IcemanJB Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 ...but I started trying the whole online dating this recently. I haven't told ANYONE that I know personally, because I still feel pretty weird about the whole thing. My main motivation to do it is my current living situation and how busy my schedule is. I'm graduating in May, and my roommates are not. That means they're all still in party-it-up-5-nights-a-week mode, whereas that doesn't appeal to me at all anymore. They're great guys, but we're just in different stages, so it kind of leaves me in a pickle if you will, until I get my own place in a few months. Anyways, my ex and I split 5 months ago to this day. It's a long sad story, but I'm 99.9% over it and gladly moving on. I have a date this coming weekend with a girl I met online. That bothers me to even type that (the online part); I mean I'm a bit shy, but it's never hindered me in talking to girls in real life. We talked on the phone yesterday for the first time (I set a 15 minute time limit haha), and she sounds like a really nice girl (she's cute too). We see eye to eye on a lot of things; one being meeting face to face ASAP as she's also new to the online dating thing. She lives about 2 hours away in Chicago, and close to my older sister who lives there too. I mentioned to her that I would visit my sister this weekend to see her new place, and she agreed to meet up while I was there. She even offered to take a train to somewhere near my sister's place, which is pretty cool. We haven't set an exact time/day, but she's waiting on me to figure out when I'm coming down. So if anyone has any advice for me regarding online dating, I'm all ears. Every girl that I've dated has sort of just "happened"; i.e. something just sparked and we hit it off. This is a little nerve-wracking for me, and I kind of feel out of my element, but we seem to have a bunch in common and the phone conversation wasn't even that bad considering how much I hate talking on the phone. Any suggestions on where to meet up? For how long? I haven't been on a first date in about a year, so obviously I'm bound to be a bit nervous...just any advice at all I'm open to.
missdependant Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Oh my gosh, you haven't been on forever! Haha, well..... I met my bf online. I felt totally weird about it, didn't tell anyone how I met him for a long time. Anyway, I met him on myspace.. kind of coincidentally. We talked for about two weeks before actually meeting in person. We met at a bar. It was really busy inside so we sat outside on the patio, had some drinks and chatted. I was only planning on being out for about an hour, because I had to work the next day. The conversation was great and we had a lot in common and ended up staying out for about five hours until the bar closed. If neither of you are 21, I'd suggest a cafe or coffee bar. If neither of you like coffee or tea or whatever they have, try going for smoothies or icecream. Good luck, Iceman! And don't worry, online dating is becoming really common. You'll get used to it, and probably forget you even met her online if you end up hitting it off. Sounds like a really good chick and you deserve it.. I am glad you're doing so much better. :-)
Author IcemanJB Posted March 9, 2009 Author Posted March 9, 2009 Missdependant! I haven't heard from you in awhile, thanks for the response! I'm 23 in a couple weeks, and she's 24, so drinks are a possibility. Chances are that we'd meet closer to the middle of the day, but I guess if she's up for a 1pm beer, by all means. She likes coffee, so that actually sounds like a good idea. The thing is I'm unfamiliar with the area, so do I have her pick the place!?
manugeorge Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 You'd have more sucess if you treat online dating as just another avenue for meeting potential dates. Just like the grocery store, bar, school, friends, etc. Albeit, a little on the "cold-calling" side. If you meet someone on the street, chances are you don't talk on the phone for 3 months before going on a date, so I'd approach online dating the same way. Exchange a few basic emails, if you like what you read, meet up right away for coffee or drinks and just approach the person from then on, like you would approach any other date. Get to know them as thorougly as you would any one else. Which includes getting to know their friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. People that can vouch for them. Observe them in different situations, contexts and with different people. Mistakes people make when they date online is correspond with the person for ages before actually meeting in person. In which case, you already have this image built up of the person in your head, image that you form based on what they write and the sound of their voice. Most often, this image never matches who they are in person. Also, online daters tend to get to know each other in vacuums. They isolate the other person from their world, and only get to know each other through each other...if that makes any sense.
LovieDove24 Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 You feel weird about it because you're fresh out of the college scene. College is a breeding ground for networking but its just not quite like the real world as far as that goes. Believe me, the older you get, the more comfortable you will become with the idea. It's not that strange this day in age...just another avenue to explore IMO!
Author IcemanJB Posted March 9, 2009 Author Posted March 9, 2009 Mistakes people make when they date online is correspond with the person for ages before actually meeting in person. In which case, you already have this image built up of the person in your head, image that you form based on what they write and the sound of their voice. Most often, this image never matches who they are in person. Also, online daters tend to get to know each other in vacuums. They isolate the other person from their world, and only get to know each other through each other...if that makes any sense. Wow that's pretty much exactly how she described it. I definitely agree. We've been trading emails for a little over a week, so I think this weekend is the perfect time to meet up. I like what I've read/seen/heard about her. I'm a very face to face sort of person, because it's so hard to get a read on someone through text or even voice. Previous exes have said I'm very perceptive, which I think is good; so that means phone calls are not really my thing. That's why we agreed to a time limit on the phone call, and at the end the conversation moved toward meeting up. Anyways, as for feeling weird, I've tried to take the approach that this is just another avenue as Lovie said, and use it in combination with hanging with friends, their friends and acquiantances, etc. It's just unfamiliar and a bit uncomfortable. We'll see how things go!
