420honey Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 So I guess I'd like some views from people. A little bit of background, I had a pretty brutal childhood and now have post traumatic stress disorder. I was abused in every way (raped, beaten, etc.) since I can remember up until I was twelve and removed from my parents home. I had a problem with coke for about a year, but that was over ten years ago.. and I am WAY over that phase. Anyways, since getting over the whole cocaine situation I've moved onto bigger and better things. I am almost done with school and will have my BS very soon. I have a great job working for the fish and game department. I have had a 3.8-4.0 GPA for the last two years except for once. I am very passionate about school and what I am majoring in. I feel like I've come a long way from where I was ten years ago, and do feel proud of myself for the first time in my life. The only catch is that I have been smoking prescription pot for the last two years. I tried many other medications and none of them had a good effect on me. there was a time when I was on three different medications which were causing seizures. My doctor took me off them after a few months, and the comedown wasn't much different than the cocaine bit. Anyway, the pot has really helped me. I am not afraid of my own shadow anymore, I don't have frightmares every night, I have made friends (before, i was a complete loner and somewhat of a sociopath), I actually go out an do things (hiking, movies, etc.), and the weirdest of all is that I am actually iNTERESTED in dating. I have dated before, but have never been in a serious relationship because it's never been interesting to me. The first guy was a stoner and at the time I was recovering from cocaine and didn't want him to drag me into what I had just gotten out of. He had told me that pot isn't really a gateway drug, but at the time I didn't believe him. I had tried it a couple of times before, but didn't like the effect it had because all of the times I had tried it before i had mixed it with cocaine and didn't like the effect. Anyways, the next guy I dated, Robert, I met when I was transitioning from the other medications to pot and he did NOT approve at first. He believed pot was really terrible and didn't want to date a stoner and told me that they were lazy and insufficient at everything. Gave me the same kind of schpiel that I've heard from news specials and such. Anyway, he ended up seeing that it did in fact help me and we are now best friends. Recently, he set me up on a blind date with his boss. I didn't tell the guy I use pot, and he didn't seem to notice. i told him a lot of other things about myself like that I was almost done with school, what I am in school for, etc. We have been seeing each other for the last month now and things really seem to be going well. We aren't in a relationship as of yet, because I have been very hesitant. We have similar lives, have the same goals and love to do the same things. We have been having sex which I find enjoyable for the first time ever. He is interested in a relationship but I have been hesitant given my marijuana usage. I have asked Robert if he smokes or if he thinks he would care, but he said he doesn't know and is afraid to ask, because it's his boss. Anyways, the guy I am dating now, David, is a year older than I am (I am 28), he is a veterinarian (finished with school), a single father of two and loves dining out, hiking and concerts. He brings his children with us when we go most places, and he says I am the first woman he has dated who does not mind this (and I really don't, because I adore them). For the first time ever, I feel as though I might be able to commit myself to a relationship. Especially with my schooling almost completely out of the way. For this to happen, I know I should probably be honest from the beginning and tell him that I smoke pot. I guess I just need help in ways of telling him. I know it's been a month and that seems like a long time to have not told him. Time has just flown by and I haven't found the right way to tell him yet. I especially don't want his kids to know and they are usually around. I have continued to smoke the whole time, without him noticing or asking about it. Am I making a big deal out of nothing? Should I tell him or should I just let him find out some other way? I kind of wonder how others would react if this came up? I know some will probably tell me that I just need to stop using pot. But I do feel confident in my use, and like I said, I feel that it helps me. I also believe that it is partially why I have actually built an attraction to this man, and why I am actually enjoying the sex and everything else we do together. I just don't know what to do anymore of if I am childish.
Woggle Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 It is no worse than booze but nobody would look down on you if you had a glass of wine every now and then. People are just against pot becuase the establishment tells them to be against it. We live in a society full of sheep.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 I guess I'm kind of ignorant about pot - I thought the only medical use was if you had cancer. I had no idea it was approved for other uses. Anyway - it really depends on how people feel about drugs. But I guess you have to ask yourself - how hurt/upset is he going to be if you two end up together long term and he finds out down the road that you've been a pot-smoker this whole time and were never honest about it? Lying by omission is still lying. I withheld something from my BF when we first started dating - told him a month into us dating and he was visibly upset (withdrew, very quiet). We got over it, but I had to deal with some questions from him that hurt and made me doubt myself, but that he had every right to ask because I had not been honest with him at the beginning. Because of my experience with lying by omission, it's not something I'd ever choose again. I wish I had just told him. The longer you wait, the more you risk the possibility that he'll feel that you "trapped" him before telling him the truth. You let him fall more and more in love with you and then you spring the truth on him. I don't think that's really fair. I don't know how you'd tell him a thing like that. But maybe start by asking him his views on medical marijuana. If he's adamantly against it, then you have two decisions - stop taking it, or tell him that you two probably won't work out. It's up to you. But keeping it from him really shouldn't be an option.
