amymarieca Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 I have been casually dating this guy for about 5 months now. Everything has been going well and he is a great guy. Something happened last week that has got me thinking twice though. We were out and he made a very rude comment about someone's weight issue to me about a woman who was walking by us. He didn't say it so that she could hear. He just said it to me about her. The problem I have with that is that it is not only rude to judge someone based on that, but I also have a weight issue. I am not morbidly obese, but I am chubby. The fear I have is that he could possibly say those rude things to me some day, or leave because of it. This really bothers me also because the judgments you make about other people can really say a lot about your maturity level and the way you treat people in general. So what do you think? Is this a dump-worthy action?
Alan430 Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Unless its one of Universal deal breakers, Cheating, abuse, etc... I do not think anything not discussed should be a deal break on first occurance. Honestly you should talk to him and tell him how you made it feel and then let him know it is a deal breaker for you.
Sam Spade Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 As a guy, I can tell that this is probably less of a reflection of his overal views and more of a half-assed, and admittedly somewhat cowardly way to indicate that he is might be concerned about ending with a partner who gains a lot of weight, without addressing the topic with you directly. While I don't advocate this strategy, I also don't blame him, because there is simply no delicate way to say "I like you, but I am concerned that you might start gaining more weight in the future". So, I don't think it is a dealbreaker, but it is a serious situation nevertheless. If he's with you, I'm sure he likes you just fine. But, if by your own admission you are on the slightly curvy side, he might be thinking that it is very easy to cross the boundary between deliciously curvy and just plain overweight... So, he gives cheap warnings...
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Knowing what I know now, I would dump him. The same thing happened to me once. Early in the relationship, I was out with my then-boyfriend, and he pointed out this overweight girl across the room and said, "Look at her. She's disgusting." This girl wasn't doing anyone any harm. She was maybe 40 pounds overweight. I couldn't believe it. Once we got home, I asked him about it, and he got defensive and then later apologized. I decided to let it slide, but I eventually learned that this attitude ran deep. Deep down, he was vindictive and negative, and he turned all that on me as we were breaking up.
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