, resentment, and selfishness makes me believe that real love is not something you will ever experience. You will definitely not experience it with your husband. You can receive love, but if you can't give it in return... it's meaningless.
lostsoulmate Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Don't listen to LostSoulmate. She is blind and ignorant. Step up and be a better person! I see quite well actually. And to some ignorance is bliss. Is this a personal attack?
65tr6 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Real love isn't just the fireworks or the constant itch between the legs. It is the day to day. It is crying kids, bills, broken appliances, old cars on bald tires. It is throw up, diarrhea, mud tracked on clean carpet and hair on the sink. It is the toilet lid left up in the middle of the night, garbage that should have gone out 2 days before and briefs with more band left than brief. It is flannel pj's instead of Victoria's secret. It is hugging 2 kids, a dog and a cat between you and the spouse. It is the holidays with azz-n-laws and screaming matches that end in hugs and tears. It is the grunt instead of the good morning, the "where the hell have you been" instead of "hello sweetie". It is wrapping your arms around that extra roll in the middle, whipping the sweat of pain away from the face and the picking up a spouse that has fallen or laying on the ground next to them until they are able to get up again. It is stepping in the dog poop and cussing, tripping over the toys and cussing, or seeing a spouse dressed to the nine's and saying "damn you're sexy!" Love is when you don't feel like loving, when you don't think you can stand the sight of the other person, but you come home and anyway. It is the chaos and the peace. It is the good and the bad. It is a choice. A daily decision, not to give up, check out or look for an excuse. It is respect, honor and commitment. It is precious and rare. It is a gift that shouldn't be ignored or cast away. It isn't perfect or polished. It isn't pretty or always romantic. It is ever growing and it isn't a completion of another, but a compliment. Except for stepping in the dog's poop part...I agree. Very well said.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 I see quite well actually. And to some ignorance is bliss. Is this a personal attack? Metaphorically blind, but I'm sure you knew that. No, this isn't personal. I don't care what you do with your life. You have my full opinion and reasoning on that. To me that means you made your choice fully informed. I can respect that with regards to your situation. This is someone else. It is important that she understand where your at on this. Nothing personal, but her question is to the nature of love, she needs to know you can't point her in the right direction. It is just a warning for her for future posts and threads, that is all I meant. Also, I was referencing previous posts... not the wiki definition of love. Anyway... I apologize if it was offensive. I have just as many flaws as you. Foot in mouth syndrome is perhaps one.
eclipseIDE Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Real love isn't just the fireworks or the constant itch between the legs. It is the day to day. It is crying kids, bills, broken appliances, old cars on bald tires. It is throw up, diarrhea, mud tracked on clean carpet and hair on the sink. It is the toilet lid left up in the middle of the night, garbage that should have gone out 2 days before and briefs with more band left than brief. It is flannel pj's instead of Victoria's secret. It is hugging 2 kids, a dog and a cat between you and the spouse. It is the holidays with azz-n-laws and screaming matches that end in hugs and tears. It is the grunt instead of the good morning, the "where the hell have you been" instead of "hello sweetie". It is wrapping your arms around that extra roll in the middle, whipping the sweat of pain away from the face and the picking up a spouse that has fallen or laying on the ground next to them until they are able to get up again. It is stepping in the dog poop and cussing, tripping over the toys and cussing, or seeing a spouse dressed to the nine's and saying "damn you're sexy!" Love is when you don't feel like loving, when you don't think you can stand the sight of the other person, but you come home and anyway. It is the chaos and the peace. It is the good and the bad. It is a choice. A daily decision, not to give up, check out or look for an excuse. It is respect, honor and commitment. It is precious and rare. It is a gift that shouldn't be ignored or cast away. It isn't perfect or polished. It isn't pretty or always romantic. It is ever growing and it isn't a completion of another, but a compliment. Thank You! Someone who gets it. Best post of the day
z1850 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 You're confusing emotional feelings with commitment, and the necessity of doing what is morally right. You know that your commitment is to your spouse, and that adultery is morally wrong. You know that. Feelings like love should be subordinated within the context of marriage, and you should have the discipline to maintain your boundaries socially and professionally. No one forced you commit adultery, and you will never have a temptation that you cannot simply walk away from. We live in a society consumed with self-gratification. You should exercise discipline in the face of this social pressure, and focus your feelings on your spouse, where they belong.
Author dreamlover Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 What is real love? You don't have it, so I doubt you could understand, but I will try. Real love is understanding who someone really is and choosing to love them despite any flaws. - Respect Real love means doing things that are best for the person you love, despite the fact that it may hurt you. - Selfless. Your lack of respect, resentment, and selfishness makes me believe that real love is not something you will ever experience. You will definitely not experience it with your husband. You can receive love, but if you can't give it in return... it's meaningless. Don't listen to LostSoulmate. She is blind and ignorant. Step up and be a better person! Untouchable_Fire: your post is the only post that i have read that contains so much personal attack in such a short post, how much do you know me? how do you know I never experienced love, how do you know I will never give love for return? I may have lost the love for my husband for many reasons that only me and my husband can understand. I may never experience that with my husband. I am sorry for you havng such a poor way to communicate on this public web site to attack someone who is just asking a gereral question. If you are a BS, there might be a reason that your WS cheated if you attack people for no reason. In fact, I like LostSoulmate's answer, it is well defined in the link. it helped me understand better.