Woggle Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 I would tel him. If he is that anal about pot he is not somebody you want to be involved with anyway.
missdependant Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 I don't think pot is bad at all not in your case at all. If the guy is as wonderful as you make him sound, I don't think that he will get mad about the pot smoking. With your circumstances, I'd say using it is highly acceptable, and he will probably understand that you have been through a lot. I think pot is becoming more acceptable to people. My boyfriend's mother took it for Rheumatoid Arthritis before passing away, and my mother used it during chemotherapy. You should at least try and tell him.. the sooner the better. Just tell him that you have been through a lot, you have been using medical marijuana for a couple of years, and ask him how he feels about it. Tough situation for sure.. good luck, lady.
Chicago_Guy Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 You should tell that guy right away. Being a pot smoker will be a deal-breaker for many guys.
TwinkletOes26 Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Tell him and if he doesnt like you afterwards then you need to get rid of him and find someone who will accept you regardless. Trust me there are lots of men who wont care if you smoke pot.
Author 420honey Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 Thank you for all of your responses and sorry I have not logged into this site in a while. I went ahead and told him and he was not okay with it. He said it is really "juvenile" for a 28 year old to smoke pot for a mental illness. I didn't give him any details on my past, because I choose not to just go around and tell people. I did put it on here, only because my identity is concealed but other than that I don't want to seem like some open book screaming "poor me, poor me". I told him I wasn't ready to stop, because I've only just met him and I do have a pretty dark side that it helps me control similarly to what prozac does for some. It didn't really matter. So I'm very much single. I talked to my best friend about it and he said he would talk to him. So when he talked to him, I guess he told him he really likes me but doesn't want me bringing it around his kids (which I would never do anyways!!!). Maybe he is the immature one. My best friend tried to defend me, but again, their relationship is more professional than anything, so he played it safe. Hopefully I'll find someone, someday. :-( This was possibly the best relationship I've ever had at 28 years old, at only 1 month and not a true relationship. Pretty sad, I know. I feel like I'm ready to date for the first time in my life. I have finally started dressing more stylishly, got rid of the glasses and traded for contacts, bought a new car a few months ago, bought a new wardrobe and I've been showing off my figure more. Guess I'll just keep my fingers crossed.
manugeorge Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 You win some, you lose some. I don't know why he would have a problem with it especially since you are not some pot head who lazes around all day in her mother's basement. You sound like a productive member of the society and you have your sh*t together. Don't worry, you will find someone who will understand and that's when you'll have the best relationship of your life.
2sure Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 My ex, my daughter's father , is a pot smoker. Always has been. I never was and his use did not bother me much. When we divorced my daughter was an infant. This was 13 years ago. He seems to have deteriorated mentally and I do not know if it is from his daily use of pot although I suspect. There is now a big difference in talking to him when he has smoked pot and when he has not. I didnt used to be able to tell. My daughter, who visits him regularly has discovered his drug use and has been VERY upset about it. Ashamed and afraid because he is breaking the law, acts stupid, and is the opposite of everything she is learning not to do. Upon her bringing up her distress to him, he told her he smoked for medical reasons. Even at 12 she asked asked to see the doctors perscription - which of course he didnt have. People with children suddenly (or not) have a whole new viewpoint regarding pot than they may have had before children. You will find more acceptance in dating men without children.
allina Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I smoke pot a handful of times a year, I personally don't think pot is a huge deal. That being said, if I heard that someone I started dating "smoked pot to treat a mental illness" I would RUN FAST. To me this would scream unstable druggie, not something I can or want to deal with. I would also never date someone who just sits at home all day and getting high, but you're successful in many other areas so I don't think this applies to you. I think the main issue with the recent guy is that he's a father. While I'm not a parent and as I mentioned before have no major issue with pot I don't think I would be okay with it if I was in his position. While I think pot isn't a huge deal I do think it's something that has no place in the life of a parent. I wouldn't be surprised if the current guy decided that a regular pot smoker is not someone he wants in his and his kid's future.