missdependant Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Missdependant! I haven't heard from you in awhile, thanks for the response! I'm 23 in a couple weeks, and she's 24, so drinks are a possibility. Chances are that we'd meet closer to the middle of the day, but I guess if she's up for a 1pm beer, by all means. She likes coffee, so that actually sounds like a good idea. The thing is I'm unfamiliar with the area, so do I have her pick the place!? Tell her you will take her out to coffee; a place of her choice. :-)
Author IcemanJB Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 Well we met up yesterday. I was in Chicago visiting my sister, and the new girl and I decided to meet up sometime that day. I had just gotten back from lunch with my siblings, and decided to see how far of a walk it was to the L stop where the new girl would come in later on. Randomly she calls me saying she's already in the area, and happend to be about 3 blocks from where I was at the time; pure coincidence and it worked out perfectly, so we decided to meet up earlier than planned. We both didn't know the area (near where my sister lives - although sis did give me some tips), so we walked around looking for a coffee place; found one and chatted for about 2 hours. She's a soft-spoken, reserved, yet confident and intelligent girl. Totally new to me; the girls I've dated have been outspoken, "loud", and even overly-anxious. It seemed the conversations just flowed; which is good considering it was our first face-to-face. I got her to laugh quite a few times; and her actions seemed to say she was into it (things she was doing with her hands, playing with her hair, putting on lip gloss, etc.). She even spilled her guts on a pretty intense subject (but not at all awkward) near the end of the conversation. Anyways, she had plans to meet up with her friends downtown later. I mentioned earlier that I had never been on the L trail before, and she asked if I had been to Millenium Park, which I hadn't. She's like "well we need to go there then." So we took the train downtown and walked around Millenium Park for a bit. I kept calling her my "tour guide", but the whole thing was pretty fun. We decided to part ways about an hour later (she to meet her friend, me to get back to my sister's). We hugged, she was smiling, and I told her I'd call which she agreed to. I'd definitely go on another date with her. I plan on emailing her tomorrow, letting her know I had a good time. Then maybe call her later in the week. This situation is all new to me, so I'm not really sure what to expect. Any advice? Suggestions? Comments? Thanks for reading!
BobSacamento Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 You sound like a pretty reasonable and nice dude. I'm sure you won't have any trouble. When I went out with people online they were just relieved that I wasn't a weirdo with a fake photo and going to kidnap them. One actually said that. I think her words were something like "I'm so excited, I don't get the feeling your going to kidnap me or anything." haha. My advice would be to meet up for coffee first, if that works out ask her if she wants to get something to eat for lunch. The coffee meeting is good because it gives you both the opportunity for a short and sweet meeting and hopefully find out if one of you is a psycho haha. If that works out do something fun. I would start looking up interesting things to do around the city. Your main goal is to make sure she has a good time. I would end the night with drinks personally if you get that far.
Author IcemanJB Posted March 15, 2009 Author Posted March 15, 2009 Bob, you should read my update post right above yours. Does it sound like it went alright?
Eve Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Sounds fab! Just continue doing precisely what you are doing.. go with the flow. After the next date, see if she wants you to call her in the week or something. I met my Husband via a dating agency and think it is a really exciting way to meet new people. Especially as I knew exactly what I was looking for and so did he! I knew he was 'the one' from hearing his voice for the first time... but doubted myself a bit because how often does that happen? LOVE the natural way you two are getting on! I have always told my kids to meet up with someone on the first occassion precisely how you have. I really dont believe in all that glamming it up nonsense the first time you met someone. SO false! You are doing great! Reading your post really made me smile and bought back some geat memories. Take care and simply enjoy each other Regards, Eve xx
BobSacamento Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 Bob, you should read my update post right above yours. Does it sound like it went alright? Haha yeah it did sound like you had a good time. I think I started to make a post and went to make breakfast and came back to finish it. I think that's why I missed your update lol. Or maybe I just skipped it by accident.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 15, 2009 Posted March 15, 2009 To the OP: I really like the vibes offered in your update. Your conversation flowed as the result of your having first learned so much about one another online, so that you had the rare-for-real-life opportunity to know the 'pawns' in the life of the other. It is always so comforting to sit right there in front of a new interest, for the first time, with a strange-seeming confidence about what to ask him/her next. That makes each side seem more comfortable in the setting when observed by the other. It is a great recipe for success!
Author IcemanJB Posted March 16, 2009 Author Posted March 16, 2009 Looks like I'll go ahead and email her tomorrow (maybe call, idk yet). Any suggestions for a 2nd date? I have no problem driving back to Chicago, as I'm on spring break right now. The only thing is that I'm not too familiar with the city (but enough to find my way around probably), and I'd rather be the one "calling the shots" so to speak.
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