Author dreamlover Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Metaphorically blind, but I'm sure you knew that. No, this isn't personal. I don't care what you do with your life. You have my full opinion and reasoning on that. To me that means you made your choice fully informed. I can respect that with regards to your situation. This is someone else. It is important that she understand where your at on this. Nothing personal, but her question is to the nature of love, she needs to know you can't point her in the right direction. It is just a warning for her for future posts and threads, that is all I meant. Also, I was referencing previous posts... not the wiki definition of love. Anyway... I apologize if it was offensive. I have just as many flaws as you. Foot in mouth syndrome is perhaps one. UF: what warning you are trying to give me? I did not see anything I did here to be warned, I am here just seeking for some help and insights like everyone else is, I appreciate all the and advices that I have received, including all the ones that seems very aggresive ones. I respect everyone here and will not accept any personal attacks.
Author dreamlover Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 Real love isn't just the fireworks or the constant itch between the legs. It is the day to day. It is crying kids, bills, broken appliances, old cars on bald tires. It is throw up, diarrhea, mud tracked on clean carpet and hair on the sink. It is the toilet lid left up in the middle of the night, garbage that should have gone out 2 days before and briefs with more band left than brief. It is flannel pj's instead of Victoria's secret. It is hugging 2 kids, a dog and a cat between you and the spouse. It is the holidays with azz-n-laws and screaming matches that end in hugs and tears. It is the grunt instead of the good morning, the "where the hell have you been" instead of "hello sweetie". It is wrapping your arms around that extra roll in the middle, whipping the sweat of pain away from the face and the picking up a spouse that has fallen or laying on the ground next to them until they are able to get up again. It is stepping in the dog poop and cussing, tripping over the toys and cussing, or seeing a spouse dressed to the nine's and saying "damn you're sexy!" Love is when you don't feel like loving, when you don't think you can stand the sight of the other person, but you come home and anyway. It is the chaos and the peace. It is the good and the bad. It is a choice. A daily decision, not to give up, check out or look for an excuse. It is respect, honor and commitment. It is precious and rare. It is a gift that shouldn't be ignored or cast away. It isn't perfect or polished. It isn't pretty or always romantic. It is ever growing and it isn't a completion of another, but a compliment. bentnotbroken, thank you for your well thought answer, it helped. in fact I have all these with my husband in the past, that give me some confidence that there were some fundations in our M that I can rebuild a healthier replationship with my H from. We rised our kids together, we went all the tough times together when we were younger. we just lost most of those in the later years because of so much changes in our lives -- moving to different country, culture shock. Having been explored to the new culture in a differnt level, All these took us apart. I blamed too much on my H, did not do my part. I am working on it. I have a lot to work on to be a better person, which will help meke me a better wife and mother. Thanks again.
lostsoulmate Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Untouchable_Fire: your post is the only post that i have read that contains so much personal attack in such a short post, how much do you know me? how do you know I never experienced love, how do you know I will never give love for return? I may have lost the love for my husband for many reasons that only me and my husband can understand. I may never experience that with my husband. I am sorry for you havng such a poor way to communicate on this public web site to attack someone who is just asking a gereral question. If you are a BS, there might be a reason that your WS cheated if you attack people for no reason. In fact, I like LostSoulmate's answer, it is well defined in the link. it helped me understand better. Thanks. I thought seeing the definition (from the horses mouth so to speak) would be better than what one person(s) thought "love" is. Good luck to you! I truly hope you find happiness, everyone deserves to be happy!
wicar Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 When you like someone so much that you are longing to live with him/her forever, you would be with him/her under any circumstances, you would stand by him/her no matter what happens, you would like them to be with you at your death bed, you would like him/her so much that if the need occurs you would die for him/her. If your feelings are so strong for person (also sexually attracted to him/her) then I think you found your true love. True love is not something you felt before, but now you don't. The first two years you loved a person and then you found out you had no feelings for them.....It's not love, it is sh**. Affair is always because of sexual attraction. If someone says affair is just for emotional support, the other guy or girl was a very understanding person etc...These are all sh**. Why do you sleep with the other person if you need emotional support? Does sex give you emotional support?? Sorry if it is offensive and this is not to hurt anyone, it's just my opinion... I think affair should be called dog love or animal love. The only difference between a dog having sex and a human having an affair is that dogs do it in the open, human have affairs in private places...... That is why affairs are considered evil!