missdependant Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 You will find someone, 420honey. My dad may be the perfect example and your story sounds somewhat similar. He is 48 years old, he smokes pot a few nights a week for recreational purposes (he does not drink or do ANY other drugs). He owns a very successful accounting firm, owns a house, has a girlfriend with four kids and has a perfectly normal thought process. He has been smoking since he was in college. He even took a few psychedelics back when he was young.. and somehow, he completely contradicts the Above the Influence commercial's stereotype of stoners. He has his head where it should be, and is a really great guy. He spoils his girlfriend and treats her and her children like royalty. He's also always been very loving and kind to me. He never brought pot around me, always kept it well-hidden and he does has the same respect for his girlfriend's kids. Just like most well-rounded adults aren't going to down a bottle of Jager in front of kids, my dad isn't about to light up a joint around a little kid. It might take time, but you will find someone that is perfect for you and is able to accept what you do. Stoners are not bad people... if you want to hear about bad people, let's talk about alcoholics.
2sure Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 I agree Stoners are not bad people. No problem there. But daily use really is different than a few times a week. Using pot to help with or mask, a serious problem - is scary stuff.
Author 420honey Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 I would really love to find someone my age that is okay with it. But it feels like everyone my age has kids already? Like I said, I'm 28 years old. I feel like the closer I get to 30, the less people in the world that don't have kids. Guess I'll just have to dig through a lot of different people to find someone. :-)
playlislay Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 'pot' as you guys call it, can be damaging if it is used on a regular basis. Believe me, I should know! Do you smoke it like, every night? Have you been able to go without it for a week? I think you should tell this man and/or come off of the stuff! I dont think its a good quality to have in a partner (coming from a pot smoker myself!), infact any drug dependancy is a bad sign. If you do it once in a blue-moon then thats fine, tell him and hopefully you two could laugh it off. But if you know that you depend on it, then he may not like it. But if he really does like you then he may be able to see past that. You never know. Many pot smokers deny the affects it has on you as they dont really know the difference between what its really like to feel normal to being stoned. You get used to waking up with a 'hash-hangover', waking up groggy just becomes part of your routine-NOT GOOD!!! But, it isnt until you go without it for a night and wake up feeling fresh, like a whole new you, that you really understand how much of an affect that crap has on you as a person. Its sad really. But seriously, you will feel like a much better person for giving up-not that that is what you appear to want to do. Im going off of the point, lol! I should do an advert for giving up (cue the over-enthusiastic voice): "Are you fed up of feeling like sh*t in the mornings?" "Do you want to be able to engage in lively and interesting conversations?" "If so try weed-ex patches. They really do curb those jointamania cravings....." lol! Soz, mad moment there! Good luck
missdependant Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 'pot' as you guys call it, can be damaging if it is used on a regular basis. Believe me, I should know! Do you smoke it like, every night? Have you been able to go without it for a week? I think you should tell this man and/or come off of the stuff! I dont think its a good quality to have in a partner (coming from a pot smoker myself!), infact any drug dependancy is a bad sign. If you do it once in a blue-moon then thats fine, tell him and hopefully you two could laugh it off. But if you know that you depend on it, then he may not like it. But if he really does like you then he may be able to see past that. You never know. Many pot smokers deny the affects it has on you as they dont really know the difference between what its really like to feel normal to being stoned. You get used to waking up with a 'hash-hangover', waking up groggy just becomes part of your routine-NOT GOOD!!! But, it isnt until you go without it for a night and wake up feeling fresh, like a whole new you, that you really understand how much of an affect that crap has on you as a person. Its sad really. But seriously, you will feel like a much better person for giving up-not that that is what you appear to want to do. Im going off of the point, lol! I should do an advert for giving up (cue the over-enthusiastic voice): "Are you fed up of feeling like sh*t in the mornings?" "Do you want to be able to engage in lively and interesting conversations?" "If so try weed-ex patches. They really do curb those jointamania cravings....." lol! Soz, mad moment there! Good luck I'm pretty sure she has already answered all of these questions.
Beautiful Inside Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 omg this is so my thread lol! there is nothing wrong with burning one down time to time .....i suffer from PMDD and refuse to be on YAZ which is one of the few treatments for it and instead my lovely bf introduced me to mary jane and her and i have been lovers ever since lol seriously best thing ever next to saved by the bell!!!!
