Ronni_W Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 It wasn't really about immaturity, I'd probably have to date people double my age otherwise. Er. However old you are, doubling your age likely won't help much with that. I'm close enough to 50, and considering quadrupling my age. And still, really, not holding too high hopes . Generally speaking, of course. I'm sure there are some of them out there...(no, not really. Just saying that cos I don't want to sound like a sexist, ignorant arse. )
Ocean-Blue Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 CE, it sucks to be where you are right now. I was there a while ago, and it doesn't help that you are the one that ended it. You're brave for doing what you did. Too often, people stay because they think they should. It's better for the both of you that you made the decision you did. You have your reasons, and I'm sure, once the pain subsides, you'll be all the better for it.
Author Citizen Erased Posted March 10, 2009 Author Posted March 10, 2009 CE, it sucks to be where you are right now. I was there a while ago, and it doesn't help that you are the one that ended it. You're brave for doing what you did. Too often, people stay because they think they should. It's better for the both of you that you made the decision you did. You have your reasons, and I'm sure, once the pain subsides, you'll be all the better for it. Thanks OB. It is really painful, I feel better when I wake up in the morning but at night it sucks. I saw him last night. He wanted to see me so was there when I got home. Awkward seeing as my sister and brother were there with me so we went for a walk away from everyone. It was heartbreaking seeing how upset he is, we talked a few things through and he agreed not to contact me for awhile at least. There are a few things we need to sort out, bills etc, but it can wait for now. It was really hard to see him leave but I know this is for the best. And I think he accepts that seeing me only makes things worse. I'm still waiting for the anger stage though, in some ways I want him to hate me. This is worse...
Touche Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 God do I know what you mean! This is so much worse. Despite all that I've said about my ex-H on here, it was really brutal leaving. It tore my heart out. It was like a death. We weren't screaming or hating each other in the days and weeks before I left. It was civil. We still both loved each other very much. It was more an atmosphere of resignement (sp?)...and not just on my part. He knew it too. We really did love each other but we ended up outgrowing each other really. When I left, we were both crying. But I got to a place where I wanted WAY more than what I was settling for. And I had to do something about it. And as you know, I got what I always dreamed of. I know you will too. Chin up, CE.
allina Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Hey CE, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. Be strong, take care of yourself. *virtual hugs*
sb129 Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 Hey CE- sorry to hear about this, and sorry its a bit late, but thinking of you. . It does get better eventually, I promise.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 13, 2009 Posted March 13, 2009 wow in my bf's eyes i am the all time QUEEN of moving out of his home lol not thats not actually funny but i think if you guys still love eachother and care for one another im sure things will work out....trust me ive been with my bf for 2 years and i have moved out a bunch of times when we've got into big fights....somtimes when a person moves out they think it could actually help the relationship out by spending time apart, missing eachother seeing how life would be like without the other person in it....you know...i know how you feel i recently left my bf for the last time i promsed him id never ever do it again cause he made me relaize how much i was hurting him by doing that to him...
RecordProducer Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 i know how you feel i recently left my bf for the last time i promsed him id never ever do it again cause he made me relaize how much i was hurting him by doing that to him...You'll do it again and some day, he won't let you back. Or he'll start doing it to you. Leaving and returning, divorce threats and all those tricks damage a relationship severely. My ex-husband was leaving until he left for good. My current husband was threatening me with divorce all the time and telling me to get out of his life, to move out. We lived in limbo for over a year. I begged him to work on the marriage so many times. Finally, I did move out (at his request). Now, guess what: he misses me like crazy and wants to spend 24/7 with me. I, on the other hand, have nothing to miss from him, even if I wanted to. My point is: be sure that each time you hurt your partner, you're pushing them further and further away from you. Just because they walk the distance back to you each time (take you back, beg you, still love you, etc.), you think nothing is changing. But every time they are making many more steps. Some day, they are just too far away and not motivated enough. Someone better shows up. They wake up and realize you're not the only one, not the best one, they deserve better...
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 "My point is: be sure that each time you hurt your partner, you're pushing them further and further away from you. Just because they walk the distance back to you each time (take you back, beg you, still love you, etc.), you think nothing is changing. But every time they are making many more steps. Some day, they are just too far away and not motivated enough. Someone better shows up. They wake up and realize you're not the only one, not the best one, they deserve better... " You couldn't be more right with this statement. My exbf broke up with me the first time, I was heartbroken, soo upset just for him to come back to me. But I always had in my mind he would do it again and he DID, broke up with me again and came back. It truly damages a relationship, and is a very hurtful thing to do to someone over and over again. My exbf says he has broken up with girls and got back with them b4. I was the dumb one to keep taking him back. I wont even be like that in a relationship again, the first time a guy breaks up with me, thats it. You should mean it when you break up with someone. Its a very bad cycle to get into and is not the least bit healthy.
blind_otter Posted March 14, 2009 Posted March 14, 2009 I'm sorry that this happened, CE - I had no idea. I know how difficult it can be to end a long term relationship, especially one where you live with the person. It takes a lot out of you. I hope you take care of yourself during this time...
whichwayisup Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Sorry to hear about your break-up CE. Just take things one day at a time and don't forget to pamper yourself!
Author Citizen Erased Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Thanks to everyone that posted, I didn't realise I was still getting replies. I have been amazed at how at peace I have been the past couple of weeks. It has been hard but as each day goes by it becomes easier. I'm starting to feel like me again...the person I was before I was his girlfriend. His. I'm no longer having to please anyone else, having to live with those doubts about my life. For the first time in months my mind is clear. I do feel guilty about stringing this relationship along for longer than I should have. And I'm sorry for hurting him. But one day he'll realise I was right...but that's not my issue anymore. I've been trying not to dwell on his pain, it in no way helps him and it serves no purpose for me during this..process I guess. I now have control of my life for the first time and it is refreshing. Getting to where I want to be seems like something achievable and perhaps I'll end up happy along the way. And maybe I'll find someone that appreciates me for who I am and not just because he thinks I'm "cute" and laugh at his jokes. Being able to actually have a conversation and not a one sided rant (a little like this) is something I will always want. Chemistry I guess, if that exists. I'll still laugh at his jokes though, no matter how terrible they are. Or her...I could go there. I kid, I kid. Okay I think I had one glass of wine too much this afternoon. Thanks guys, ever patient (and if you aren't patient I don't have to worry, I'm in fricking Australia mate) and wise LSers.
EmperorR Posted March 27, 2009 Posted March 27, 2009 work helped me alot nothig worse than being alone by yourself, hope your doing better rememer everything happens for a reason
Author Citizen Erased Posted March 27, 2009 Author Posted March 27, 2009 Thanks Emperor. You're right, work did help. It's always good to have something to focus on. As for being lonely...I am enjoying it, being alone. I've actually discovered I am a delight to be with. Kidding. But seriously, I am comforted by the fact that I don't need to rely on other people to hold me up. I learned some time go that you simply cannot rely on other people to support you beyond the usual accepted socially driven behaviour "are you okay?" "how you holding up?" etc. People (by people I mean friends and family of course) have lives and it's not right to expect them to stop for you I guess. Sorry, I'm rambling and potentially not making much sense.
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