Adri Ana Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 True real love is a feeling when you feel that the happiness of the person you love is more important for you than yours own . True real love is a feeling when you feel you are ready to do all , to care and love the person you love just under any circumstances and any conditions life has been offering you ever . True real love is a feeling when you feel it is more than just a sexual attraction,it is more than just an emotional support,it is more than just a mental matching,it is more than just a heartfelt affection . True real love is all - together and beyond them . True real love is a feeling which flows very naturally between the two . True real love is not evil . True real love has nothing to do with any documental marriages,spouses,lovers,friends..It is just written in Heavens,and once happens,you meet him/her who fulfils you,who truly completes,whom you wanna care for,whom you love for all and for nothing ,who matches you on all levels in all deeds and words . _________________________________________ I love you with the most heartfelt and soulful love . It is your right not to trust,but that wont reduce my love . It is your right to break it,but you can`t break my love . It is your right to make fun on me,but you can`t ever make fun on my love . As it is MY LOVE,it is MINE,though it truly belongs to YOU,My love. I love you with all my heart.It is the only truth on Earth,I believe and trust. I do love.
bentnotbroken Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 True real love is a feeling when you feel that the happiness of the person you love is more important for you than yours own . True real love is a feeling when you feel you are ready to do all , to care and love the person you love just under any circumstances and any conditions life has been offering you ever . True real love is a feeling when you feel it is more than just a sexual attraction,it is more than just an emotional support,it is more than just a mental matching,it is more than just a heartfelt affection . True real love is all - together and beyond them . True real love is a feeling which flows very naturally between the two . True real love is not evil . True real love has nothing to do with any documental marriages,spouses,lovers,friends..It is just written in Heavens,and once happens,you meet him/her who fulfils you,who truly completes,whom you wanna care for,whom you love for all and for nothing ,who matches you on all levels in all deeds and words . _________________________________________ I love you with the most heartfelt and soulful love . It is your right not to trust,but that wont reduce my love . It is your right to break it,but you can`t break my love . It is your right to make fun on me,but you can`t ever make fun on my love . As it is MY LOVE,it is MINE,though it truly belongs to YOU,My love. I love you with all my heart.It is the only truth on Earth,I believe and trust. I do love. If you need to be completed how can you be with someone when you don't know what the other half of you is. Why let someone else decide who you need to be, completion....poopoo that. And God help all of us who love on a feeling and not a choice. I know this is your opinion, I don't mean to sound harsh, it just seems so much like t.v. love.
bentnotbroken Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Untouchable_Fire: your post is the only post that i have read that contains so much personal attack in such a short post, how much do you know me? how do you know I never experienced love, how do you know I will never give love for return? I may have lost the love for my husband for many reasons that only me and my husband can understand. I may never experience that with my husband. I am sorry for you havng such a poor way to communicate on this public web site to attack someone who is just asking a gereral question. If you are a BS, there might be a reason that your WS cheated if you attack people for no reason. In fact, I like LostSoulmate's answer, it is well defined in the link. it helped me understand better. Cheating never needs a reason only an excuse. And no one deserves that emotional, mental and physical abuse no matter what they say or do. Cheating is the easy way people use to deal with an issue that doesn't go away because you cheated, it only adds to the pile of crap that is already there.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 UF: what warning you are trying to give me? I did not see anything I did here to be warned, I am here just seeking for some help and insights like everyone else is, I appreciate all the and advices that I have received, including all the ones that seems very aggresive ones. I respect everyone here and will not accept any personal attacks. Like I said earlier. It's not a personal attack. What I am basically saying is that there are some people you should not pay attention to. Your seeking advice or insight, and bad advice is worse than no advice! BNB and Owl are the people you should take to heart!
sadintexas Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Love is an emotion as well as a verb. In the emotional sense, it's a feeling, but in the verb sense, it's how you put it in action. Being there through the good times and the bad, supporting and caring even if you don't necessarily feel like it, doing things for your partner out of selflessness, etc. Could list a lot of things that represent love as a verb but I think my point is fairly clear. Love as emotion can't be sustained without action of love in the true sense...the sustained love (as a verb). In my opinion love as an emotion is not lasting because if you aren't following through with the actions, it will die and was not what I consider true love. I am not going to compare the love in a marriage versus an affair, because I for one believe that some people get married based on emotional love, and don't always or aren't able to carry it through in the verb sense. And sometimes affair partners do, so one versus the other isn't as relative to me. You could very well have a marriage with no real love, and an affair with real love. It all depends on the individual circumstances. But, in many cases though the love in marriage is displayed more in action while love in an affair is purely emotional. As (I believe) BentnotBroken states, love is a choice. Considering the verb aspect of love, which is what will sustain your relationship, you have to choose to put in that effort. If you don't, you don't have love. I can certainly understand why BS's feel the way they do when their partner "loves" someone else. Many times, the BS has made a lot of sacrifices and shows their love daily in ways that are oftentimes ignored or taken for granted only to have the WS chase down the feeling of emotional love with someone else. It's a betrayal that hurts like no other. I guess rightfully the BS and those supporting the BS would consider the other love "evil" in some aspect because of that.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 If you are a BS, there might be a reason that your WS cheated if you attack people for no reason. Always nice to see that one good personal attack deserves another ! Mr. Lucky
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