Author 420honey Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 I smoke a few times a week. I did not mean that I walk around high all the time. I smoke maybe every other day, and I usually do it when I get really down on myself. I was on a variety of drugs before...I used to take Xanax and never liked it, because most of the time it would knock me out or I'd feel like my night was a drunken black out. I will compare pot with Zoloft since I was on it for the longest time. For the first few weeks, I didn't feel anything with it. Eventually, my feelings became very numb and I didn't feel interest in anything. I continued to take it for maybe two years. My doctor knew of all the side-effects and said they were normal, including occasional seizures. During that time, I didn't feel happy and I didn't feel sad. I felt numb to everything. I felt tired all the time, I was constantly grinding my teeth, my mouth was always dry and I had a very small appetite. The worst that happens to me with pot is that I get the munchies and maybe some cotton mouth. I think it is necessary to feel emotion. Whether it's sadness or happiness...even anger is important within reason. I'm not going to argue points about whether or not pot is bad, as that was not my intention in making this thread. I don't really care other people's opinions on whether or not it's bad, because I'm not going to stop taking it. I've tried the prescriptions and truly believe that a plant is much safer for me than a mixture of chemicals. Pot, like any drug has different effects on different people. I think the effect it has had on me is wonderful.
2sure Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Pot has benefits for you, and for many other people. Like so many things - moderation! I;m happy it is working out for you and you sound like you have found a natural way to keep yourself healthy. I suppose ideally, it would be more healthy to try to attain the same eventually, without the pot. My perspective is just offering that which might also be had by parents with children. Apparently there is plenty of conroversy about pot - just like religion and politics! Possibly you just need to find someone with the same views as yourself - and you sound great. You will not have a problem and besides, it might be nice to have someone to share that with? Or at least, not hide it.
Art_Critic Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Pot, like any drug has different effects on different people. I think the effect it has had on me is wonderful. Consider what effect Pot has has on your relationships and future relationships and you might consider it's effect a little less than wonderful. If any Drug comes between you and another in your life.. even family and friends than it's use is an issue... Porn, Alcohol, Pot any addiction The guy you are talking about has kids.. Well duh that he would move away from you because of your Pot use.. You do realize that he could lose custody of his children because of your drug use if he gets involved with you and things happen that allow his ex to find out about your use ? In his case it is about risk... Are you worth the drama and hassle that might come into his life because of your drug use ? If you continue to smoke Pot then the guys you date will just have to be guys that are okay with it.. really.. that shouldn't be a problem.. the bigger issue is that you seem unhappy about your personal relationships and maybe you need to do some more introspection about your drug use and how it connects to your unhappiness in personal relationships... This is all of course my opinion and you are free to take or leave my post as you see fit... As an Alcoholic with almost 22 years of sobriety I can attest that my relationships and happiness improved dramatically when I stopped drinking and using it as a crutch. Good Luck
Author 420honey Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 Consider what effect Pot has has on your relationships and future relationships and you might consider it's effect a little less than wonderful. the bigger issue is that you seem unhappy about your personal relationships and maybe you need to do some more introspection about your drug use and how it connects to your unhappiness in personal relationships... Like I said before, I was never that interested in dating. I have only been in a couple of relationships, none of which have been serious...and none of which had a very big effect on me. I have always been comfortable being independent, and I am still comfortable with it. In fact, I quite enjoy living alone with dog and having all the privacy in the world. I have only just become interested in dating, and I am hoping to find something before turning thirty...which gives me plenty of time. I am now more confident in meeting people and going out on dates. I know that I am a good girl to have, even with having pot in my life. I am most certainly not in denial. I don't lie about my use, I just don't announce it to the entire world like it's everybody's business. You live, you learn. Next time, I know to be honest right off the bat. No big deal, and I'm not that bent out of shape about this relationship not working out.
manugeorge Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 It is medicinal you said right? so you're not going to get busted for it?
mr.dream merchant Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 No 420Honey smoking weed is not bad at all. Just like any other drug or form of alcohol, excessive use can be bad, excessive anything can be bad. Don't let people label you as a stoner because you smoke weed casually. If that's the case then every tom dick and jerry belong in AA for having a cold one every now and then. Like someone previously said, we live in a society full of sheep.
Author 420honey Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 It is medicinal you said right? so you're not going to get busted for it? Right. I have a medical card that I take into stores called dispensaries. They have to verify that I am actually a medical patient and then they can sell me a wide variety of different things. I usually buy the bubble bath and food/candy. Sometimes I buy pot for smoking...but I don't smoke that much. I smoke a couple of times a week (2-4 times) and I only take a hit or two making the bowl last me a week or more.
2sure Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 You know, it seems like people have much more relaxed attitudes about pot than they do mental illness. It may not be the pot that scared him off, but the reason you need it. Which is niave, wrong, obviously not your fault, you are coping wonderfully, etc. But people are afraid of it.
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