blondesmiler Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 So this is for those hurting and wondering. I was in a real mess around 20months ago (July 2007), cast away like a piece of dog poo on the bottom of your shoe. I was depressed, ill, broken, very hurt. Yet I was determined, I dug deeper than I have ever dug before, it took all my strength to get up, to get busy. Within a week I went away on a girls weekend, it was already planned and booked as it was a friends 30th. It took alot of courage to go. I cried at the airport, but instead of doing it infront of everybody I took myself off to the toilets and did it there, came back red eyed but smiling. I put my bravest of faces on that weekend, I had my moments but it provided some welcome distraction and company too. Within three weeks I went out with a new girl friend that I made on a friends internet site, we are still friends now and holiday buddies. It was good to go out with someone single, someone that lives close by and someone who took me for who I was there and then not for who they knew before the break up, and wasn't trying to "fix" me. It took all my strength to think, right I can be upset, cry, depressed when I am here at home but when I go out I need to make the most of these times, these times when I can laugh (even if I didn't feel like it I made myself), I can enjoy this evening out/trip as best I can then if I need too I can cry at home. It wasn't easy, infact very tough but being determined the force within me helped me. I did just forced myself, like you might force yourself to go to a gym class you really do not want to go because a friend has asked you or on a theme park ride because everyone else is going on it. Making yourself do things, is hard, but not impossible. And I actually gave myself alot of credit for picking myself off of that floor I cried on and got out, sorted myself out. I made as many plans as I could, I went to the gym because exercising is healthy and helps with depression, I went to concerts, to London for drinks or dinner, cinema, accepted invites out, threw myself into my work, anything that provided a distraction from thinking about my ex all the time and thinking about how hurt I was feeling. Because this funny thing happens when you stop thinking about it, it stops hurting so much, becomes less to bare. I booked a holiday to Disney in Florida (Oct 2007) as having been before and loving theme parks I knew that it would provide me with alot of laughter and fun times. Plenty to do and keep me distracted. It worked. Don't get me wrong I grieved, it was very important too, just like you do when someone dies, you have to grieve. Have yourself a little ceremony, I got rid of everything, I wrote down things I did and didn't like about him, I wrote him a letter, burnt it and flushed it down the toilet. I read several good books on how to mend your broken heart, how to grieve and also went to therapy. However for over a year now, I haven't been hurt, I don't care about my ex anymore, do I still think of him, sure, but there is no feelings that go with those thoughts, no upset. Do I wonder sometimes does he still think of me, sometimes but its rare, but I do not care enough to think on it too long or post a question on here. Thoughts go in and straight back out again. And that my friends is how you know your over them. When you just are not bothered anymore. You will still have thoughts and memories of them be it good or bad ones however your stomach will not churn with these thoughts, they will just come and go like the thoughts of what you are going to have for dinner do. I know it doesn't seem like you will get over it that you will not feel the pain anymore and it doesn't matter how many times someone tells you that you will get over it that doesn't really help........but let me ask are you willing to do something about it? do you want to get past it? do you want to help yourself? Cause it is possible, you just have to want it.
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Thanx for the encouragement, I know what you mean that you have memories of them, but they dont cross your mind a lot. I have been keeping myself very busy, forcing myself to do new things, going to workout classes, spending time with friends and family. Sometimes I find myself breaking down out i public, my eyes become teary. I have cried alone,too and I know it's normal. I just know how I am and I need to have patience with myself to fully get over him and I can't wait for that feeling, because it feels great!
neowulf Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Good advice. Although I find it sad that in order to get over the people we once loved, we have to burn them from our lives and minds. I suppose that's the price of moving on.
Jenny123 Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 Hi guys, last year, I had a break up with who I thought was the one. I quit my job, hit rock bottom in my life. Suicidal thoughts were frequent. Time is a healer-That's all you have. I never thought, I'd meet someone else or love like that again. I met a guy 5 1/2 later, recently,my walls are still up. I know i'm still not one hundred percent, it wasn't necessarily the guy 100%, it was the dreams and aspirations that came too. Maybe it is still a bit soon, but I really like this guy and he adores me. He is more suited to me than my ex. I think we go through this to appreciate and work harder when the right guy comes along. If someone let's you go, they don't deserve you. God is looking after us, we can't see it at the time but after a while it becomes clear. You will smile again, I am. Never thought I would.
tinke Posted March 10, 2009 Posted March 10, 2009 blondesmiler, just curious, did you go alone to Disney? Yes, that is quite the distraction.
Author blondesmiler Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 blondesmiler, just curious, did you go alone to Disney? Yes, that is quite the distraction. No I went with my younger brother.
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